AIBU to think there is often really terrible advice on here?

[Ahmadame]

I mean, people suggest completely random shit and then get quite indignant if an OP says they won’t be taking it.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I regularly see weird suggestions on here, or suggestions that are clearly unworkable (like ‘home school your kids’) and I sometimes don’t know if they are serious or not.

What’s the worst bit of MN advice you’ve seen?

Two spring to mind.

When I was stressing about my wedding being cancelled due to impending lockdown I had more than one poster telling to ‘just go get married today’. As if that was possible. As if giving notice and having to book registrars months in advance wasn’t a thing at all.

And an overweight poster being told that she should try to get her BMI down to 20 ASAP to ‘be on the safe side’ (in reference to obesity possibly making you at higher risk of Covid). Because crash dieting and losing a load of weight as quickly as possible is going to be great for your immune system, right?!

‘Get some new friends’. As if it’s that easy.

There was one the other day which made me laugh out loud, poster was complaining she’d completed on her house and rhe previous owners hadn’t moved out yet, someone responded and said well what’s the rush you’ve a rental why not go and help them pack as that’s the nice thing to do.

Still makes me chuckle when I think of it 😂

@MollysDolly

I see a lot of LTB. When in reality, very few women do. Which makes me think people are very happy to advise on a "do as I say, not as I do"

There was a poster a while back with 3 young DC, and essentially the husband was a lazy sod. She was unhappy, but no DV or anything extreme, basically he was like having a 4th child. He covered all the bills, mortgage, had a decent job. She was SAHM, no real option to work around 3 children of that age, even if she did the childcare would be extortionate, so if she left she'd have to cover all that, plus her own house, would barely see the DC because she'd have to work so many hours to cover the childcare, and then some. And it was all "life's too short, LTB, you'll be so much happier"

In reality, what most would do, is stick it out until they were at least all in primary. Yes it's not ideal for the tale of "happily ever after", but many women are in the situation where the inability to work (at that time) would mean their finances, housing and childcare options would be far worse if they were on their own. For both her and the DC.

Yet the posts are all LTB. "If my DH ever behaved like that, I'd be off." I just think, yeah, easy to type. Just give up the family home, have to rely on a tiny income or benefits, get run ragged as the primary carer of all the children with a break (if you're lucky) every other weekend. That's what all these posters would of course do, without a second thought

100 million % this. ^ There are sooo many LTB comments on here, when in reality, you just know most women don't.

Loads of posters say 'I am sooo much happier, and my life is sooo much better since leaving my ex husband,' but in reality most womens lives won't be 'loads better' unless the husband was abusive and violent.

Basically, this forum is not representative of real life... As you say, leaving your DH is much more difficult than people on here make out, because in many cases, the woman will be living in penury, and struggling financially.

In many cases, she will be setting herself up for a life on benefits, (and scrimping and saving to make ends meet,) OR working all the hours God sends, (and still scrimping and saving to make ends meet.) And as you said, she will hardly see her children if she has to work all the hours God sends.

Life as a single woman is hard, and being single with children, it's VERY hard.

That is why most women stay with their DH's. Even if he is a dickhead sometimes. As long as the marriage isn't abusive, most women will stay as it's a much better and easier life than being a struggling single mother.

There's a bit of a faction of the bonkers types.

But there's also some people who will shrewdly put it to you plain and are usually bang on (I usually find when #Bluntness100 has already posted on a thread it saves me a job ).

I posted about house prices in my rural area going through the roof post lockdown and struggling to find something affordable.

I was told to "move to a cheaper area then"

The cheaper area being a 3 hr commute away or in an area of high deprivation where you'd struggle to sell a house on if you ever decided to move. Ah mumsnet.

Fucking hell bluntness you've literally posted while I was typing. Ha!

I recently posted about hoping for promotion but also wanting to continue my maternity leave.. some really good replies but what a depressing and eye opening thread with some saying I chose to have kids and cannot expect children and a career 🤣

@CheesusWept

“Could you take in some ironing?”

That always makes me laugh! Then there are several threads that no-one irons anymore. People claiming never to iron a single item ever !

I haven't been on here for a long time but do people still tell stressed out mothers with a couple of quid to feed their kids to 'make their own bread'?

