AIBU to think there is often really terrible advice on here?

[Ahmadame]

I mean, people suggest completely random shit and then get quite indignant if an OP says they won’t be taking it.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I regularly see weird suggestions on here, or suggestions that are clearly unworkable (like ‘home school your kids’) and I sometimes don’t know if they are serious or not.

What’s the worst bit of MN advice you’ve seen?

When people say “You’ve got a DH problem”.

I’m sure the poster’s husband is a problem but so is the person causing trouble in the first place e.g. an ex wife or in law.

Yes. The replies I most dislike are where the OP is a young mum with several young children and has a fairly petty argument with her husband, on whom she’s completely financially reliant, and hundreds of posters pile on to say she should divorce him immediately.

You don't see it so much now but in the Relationships topic - "Just pack his bags and change the locks".

Yeah, because it's totally legal to just tip someone out of their own home like that 🙄

I remember a woman who was worried that her husband was having an affair with a school run mum that she knew.

Someone suggested that she 1) spread rumours about OW 2) steal her DH's phone and arrange a meeting 3) turn up at the meeting instead and say he wasn't coming because he was bored of her.

I still think of this advice often.

There are too many examples to count but one recent one that really sticks out for me is the thread where a woman in quite a senior role thought that, based on name, the sales rep coming to see her was her former school bully.

The number of people suggesting the OP should cause a huge confrontational scene in the meeting, or drop in hugely cutting remarks so that ex-bully would know and be sitting their squirming was ridiculous. What senior professional reactivates a 20 year-old feud in the middle of a meeting with all their management team present? Someone even suggested engaging the bully’s company and then deliberately making her life hell. When I suggested this would cause a lot of problems for the OP, I was told how laughably stupid I was, because anyone who complained about a client would be sacked on the spot. Yeah, that’s how professional businesses operate 🙄

I also remember a nice but very deluded woman who wanted to offer her top budget of £480k for her £630k dream house because ‘They might say yes, mightn’t they? I mean you never know?!?!’ Most people were sensible enough to tell her it was never going to happen - cue a response of ‘Awwh no!!! Really?! I thought you’d all tell me to go for it ’ Then some idiot weighed in saying ‘My aunt offered £120k under the asking price and got it, so you never know’. Of course, NiceButDeluded25 then ignores all the sensible advice she’s been given and gets her hopes right back up.

When an OP posts about her partner's unacceptable behaviour there is a chorus of 'you just need to tell him to...' As if he's only awful because the OP hasn't told him his to behave, and once she does he will immediately see the error of his ways.
A lot of the advice on dealing with extended family is over dramatic and disproportionate. In RL people don't want to cause family rifts by being rude and aggressive to MILs who buy a nursery rug without asking first.
Any advice that is based on projection with no attempt to empathise with the OP. Like LTB when the OP has stated she doesn't want to.
Employment, benefits, debt and legal advice based on zero knowledge of the law.

@funinthesun19

When people say “You’ve got a DH problem”. I’m sure the poster’s husband is a problem but so is the person causing trouble in the first place e.g. an ex wife or in law.

Oh God yes. Yes, the husband should be more supportive when the MIL tells the OP she’s a slatternly whore who belongs in a sewer, but it’s not his fault she said it.

@Skysblue

Yes. The replies I most dislike are where the OP is a young mum with several young children and has a fairly petty argument with her husband, on whom she’s completely financially reliant, and hundreds of posters pile on to say she should divorce him immediately.

The thing is, with those threads, the petty argument that sparked them is usually just the latest manifestation of a relationship that's actually pretty deeply rotten. As the thread goes on, more and more background gets revealed. Very few people in healthy, happy relationships take to the internet about them when they have what truly is a minor tiff over nothing important.

I'm honestly more worried by the number of women living in truly horrible relationships but as soon as this starts to be made clear to them, suddenly insist that we've all got it wrong, they've been unfair and shown him badly, he's so lovely really.

And if there are so many unhappy women who can't leave because of money, that's also something we should be talking about.

@WomanStanleyWoman that old school bully one was insane.

