..
YANBU
I posted a thread the other day (now deleted as there ended up being quite a lot of identifying info) asking for advice on changing social worker - long story short, exH has been accused by a member of his family’s child of showing her a naked picture of a woman. Initially he was accused of doing this at a particular party, first I heard of it was when 9yo DD said “Lucy said dad showed her a rude picture at Beth’s party last year”. Bearing in mind I was driving, I nearly crashed the car but my immediate panicked and confused instinct was to say “he wasn’t even at Beth’s party last year as it was also YOUR party that day”. I also gave a statement to police saying the truth which was I never had any previous concerns about exH. Since then, there’s been no arrest but exH went for a voluntary interview, and social services have imposed conditions whereby he has his usual EOW contact but with MIL present and no overnight visits.
Anyway fast forward to now and my SW is thick as pig shit, gets SO many things wrong, doesn’t listen at all and is saying it’s a ‘concern’ that I have ‘defended exH’ in my statement (I haven’t, I just stated facts as I knew them at the time) and used the above 2 examples - even though I’ve complied with everything, made it clear that I am supportive of their imposed supervised-only contact and that depending on the outcome of all this I am happy to withhold contact if he is proven to be a risk. My AIBU asked about how to change social workers, and I mentioned that I had a child protection conference coming up.
Cue oodles of posters telling me “STOP CONTACT NOW” - even though I said that could damage me further down the line if no further action was taken but exH then took legal action against me saying I was alienating the kids (look at the active threads at the moment whereby this exact thing from problem men is rampant in a system that doesn’t support women). Not to mention it would be genuinely distressing for my kids when a safe alternative arrangement was in place. I was told I was minimising and therefore I’d absolutely have my kids taken off me in the very near future, some people told me I’d deserve to lose them if I didn’t cut exH out RIGHT NOW (aka go against social services plans) and some said to basically say to SW that I believe his guilt and that I never want him to see the kids ever again. Some told me that my children had DEFINITELY been sexually abused and I was failing them by not coaxing a confession from them (I’ve had the conversation and I know my kids and believe them when they say he’s never hurt them). One prick of a poster even said “Go on then just lose your fucking kids” when I stated that I wouldn’t be refusing to send them to supervised visits. Other posters with alleged experience of the family court said “go to court [not even going to fucking court over this] and INSIST to the judge on contact centre only contact” (ha as if it works like that) and another poster said, when I mentioned I was worried exH was a genuine suicide risk due to past MH issues, that my kids would be better off if he was dead. Bear in mind, no arrest had been made, the only time they could pinpoint him being around this child since she was a baby was a time he wasn’t even present as he was with me and I’d had no suspicions at all, ever, about him and he’s whilst he may have done it he also may NOT have.
Someone also amusingly said - after I pointed it was SS themselves who imposed the supervised-contact plan until the investigation is either over or something is found - - “social workers aren’t your parents, they don’t tell you what to do, you have to figure out what’s best for your kids and if you get it wrong then they WILL be removed from you.” 
so basically saying if the plan social services made doesn’t work it’s MY fault?!!!?!
Anyway it’s a good job that I’m thick skinned and didn’t cave into the insane scaremongering of “you WILL lose your kids even if you cut contact with exH and no further action is taken, they may as well be gone now” and listened to a few amazing posters who were actually social workers and have me some brilliant advice (and told the scaremongers onto STFU). Honestly it’s like people want others to suffer.
Anyway had the conference on Wednesday and kids are on a child in need plan - the ‘lowest’ possible outcome. No intention whatsoever to move to the stage to remove kids, I think the IRO in the meeting wondered WTF I was going on about when I asked about that. All agencies happy with me and confident my children are safe wherever they go.
So many catastrophisers on here who need a hobby.