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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious he mentioned this in public?!

134 replies

Neverfightamanwithaperm · 28/11/2021 20:18

Manager at work came and told me he wanted to discuss my absence record next week with me whilst we were standing in a small room full of other employees?! AIBU to be a bit like WTF? There are numerous other rooms off this one that he could have taken me into...

OP posts:
Kuachui · 29/11/2021 05:28

my whole family has flu at the moment and its lasted 2 weeks, i couldnt have worked... i thought it was covid because its so bad, my kids also alongside it got conjunctivitis so this is a household of sickness at the moment i think its to be expected

IntermittentParps · 29/11/2021 17:24

@Bumblefuzz

Completely inappropriate and a breach of confidentiality. This should either be raised with them directly, their Manager or HR. Whilst they may not have said anything specifically in relation to your absences, it is not their place to raise publicly.

Incidentally, emergency time off for dependents is a statutory right and should not be lumped together with your own sickness.

Yes, this.
Extragherkinsplease · 29/11/2021 17:35

I’m not saying it’s right but there could be good reasons for him to have done it where he did.

First of all he didn’t actually discuss anything with you, just asked for a meeting. Everyone you works with knows you will have had days off so it’s not like it’s a secret.

It might have been a subtle warning to someone else in the room who has been taking the P with sick days?

This might have been in front of someone who wasn’t happy about your sick leave?

When you have your meeting, if you’re a small company will people notice that you’ve gone for a meeting and most likely ask you about it anyway?

I don’t think you should be furious about it but maybe when you do meet, you could ask ‘in the future I’d appreciate an email instead of asking me in front of everyone’.

IntermittentParps · 29/11/2021 17:40

@Extragherkinsplease

I’m not saying it’s right but there could be good reasons for him to have done it where he did.

First of all he didn’t actually discuss anything with you, just asked for a meeting. Everyone you works with knows you will have had days off so it’s not like it’s a secret.

It might have been a subtle warning to someone else in the room who has been taking the P with sick days?

This might have been in front of someone who wasn’t happy about your sick leave?

When you have your meeting, if you’re a small company will people notice that you’ve gone for a meeting and most likely ask you about it anyway?

I don’t think you should be furious about it but maybe when you do meet, you could ask ‘in the future I’d appreciate an email instead of asking me in front of everyone’.

What rot. He did 'actually discuss' something – he mentioned the OP's absence record.

Why on earth would someone be all cloak and dagger and do 'subtle warnings' Hmm rather than have a quiet word with anyone saying they weren’t happy about your sick leave?

And if you've been to a meeting about a personal/sensitive aspect of your work life and people notice and ask about it (which I can't realistically imagine happening anyway, but OK), you'd be well within your rights to tell them to mind their beeswax.

ecceromani · 29/11/2021 17:43

Time off to look after your toddler is NOT sick time.
If your company is classing it that way you need to get this rectified.
Unprofessional of manager to mention this in front of everyone but I don't think that's your biggest issue here!

Joysutty · 29/11/2021 17:45

When I read this it brought back a time being about 18 years ago (as now retired) when I had been off sick from my job due to a heavy period, and manager being male took me to window on a floor full of mostly men in this engineering department (only 4 ladies being clerical on the whole of the floor) to discuss why I had been off sick. Was so embarassed but at the end he did say that I should see my doctor/gp and get some tablets/treatment which I did as he said he didnt want to see me off in the near future. But so damn embarrasing yes thats for sure/certain. Dark ages maybe 18 years ago but certainly not acceptable today or in the past really to be honest.

PearlclutchersInc · 29/11/2021 17:49

Two were my illness, two were my son's. You took absence ie sick leave because your child was ill?

Depending on your company policy its not surprising management are wanting a word.

IntermittentParps · 29/11/2021 17:56

Depending on your company policy its not surprising management are wanting a word.
That's as maybe. That's not the point though, is it? The point is he announced it in front of people.

Extragherkinsplease · 29/11/2021 17:56

@IntermittentParps

‘Cloak and dagger’ comments in the work place are a real thing… and You ‘can’t imagine’ one of your colleagues asking you if ‘everything’s ok? Noticed you had a meeting with XX this morning?’

Don’t know if you work by yourself or just maybe don’t talk to anyone in the office?

IntermittentParps · 29/11/2021 17:58

[quote Extragherkinsplease]@IntermittentParps

‘Cloak and dagger’ comments in the work place are a real thing… and You ‘can’t imagine’ one of your colleagues asking you if ‘everything’s ok? Noticed you had a meeting with XX this morning?’

Don’t know if you work by yourself or just maybe don’t talk to anyone in the office?[/quote]
I don't work in an office now but did for many years, including in small companies. In which, yes, I did used to talk to people in the office, thanks for checking.

