... to ask how well you get with SILs/BILs?

[FreeAsAByrd]

Thought triggered by some recent posts. Our extended family will spend a good bit of time together over the holidays, and it is not something I especially enjoy.

-> One SIL I really don't get on with. We have very little in common, and I'm always struggling to have a conversation with her. It's just so boring (she'd probably say the same about me though!)

-> Two BIL that are very career orientated. To an extent I am too, but don't need to talk about it the whole time.

DH and his Dad really enjoy this time together, and I know how much it means to them. For me, it's often a mild form of torture :)

AIBU - YES - I get on well with SIL/BIL
AIBU - NO - I really don't get on well with SIL/BIL

Not at all! Shane, because I absolutely admired my ex-boyfriend's brother and sister-in-law!!

My SIL is like a second sister. My late Mum called her "daughter number three".

I do not get on with my SIL, she is even by her own Mothers admission really hard work and dominating. She is basically like her Father who pretty much gave MIL a breakdown, both overbearing bullies. As she got older she got worse she then became extremely bitter that she didn’t marry or have dc. She has recently had quite a lot of money off of MIL to the extent that MIL is selling her home next spring. I have had MIL on the phone too many times crying about SIL behaviour, SIL has also done some awful things to me.

OP I would happily have any of your in laws.

I can easily have a conversation - it's all very surface level

They talk about money and work. They don't really go out or socialise. That's fine. Sil makes little spiteful comments about people. She's very keen to look richer than she is. But they are fine.

I get on fine with them and enjoy spending time with them but in reality I find by sil difficult and I’d not be her friend if it wasn’t for the family relationship and I suspect she’d not be mine.

She can be loud, judgemental and rude, hugely argumentative and very domineering. On the flip side she can be also be lovely. The result is, I am very cautious in my behaviour round her.

I get on well with all of then fortunately. I didn’t used to get on with my husbands sister but that was because his mother has never warmed to me and as she’s always been close to her mum it caused issues between us. The issues with my mil persisted and after trying for many years to get her to like me I gave up and broke contact with her. After this happened my sil changed towards me and has been lovely.

My husbands sister is a bitch who slags me and my kids off. I refuse to call her sil as that assumes we have some kind of relationship.

My bil is a crazy asshole. He was absolutely horrid to me when I was pregnant and as a result neither i nor dp speak with him.

I got on really will with them until I left their brother. Since then, not a word. Every story has two sides but they don't want to hear mine. I feel rather bereft.

My BILs and SIL are lovely. Would they be my kind of people of they weren't family? Possibly not as we're very different, but I think I'd still like them if I met them randomly. I think I'm very lucky.

My DBs wife I get on well with, we are very different but I like her a lot. BIL (DHs brother) I really like but his wife is hard work. Very difficult to have a conversation with as she just seems quite abrupt and disinterested. She's great when she's had a few drinks though so I think she just a bit socially awkward, whereas I talk for England so it's probably just a personality clash.

I love my SIL and BIL, they’re lovely people. Very lucky to have met them. All my in laws (even the extended family) are lovely actually.

My DH has two brothers, and I get on very well with them. They are all very similar in mannerisms, hobbies (the same sport), work in same broad industry, etc. In fact I sometimes think I could have ended up with any of them!! They are a very close family.

I don't find it easy to form close relationships with people so for me, my ex 'SIL' was just a random my brother lived with. I was obviously nice to her, and she was fine, but above that she wasn't really anything to do with me.

I get on OK with SILs. It's a superficial relationship though, and without the extended family aspect I can't imagine we'd be in contact due to locations, interests, etc.

BIL made a pass at me one drunken night many years ago. I was sober enough to push it off, and as a result I totally avoid him (I'm actually very very attracted to him, but wouldn't go there)

I get on fine with my brother's wife, we're the same age and had similar upbringings. My bil's wife is very nice person, we meet twice a year she is alot younger so interests and stuff are different and when we meet we get along fine.
(Why doesn't the English language have different terms for different sil's?!)

Me and my SIL have a good relationship but don't talk every week or spend time together really unless it's a family thing, we used to be very good friends who used to hang out a lot just us a few years ago and go on holiday just us two but she went travelling, Covid hit and we slightly drifted x

My BiLs are really lovely. Sweet, thoughtful, good fun and kind. Love them both

I do like my SiL and she can be nice if she's getting something out of it... but we get tired of her constant need for competition with DP- her eldest brother. She recently had a shit fit because DP didn't tell her he was going to propose to me before he did it, then asked some extremely patronising and insulting questions of DP that are not her business. SiL didn't apologise but has since tried to insert herself into our planning with constant offers to "help". She only messages DP about it though, despite getting silence back. She seems to have forgotten the bride might have some input/want some creative control, lol. She might get engaged herself soon- it's all just attempts to get info, undermine and meddle because it's really all about a one sided sibling rivalry she self perpetuates and having to win.

Oh and my husband's sisters are all different but with age we have all learned to get along. The eldest and youngest are completely different than the middle sister who was harder to get along with, very opinionated and gossipy but I don't see her as often anymore so we get along fine.

My SIL is very hard work, always bitter, resentful and full of the woe is me's!!!! Everything is hard for her and you sure as hell know it.

She has to run every decision through her Husband, even down to the tiniest thing, which makes me wonder what their relationship is like behind closed doors.

She's done some pretty mean and spiteful things in the past and hasn't always been in her best behaviour.

I don't like spending time with her at all.

My DH's sibling are grand. A lot older than me 15+yrs) we just chat about "easy" things weather, work.

My siblings partner/ spouses I mostly get on with very well. One SIL I have to be wary of, she can snap and turn for no apparent reason. A few of my family say they walk on egg shells around her just to make sure they can see the kids/ keep the peace. Although she was lovely at the last family party we had so maybe we have all mellowed!

On reflection, I think I like them more than my/DH’s own siblings

My SiLs are both amazing (DB’s wife and BiL’s wife). They are like sisters to me now and I would choose them as friends.
My BiL and I have less in common, but he is absolutely lovely.

They probably have a WhatsApp group about the family they married into (they bloody should do)

I get on fine with my SiL on the surface. She lives far away from me so we don't have much contact. My SiL has some mental health issues which include her being paranoid and overanalyzing every word said to try to make out that you have insulted her in some way. So these days I try to keep conversation to a minimum. She has tried to get into fights with me about this but I refuse to engage as I won't cut off contact with my brother.

Husband's sister is a brat who tried her best to spoil our wedding. If the aliens come, I hope they abduct her first.

My brother's wife is nice but they live abroad so we're not close.

I really like my SIL (wife of brother). We have quite a lot in common, and she knows when to offer advice and when to just sympathise. We'd probably be friends if we had met randomly.