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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to ask how well you get with SILs/BILs?

112 replies

FreeAsAByrd · 27/11/2021 09:56

Thought triggered by some recent posts. Our extended family will spend a good bit of time together over the holidays, and it is not something I especially enjoy.

-> One SIL I really don't get on with. We have very little in common, and I'm always struggling to have a conversation with her. It's just so boring (she'd probably say the same about me though!)

-> Two BIL that are very career orientated. To an extent I am too, but don't need to talk about it the whole time.

DH and his Dad really enjoy this time together, and I know how much it means to them. For me, it's often a mild form of torture :)

AIBU - YES - I get on well with SIL/BIL
AIBU - NO - I really don't get on well with SIL/BIL

OP posts:
RemorselessNorsemen · 27/11/2021 10:54

Not spoken to her for near on ten years. Very self centred, selfish woman.
Happily for me she doesn't live near us, although she does still attempt to message DH with her demands for MIL's care (things like demanding DH only take her for a certain brand of covid vaccine for one). She never calls him, only FB Message or text and only when she wants something.

DH sees through her now, it took him a while, but the demands, coupled with the complete disinterest in her adult Niece and Nephew (no contact at all, not even a Christmas card and they now don't bother sending her) have lifted the blinkers somewhat.

SquigglePigs · 27/11/2021 10:56

I have one SIL (DH's sister). We get on really well. Not a lot in common so probably wouldn't be friends without the family connection but we have fun together when she comes to stay or we're all together at my PILs. We live at opposite sides of the country so get together a few weekends a year (more now we have a DD for her to visit!).

Darkpheonix · 27/11/2021 10:57

I dont speak to my brother or his wife after his wife told me (a working mother) that working mothers should be infertile and not allowed children if they won't be a sahp.

Dps sister is my best friend and she introduced us.

Don't have any Bil.

Bellfor · 27/11/2021 10:59

@nettytree

My husbands sister is a bitch who slags me and my kids off. I refuse to call her sil as that assumes we have some kind of relationship.

@nettytree Your SIL would get on well with mine.

Pbbananabagel · 27/11/2021 11:01

I don’t have a tonne of stuff in common with my SIL/BIL’s but I love them and enjoy spending time with them when we all get together, moreover- I love that my children have them as Aunties and Uncles. We don’t really have the kind of relationship where we’d just get together independent of my husband other than for special occasions eg my hen do, but I look forward to getting to that in the future, we’re family now.

Burgerqueenbee · 27/11/2021 11:01

It's a mixture, I'm one of 6 and DH one of 5 so there are a lot of bil/sil.
Only one would I like to never see, one of my bil's partner. She is an odd character and rubs most people up the wrong way, a real shame as that bil was my absolute favourite but he has now changed to be a bit like his DP.

BeyondMyWits · 27/11/2021 11:02

Husband's brother thought it was ok 3 Christmases ago to look at porn videos on his phone whilst sat next to my 17 year old daughter. He has not been in my house since.

Pbbananabagel · 27/11/2021 11:05

I’ll caveat that though, my sister’s husband is the brother I always wanted. We have tonnes in common and he and my husband really get on too and often go out for drinks

crackersforcheese · 27/11/2021 11:08

My sil is my best friend which so many people find strange. But we love it as our children are very close too x

nillynally · 27/11/2021 11:10

My sister in law is a 30 yo with the maturity age of a 14 yo. It's literally like being in the room with a young teenager. Everything's an innuendo, she has no social awareness, she can be very tactless, she's highly competitive and a real show off. She often climbs in or on the children's toys to prove she's small enough to still use them and nothing goes in her mouth until she's satisfied everyone knows she's earned this, because she's been to the gym. She's really hard work but I think everyone else is starting to see it.

User5252727 · 27/11/2021 11:13

I get on brilliantly with my siblings' spouses - I consider them (along with my siblings) to be my best friends, and I love spending time with them. The christmases that we are together are a riot.