The number of people suggesting the OP should cause a huge confrontational scene in the meeting, or drop in hugely cutting remarks so that ex-bully wouldknowand be sitting their squirming was ridiculous. What senior professional reactivates a 20 year-old feud in the middle of a meeting with all their management team present?

There are a LOT of people on here who really overestimate the power of a "cutting" remark in an entirely inappropriate situation or a billion years too late. The hush you get, if you get it, isn't your old nemesis suddenly seeing the error of their ways and being cut to the quick with humiliation and remorse, nor is it the audience seeing the evil villain with new clarity. It's just a roomful of people wondering why you're being so incredibly inappropriate and wondering what to do now you've made everything so awkward.

It's telling how often this advice is followed by "and then walk away". So it's just a way of getting the last word? What if they answer back?

When OP is clearly in a dodgy situation with a volatile partner and posters tell her to do things that would likely put her in danger. Lost count of the amount of times I've had to say 'don't do this!!'

The advice on 'witty' put downs to supposedly put people who've annoyed you in their place. When in reality if you used them you'd either have them laugh in your face, or punch you in it.

@5128gap

The advice on 'witty' put downs to supposedly put people who've annoyed you in their place. When in reality if you used them you'd either have them laugh in your face, or punch you in it.

I often think of the cringeworthy "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Yes, of course I did. Are you thick as well as stupid? 🤔😂

Yes! And “no is a complete sentence”. In pretty much any real life situation, it isn’t!

@DrSbaitso

Can someone link to the "give them the house" thread? I remember it vaguely but can't find it.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/property/2201323-I-want-to-evict-a-tenant-who-has-been-there-for-40-years

It's not a thread to cause anyone to sit open-mouthed at the number of posters suggesting giving the house away. It only comes up briefly and is mocked soon afterwards.

So much inappropriate medical advice, or people guessing at diagnoses.

There's almost never enough information given for this.

@Thecurtainsofdestiny

So much inappropriate medical advice, or people guessing at diagnoses.

There's almost never enough information given for this.

There was some idiot on here recently telling a poster who had chest pain to have a drink and do a covid test instead of seeking proper medical attention. Luckily that poster was ignored and the lady with chest pain was seen with angina.

There are a LOT of people on here who really overestimate the power of a "cutting" remark in an entirely inappropriate situation or a billion years too late.

Exactly. On that particular thread, dozens of people seemed to assume the bully would a) have remembered everything and b) been utterly mortified by the cutting revelation of her former behaviour. It didn’t seem to occur to any of them that she might not even remember, or still be a total bitch and not give a damn that she made the OP’s life hell in 1998.

Thanks, BadLad.

Seems the suggestion wasn't entirely serious anyway...that poster looks to have been making a point about the OP not wanting to borrow the money for repairs.

And don’t get me started on this “free 30 minutes” bollocks. Many of us, in fact probably most of us, just don’t do that!

Well, you're obviously acting illegally then. You're obliged to give us that thirty minutes.

I read it on AIBU.

Anyone mentioned this gem yet? Couple having a huge argument about division of finances and chores. Solution: present him with a massive bill for years of past childcare.

Yep, that'll solve it.

Solution: present him with a massive bill for years of past childcare.

Ha, yeah. I'm all for valuing the contribution of a SAHP, but this argument is just silly. The WOHP can just as easily present the SAHP with a massive bill for however many years of rent/mortgage, heating, electricity, water, food, petrol, clothing and so on. It's likely to be bigger.

A&E attendance for non emergencies (you’ll likely wait for 8 hours and then get turfed back to your GP)

Medical diagnoses based on someone having similar symptoms to their grandmother’s sister’s cat. Urging them to go back to the GP demanding more and more tests despite no medical training, knowledge of the natural history, understanding of investigations or medical history and demographic of the poster. Driving health anxiety +++.

Honestly, the worried well will be the downfall of the NHS.

Thos

People been taken in by some complete arse, come here looking for advice. The brilliant phrase, oh give your head a wobble. What are they, a fucking weeble. How does that phrase help?

The LTB and then you will get a break e.o.w.
Unm not guaranteed with a crap dad is it?

Go back to work so he has to pay 50% of childcare costs,
Always said but conveniently forgetting this will mean the OP then becomes responsible for a share of all the other bills.