And no, I have no experience of/can't imagine anyone being so nosy as to enquire after why a colleague had had a meeting. If you volunteered the info, sure, but otherwise? Really, no.

Extragherkinsplease · 29/11/2021 18:03

@IntermittentParps

I can’t imagine no one saying anything…
As per my first comment, if it’s a small business and it’s obvious that you’ve been unusually away from your desk for a while it’s likely someone would be aware and ask a simple ‘everything ok?’.

Even if you don’t offer up the information I honestly can’t imagine working somewhere where people didn’t even check in quickly in this situation?

IntermittentParps · 29/11/2021 18:07

[quote Extragherkinsplease]@IntermittentParps

I can’t imagine no one saying anything…
As per my first comment, if it’s a small business and it’s obvious that you’ve been unusually away from your desk for a while it’s likely someone would be aware and ask a simple ‘everything ok?’.

Even if you don’t offer up the information I honestly can’t imagine working somewhere where people didn’t even check in quickly in this situation?[/quote]
What can I say, I guess we've just worked in very different offices. I can only really imagine that happening if someone came back huffing/crying/otherwise visibly upset or annoyed and clearly WANTING someone to ask about it.
Otherwise IME people are more discreet and respectful of privacy.

ElectraBlue · 29/11/2021 18:07

@workshy44 ''only 4 days apart from COVID ?? That’s a lot as there are literally zero bugs around apart from it ''

WTF?

The common cold and the flu have not magically disappeared you know. Not to mention the fact that some people have long term health conditions and/or disabilities which can cause them to need to take sick days off. Or someone can have an accident or cancer or a heart condition...

Sometimes the stuff you read here is just priceless.

shoeshshoes · 29/11/2021 18:08

@workshy44

He should of discussed it in private but “only” 4 days apart from COVID ?? That’s a lot as there are literally zero bugs around apart from it added to all the hand washing etc. I haven’t had a sickness day since covid
I take it you don't have kids!
OhGiveUp · 29/11/2021 18:09

There's a thing called confidentiality. It seems that your boss has never heard of it OP.
Maybe you could bring him up to speed on it.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/11/2021 18:12

That’s a lot as there are literally zero bugs around this is the funniest thing i've ever read on the internet, says the mother of two toddlers and one early years child

Abraxan · 29/11/2021 18:15

@workshy44

He should of discussed it in private but “only” 4 days apart from COVID ?? That’s a lot as there are literally zero bugs around apart from it added to all the hand washing etc. I haven’t had a sickness day since covid
Zero. It's apart from covid right now?! 🤣

I've had a cold or virus for most of this half term.
This week it appears to have gone to my chest - I'm coughing a lot, my chest hurts and is really tight, my breathings rubbish if I move much.
It's not covid - PCRs and LFTs tell me that much.

There are loads of other bugs and viruses going around right now, amongst adults and children!

Everythingpissesmeoff · 29/11/2021 18:17

Why is that relevant?

MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 29/11/2021 18:21

@workshy44

He should of discussed it in private but “only” 4 days apart from COVID ?? That’s a lot as there are literally zero bugs around apart from it added to all the hand washing etc. I haven’t had a sickness day since covid
Zero bloody bugs?!?
Everythingpissesmeoff · 29/11/2021 18:22

I meant this:
‘Depends, are covid absences due to not being vaccinated?’

wentworthinmate · 29/11/2021 18:24

You don't happen to work at Waitrose do you??? Sort of thing the managers there would do, CF's

user7377378283 · 29/11/2021 18:29

Is this a new manager? Rookie mistake

waitingpatientlyforspring · 29/11/2021 18:31

@workshy44

He should of discussed it in private but “only” 4 days apart from COVID ?? That’s a lot as there are literally zero bugs around apart from it added to all the hand washing etc. I haven’t had a sickness day since covid
I've been in current job 6 years and never been off sick till last month when I've had (and still counting) a viral illness for 5 weeks. I was really, really ill in the middle when it turned into tonsillitis and I've had four days off with days working from home too.

My GP said our immune systems are so low due to lock downs and social distancing that normal viral bugs which ARE out there are knocking people out.

MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 29/11/2021 18:36

Tbh, there's a lot saying that's too many sick days but you 100% can never please everyone, I get colds a lot, the other day there was a thread saying you shouldn't go to work with a cold. Do you can't work and you can't have a day off, not everyone can't WFH, then what??
It was unprofessional of your boss, yes.

YDBear · 29/11/2021 18:38

Hang on, it's only Monday. And he wants to discuss it next week? He can't find five minutes today? What a crock! He's obviously trying to embarrass you and make you sweat about your job for a week, while he ODs on his self-importance. There's nothing about either his request or the issue itself that can't be addressed through e-mail. Who is your boss's boss? Email them a complaint about this tosser for unprofessional conduct.