He can't explain it to you as the real reason is because a divorce would be very expensive for him.
I agree
It's not that he CAN'T it's that he won't because that will show his true colours
Also agree the £25 k is not good enough - how much had the house appreciated and will the new house appreciate in the time until you get that back? You should get the interest accrued on that £25 k investment too
It's both frustrating and heartbreaking just how many women are still allowing themselves to be screwed over by men unwilling to properly and fully commit to their families
I wouldn't have had dc without being married first I was very clear about that, and I wouldn't have given up a job either and I didn't
Ex was army and even when we married and we could have managed on his salary alone I still insisted on getting a full time job of any kind ASAP.
I've seen the results of being too dependent on men financially in a variety of scenarios - not just separation/divorce - and I would never risk it! ESP with children to consider
It's NOT just if/when you split it's also if he becomes incapacitated (this is actually the most complex and expensive possibility) or dies (young fit healthy men DO die unfortunately, not often but it does happen and because people don't expect it to happen they are often very poorly prepared for it)
Wills and insurance are NOT guarantees if you aren't married, the deceased persons family of origin/blood relatives can and do step in and challenge these and are more often successful than people expect them to be
You need to look out for yourself and your dc op
Please don't do all the work at home if you go back to work. If he does not want to share his pension he can scrub his own pants.
Damn straight!
He also needs to take his fair share of days off for kids sick days and school holidays etc
With a partner who financially isn't contributing
Wow!
1 you mean aside from the £25k?!
2 she's saving HIM a bundle on childcare for THEIR child!
3 her work in the home is just as valuable as his outside the home
OP, why don't you make a list of what this arrangement is costing you in terms of lost salary and lost pension. This may help you to see your financial worth and what you are sacrificing here.
That's an excellent idea
I'm almost afraid to ask...do you have to go begging for "extras" money wise op?
Does he decide what is an acceptable amount to be spent on you and dc?
Question (that you needn't answer here but I think need to consider) how does he view his divorce settlement and is he accurate? Or is he bitter about it despite it being a fair or even unfair result for his ex?
@Thehouseofmarvels my mum had a friend who lived with a chap for over 30 years, unmarried, he never bothered getting around to divorcing his ex and neither did the ex, when he died intestate (don't even get me started on the stupidity of a man in his 70's and a homeowner not having a will!) the house (which mums friend had contributed to in terms of maintenance and repairs and decor etc over the years by simply giving him the money to do so) went to his ex in its entirety and mums friend was unceremoniously turfed out of her home
She had been wrongly under the impression there was such a thing as common law marriage she even had in her head that living together 10+ years was the cut off point (no idea where she got this idea!)
She also lost savings that were in an account in his name it was a mess! In total she effectively lost £750,000 worth of assets!
The myth of common law marriage and associated benefits and rights must be debunked and refuted.
On a similar thread a pp said that they wished girls were taught in school how vulnerable they are of unmarried Sahm, other posters argued "boys aren't taught this" well clearly boys/men ARE learning from somewhere it's a "bad idea" to marry, to expose themselves financially by doing so
Personally I think such information SHOULD be a part of financial education which SHOULD be part of maths education