That always cracked me up

Counselling. For. Everything.

Overlooking the fact £50 an hour is not affordable for most people & there aren’t enough counsellors in the world to get MN users through their issues.

@DelphiniumBlue

People with no legal training giving wrong legal advice, based on what they think should be the case in an ideal world, rather than based on actual law.

Yes this with bells on.

I have lost count of the times on here people with no legal knowledge have pontificated about how liability or quantum on a claim should be decided, or another favourite, how people should demand a better service from their solicitors (when the posters expectations were entirely unrealistic). I stopped posting on legal threads for ages because of it.

@Glassofshloer

Counselling. For. Everything.

Overlooking the fact £50 an hour is not affordable for most people & there aren’t enough counsellors in the world to get MN users through their issues.

Best when it’s spelled ‘councilling.’

@DeepaBeesKit

Fucking hell bluntness you've literally posted while I was typing. Ha!

NOW who thinks magick doesn't work, huh?

@A580Hojas

Oh yes, such helpful advice! Don't be poor, earn a shed load of money like me and buy and island and send your 5 children to private school.

Can't think who what you mean?!?!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@ShipshapeShore

I like the advice that's proceeded by "just". Such as just move, just get a job, just work evenings if your partner works during the day, just change schools, just get a babysitter... It's all so easy sometimes!

Or when OP states very clearly something isn't an option and the first reply is "Could you [insert thing OP has ruled out].

Just adopt.

Sometimes it’s not so much the advice itself as the indignation when it isn’t immediately taken. ‘OP, you were told to leave him yesterday and you haven’t. What’s the point of advice if you won’t take it?’

To women struggling to conceive-
"Just relax!"
I've seen that a lot on here.

To women struggling to conceive-
"Just relax!"
I've seen that a lot on here.

Or ‘just stop trying and it’ll happen’ or some variation on that. Ok but… basic biology dictates you have to ‘try’ a little bit, right?!

Oh yes, as PP said above, LTB when there is no DV or emotional abuse or anything else really major. Marriages are not perfect, but getting divorced is a HUGE deal, and not something to be done off the back of the husband not helping enough around the house or whatever.

Many kids are succesfully homeschooled so its a valid answer, unless you lack the courage or imagination to do something different.
Just because some of the advice doesnt fit into your own way of thinking doesn't mean its wrong, or of no value.
The intention behind the advice is to try and be helpful, thats the main thing.

I agree in part but I think it’s more down to the individual is who offers advice. They might have a different lifestyle to someone posting. Eg I’m leaving an partner who hits me. Some will say phone police get ducks in a row grab passports anything important
Not thinking perhaps these people are in low paid jobs etc no family and just trapped by circumstances it’s always complicated and can be very diverse.
. However these people are probably (not always) in rented property probably don’t have “shared bank accounts “ shared anything.
I learned over 25 years ago DO NOT HAVE A SHARED ACCOUNT “ I learnt that the bad way. My advise no matter how good things are etc make sure you have an emergency account! Just in case

There's a hilarious one at the moment - woman wants to have her sons privately educated, but is worried about the cost -
"Start saving money by batch cooking"
😂😂😂

I enjoy the complete non-advice, usually in relation to life with a newborn and a lazy dickhead DH:

“I had one twin vaginally and one by emergency C-section. It was lambing season and DH HAD to go away for a month but I managed to get out in the fields at 6am, elbow deep in sheep, a twin in each armpit, and still make a roast for my in-laws, it’s just birth, why are you making such a fuss.”

@DrSbaitso

Nor the worst I've seen, but earlier today a charmer told an unmarried SAHM, who is not on the deeds or mortgage for her partner's home despite putting her £25k divorce settlement into it, that anyone who said this was a cause for concern and her relationship could fail was just "bitter".

User has a clear agenda, but OP might not have been familiar with that person's other pearls of wisdom.

I presume it’s my thread you are referring to?

Ive not been on MN long but absolutely anything in some people’s eyes is a reason to up and leave your partner/spouse. As if in real life it’s actually that simple.. like “my oh did xyz” and some people will be like “omg, leave/divorce them NOW”