I get on fine with my husband's brother, but we aren't close and never will be. He's a few years younger than us and a very different person. No objections to him at all, he's perfectly nice and I don't mind being in his company at family events, but we wouldn't socialise outside them and we don't have anything in common. His girlfriend also seems fine, but she hardly ever comes to family things so I barely know her. It's all friendly and drama-free, though.

My PIL are wonderful, I love them to pieces.

RampantIvy · 27/11/2021 11:13

SIL and I both make an effort to get on, but we really have very little in common with each other. I loved my late MIL. She was like a second mother to me.

Kendoddsdadsdogsdadsdead · 27/11/2021 11:13

Oddly, I view my siblings in-laws as family and love them. My in laws on my husbands side, I like them, and get on with them, but they aren't my family and while I enjoy spending time with them, I'm not their mates and wouldn't do anything individually with them, as I would with my siblings partners.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 27/11/2021 11:14

Not really, but we are both polite people so it’s fine!

Dogsaresomucheasier · 27/11/2021 11:15

My husband’s brothers can be utter dicks. Their wives and I have our own support group.

saraclara · 27/11/2021 11:16

I've always got along okay with my SIL, but after my DH's death we've become much closer. Our kids are similar ages and all get on too. So it's all pretty nice and comfortable.

Kitkat151 · 27/11/2021 11:17

3 of my sister in laws are like I would imagine a sister relationship to be....li have known them 35 years and we are very close( I’ve only got brothers) ....the other 2 SILs I have no time for .....i last saw one of them 10 years ago and the other one 6 years ago .....and if I never see them again that’s fine by me.

CurbsideProphet · 27/11/2021 11:17

My sibling's husband is very nice, we get on well. He's easy to get along with.

DH's sibling and their spouse are difficult. Not conversational and just different to me. They threatened to never speak to DH again during our first cycle of IVF. He was looking after me and not available to see them every weekend to lavish praise on their ability to procreate without medical assistance. I just "grey rock" them all now as it's easier.

VienneseWhirligig · 27/11/2021 11:17

Only 3/6 are still alive (late DH's siblings) and then my sister has a partner.

My sister's partner is great. I love her like another sister, the pair of them have been on holiday with us loads and we are very close.

DH's siblings: one SIL is very reclusive and while we get on fine we don't see each other beyond funerals and weddings. The other SIL is lovely and since DH's death has made a real effort to include me in family events and keep in touch. BIL is recently widowed himself and has deteriorated, he's now an alcoholic who has stopped managing his diabetes because he is heartbroken. I've tried to help him but he's not receptive. So I am there if he wants to talk, which he does often, but his health is his business. He has grown up children who are estranged from him (and DH used to be close to him but then stopped seeing so much of him a few years back) so he is very lonely.

RampantIvy · 27/11/2021 11:27

My BIL is a self absorbed, lazy, selfish arsehole, but we are civil towards each other.

My SIL takes the view that no-one is good enough for her family and isn't close to her son in law or daughters in law. She actually told me this herself. Then she wonders why her sons don't visit as often as she would like them to.

MIL noticed that SIL was quite frosty with me and ws quite cross about that.

KarenofSparta · 27/11/2021 11:32

The two blood-related to my Ex-H were awful for many varied different reasons. The two non-blood related BIL & SIL were fab, kind, interesting: I often think now that that contrast should have been a clue that my marriage was doomed.

CorpusCallosum · 27/11/2021 11:50

I love DHs sis, we had our first babies at the same time and bonded. We live far apart so aren't in each other's pockets at all but we get on. She will have our DC if anything happens to us.

My brothers wife is lovely but we're not on the same wavelength. She's brilliant for my DBro though so I love her for that.

Powaqa · 27/11/2021 11:51

I have never met one BIL or his wife and we have been married 13 years. There were some issues re their DC and my PILs are now the DCs legal guardians.
We don't have a relationship with the other BIL and SIL. They are arseholes and we haven't spoken to them in 12 years.
There are no family meals at Christmas

OhGiveUp · 27/11/2021 12:06

I get on fine with them all. They're all very nice people who are easy to get on with.
We see each other as family.

AuntieMarys · 27/11/2021 12:11

Not at all. They have massive chips on their shoulders and wish it was 1970.

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