AIBU to think there is often really terrible advice on here?

[Ahmadame]

I mean, people suggest completely random shit and then get quite indignant if an OP says they won’t be taking it.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I regularly see weird suggestions on here, or suggestions that are clearly unworkable (like ‘home school your kids’) and I sometimes don’t know if they are serious or not.

What’s the worst bit of MN advice you’ve seen?

@stuckhere I agree. So many comments about don't take time out as you lose the chance to build up your career as much. I will remember to tell my neighbour who at 59 years old still works on a factory line.

The ones where advice is given out via a very middle class lens and loads of assumptions eg in 10 years your DC will be at University and you can return to your career then…..make your snoring DH sleep in the spare room etc etc.

I always think this on threads about children having to - horror of horrors! - share a room with siblings. A totally normal thing for millions of children everywhere but, on Mumsnet, an unspeakable crime against parenting.

My favourite was when a mum said she was sleeping on a sofa bed every night so her kids could have the bedrooms and more than one reply asked ‘can’t you turn your dining room into another bedroom?’

"My MIL wants to cuddle my 1 year old"

"What?! How dare she? OP, this sounds like you have a DH problem and you need to set clear boundaries with MIL and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she ever even looks at your DC again you will cut all contact. And mean it!"

can’t you turn your dining room into another bedroom?

Ooh I hate that one 😂

@walkingonthecracks yes! As soon as your kids are teengers you must never ever support them with anything anymore. And go NC with any child over 18 for daring to even ask for support. I was 28 when I left my abusive husband, and moved back with my parents, taking my two year old with me. Stayed got two years until I could afford my own place. Most of the posters here would have had me out.

@PinkKecks ha ha

It's good that the stigma around mental health is beginning to lift but it sometimes becomes a bit of a get-out-of-jail-free card for people who can't be arsed to engage with negative patterns of behaviour or to lash out at others.

I agree.

A lot of posters seem to think a mention of ‘anxiety’ will excuse them from doing anything meaningful about their problem, and they can instead just moan about it or receive suggestions on how others can help them.

Also ‘co-sleep’ as the answer to EVERY sleep problem. It seems everyone on here starts co sleeping with their ‘terrible sleeping’ newborn, and says their ‘sleep is better now’ although it’s probably just because the baby is older.

A lot of posters seem to think a mention of ‘anxiety’ will excuse them from doing anything meaningful about their problem, and they can instead just moan about it or receive suggestions on how others can help them.

I've seen peri menopausal become a lot more prevalent as an excuse for kicking off at people. Most recently the woman who had a rant at the customer service person because some fruit and veg was removed and crisps put in the space.

The ones where advice is given out via a very middle class lens and loads of assumptions eg in 10 years your DC will be at University and you can return to your career then
Absolutely!
A lot of mn would be horrified at my children's choices. One left school at 16 and moved out at 17. No fall out or anything like that but equally no university. He got a job, rented a house. At the age of 22 was on a trainee management role, doing a degree paid for by his employer, moved into his new house last year and phones us every other day for a chat, socializes with us on a weekly basis. The other one was thinking about uni, dropped out of his A levels, got a job that he adores and branched out on his own 2 years ago in that field at the age of 20. He has plenty of customers and the business is doing well. He is in the process of buying his house which he is hoping to move to in January. Also we didnt save for deposits. I dont get why there's an assumption or expectation that children want to go to uni.
A lot of posters seem to think a mention of ‘anxiety’ will excuse them from doing anything meaningful about their problem
Unfortunately anxiety is being used as an excuse by more and more teenagers to get there own way.
I work with teens and there are some that genuinely have anxiety issues that cause them severe trauma and limit their life. Their anxiety puts a huge strain on their mental health. Then theirs thecteens who wont go to school but will hang round the mall all day and when I challenge why they haven't been I'm told ' it's my anxiety innit, I told my social worker and she says if it's bad I dont have to go'

@astoundedgoat that was me and I did explain that the savings are for both me & DH to decide what we spend them on. As he is older than me, he wanted to buy a property outright and have savings in case anything should happen to him, so that I would have a financial cushion. If we had stayed where we were, we could have bought a smaller property than the one we sold, but would have had no savings, due to the difference in prices. I work FT but earn under £23k and not really any prospect of being able to earn more.

If we were to move, it would use all our savings, which we couldn’t replace as DH is retired now and would rely on us being able to sell this house for more than we paid. Not many people want a nearly-new new build though.

On that….my favourite is “Just up your hours”, “get a better paid job”. As if it’s that easy, especially in areas like I live.

There was a thread a couple of weeks ago about sleeping and the majority of replies were “Co sleep! Just get a king size bed!”. I’ve lived in places where a small double, chest of drawers and a small TV is a squeeze. Plus, co-sleeping isn’t practical for some, if you work shifts, for example but it’s always trotted out on here.

The amount of people that come on to say their relationship is shit, get a unanimous LTB and then stay with them, only to post about TTC less than a month later just makes me so sad.

Advice like show him the thread could be abusive behaviour- imagine a man posted on reddit and then showed his partner reems of pages saying she was abusive woth only a snapshot of behaviour.

Save money by growing your own veg!

Save money by growing your own veg!
I can grow ( or should i say keep alive) supermarket potted herbs such as parsley and basil so that saves me a quid here and there!
I'm not so great with aubergines!

Not advice really but I’m struck by how often someone comes on here to report a falling out with a friend and receives a lot of replies along the lines “you sound really nice, OP, and your friend sounds horrible”. Of course they sound nice, they’re the ones telling the story from their own point of view. It’s basically:

“I’m really nice and lovely and I have fallen out with my friend, the arsehole”

“Oh wow, OP, you sound lovely. Your friend sounds like a total arsehole though, why are you even friends with her?”

Which I mean is fine- we all want a boost sometimes- but it’s not a meaningful assessment of the situation.

There was one in here recently where OP had put her own £25k into a mortgage in husbands name. Her name wasn’t on the mortgage or the deeds, she didn’t work, full time SAHM to one child and her her other two from a previous relationship being raised by the new husband too. The amount of nasty comments about the husband were really so eye opening about how women here project their hatred of men. The guy was practically raising OP’s children for free while she chose not to work, yet he was the bad one. She was being financially naive but she certainly wasn’t getting a bad deal. Yet every other roost was trying to make him out to be evil and manipulative.

And I sincerely hope no MNer will ever become a mother in law. Please make sure your kids, especially have your sons do not ever get married or have children. Because mothers in law are evil, remember? And you will inevitable turn into one, Judith by your reaction to your own. So many OM women on here outraged because the mother in law may have a slightly different idea on how to look after a baby and posters fly into a rage about she must never be left alone with a child.
Comedy gold was a thread where the father in law had given a sip of coffee to OPs toddler, OP was upset but poster were incandescent with rage as though a sip of coffee would kill a toddler. Honestly how these people get though the day.