@johnd2
My opinion is that the only true safe space is one that only you can enter.
Not much use for getting support though, assuming you even have access to such a space.
Sounds like this was a space for supporting people who are struggling and it's hard to provide neat rules for who is allowed access. Clearly the rules work for one person and not another.
Maybe the trans person was lacking in empathy but maybe they didn't know her story and maybe had their own problems.
It is a shame when this happens and the answer is more and better facilities with more safe spaces so people can find the one they are comfortable with .
I hope things go well for all those involved. Take care everyone.
OK.
Safe space being one you can enter.
A service runs a number of groups, like this one does.
A womens group
A mens group
Am ostensibly mixed sex group for trans/non binary individuals
Which one does a trans identified male go to?
Well, if he has been traumtatised and needs support he would probably want to go to a group that was set up to give him the support he needed, had infomration and connections he needed. So the trans/non binary group would be the best fit for him
What would it mean for him to choose the womens group? Well, he'd have to be self centred enough not to care about the traumatised women in there. He would be intentionally depriving a room full of traumatised women a safe space, knowing that there were 2 other groups that would accept him.
You say it's a shame. Caused by a lack of empathy. I say it's a deliberate act of self validation.
More and better facilities you say? I help fund raising for a refuge. I have seen our funding cut by about 40% because we run female led services. Groups set up and run by women, for women, Groups that for over a decade self funded because they didn't meet criteria for any significant Lottery funding. Then, after getting big enough and wise enough to run the service in a way the Lottery could fund we got told that we were not diverse enough and had our funding cut.
By diverse they specifically meant, confirmed in numerous missives, that this single sex service did not accommodate men.
There is no other refuge within 20 miles. It too is a small independent and is in precisely the same situation we are.
We had neat rules Any woman who needed us. Any woman and her kids under a specific age. Any woman and kids over that age. ALL had a place to come to. Those rules worked for ALL women and ALL of their kids.
Now, in order to continue to exist we MUST allow men into our services. Why?
Men, trans or other, could do as women have done, Set up their own centres. But no, they see what women have set up and have chosen to take it. Why?
So now we have had to set aside space, time, funding for a mixed sex group. and differently accessed sleeping spaces. About 80+% of the time it is attended by women only but when we do get a trans individual, male or female, come to us that is the group they go to. It has cost a fortune to set up, to write up the new Values etc, new funding streams. new spaces, new staff, new training, so many new things.
And who pays for all of that? Well, the womens space does. Traumatised women do. The women who support the group in finances, time and expertise do.
That is the reality for any group that chooses to remain single sex. We, luckily, have had nobody complaining about our service, but if/when we do I anticipate it to be from a trans identified male wanting to join the womens groups and living accommodation. Which is why we are currently looking at how to protect the service from this. How to rebuff such demand without losing our legal footing and funding streams. One such complaint could completely destroy us UNLESS we chose to do as that Brighton based servcie did and allow self ID. Which we won't!
So it isn't hypothetical for some. It is real, fairly imminent, and this story has made it more so, as I can only imagine that one of these days a headline like that will be the impetus for our being challenged!