... to ask how well you get with SILs/BILs?

[FreeAsAByrd]

Thought triggered by some recent posts. Our extended family will spend a good bit of time together over the holidays, and it is not something I especially enjoy.

-> One SIL I really don't get on with. We have very little in common, and I'm always struggling to have a conversation with her. It's just so boring (she'd probably say the same about me though!)

-> Two BIL that are very career orientated. To an extent I am too, but don't need to talk about it the whole time.

DH and his Dad really enjoy this time together, and I know how much it means to them. For me, it's often a mild form of torture :)

AIBU - YES - I get on well with SIL/BIL
AIBU - NO - I really don't get on well with SIL/BIL

On my side, I don’t like my BiL. It’s completely mutual and over the years we’ve just developed a veneer of politeness. Never met my other BiL. I absolutely adore my sil. We’re pretty close and I consider her to be my sister.

On DH’s side, I get on fine with both of them but don’t really know them beyond a surface level because we’ve always lived so far away. Same for one of DH’s step brothers. The other I get on quite well with and we’ll catch up by text every month or two.

One SIL we have nothing to do with. To put it frankly, she's a evil psychopathic cow.

The other SIL we have a good relationship, but I was friends with her before I got with DH.

Love mine and get on so well. As do the kids. Just wish they didn’t live in Australia as we haven’t seen them in SO long and I don’t know when we will 😢

I really liked my BIL until he got with his current partner (I hate using SIL as IMO she is nothing to bloody do with me!) and she's ruined the relationship we had, the relationship he had with my DP (his brother) and she's working on ruining his relationship with his parents. He used to stay with us regularly, come for meals and days out etc him and my DP used to play sports together, go on days out / weekend away and it was in general really amazing - like having a brother!

Unfortunately his new partner - she's horrible, snipey, rude, mean, so so impolite and just generally a nasty person who thinks doing drugs is okay. She unfortunately got pregnant (on her terms without my BIL being aware) quickly and now they have a child. We see their child only when he's with BIL, as she won't see the wider family. She's put a wedge between BIL and PIL by being so so rude to their faces that it's just unbelievable, we were all so close before. She's got her friends and family and she's openly said that's enough, she doesn't need more family. I hope for BILs sake he wakes up soon, he moans about her to all of us and it's so hard to hear, but he thinks he won't see his child if he leaves.

It's horrible, I hope it fixes itself soon!

We all get along well enough, without any major issues or problems. But if we weren’t family I don’t think we’d have naturally gravitated to each other but I enjoy their company when we get together.

I think one of my sil’s finds me quite hard work so I have to make a bit more effort with her. She’s a good sort though. I do envy people who are friends with their in laws as I feel I lost my db who used to me much closer.

I'm close to the SIL who was married to xh's dB. (So doubly an xsil now I suppose!)

We always got on really well superficially, but only bonded properly after we both dumped our hs (brothers).

My ex banned bil & sil from ever contacting me again when we split; bil was quite happy to go along with this, & sil couldn't face the WWIII that would have resulted in staying in touch, so she distanced herself too. That hurt, tbh.

A couple of years later she ditched bil for being a controlling twat, & in the aftermath got in touch with me to apologise for ghosting me. We - warily - met for lunch, & three bottles of wine later, we'd laughed till we cried & realised how much we genuinely liked each other.

We've been really good mates ever since - despite living in different countries now, we get together every chance we get for a day out/weekend away & stay in touch regularly online.

(The fact that the ghastly Brothers Narcissist, our respective xhs, pare baffled & fumingly irritated by this is also a bonus...).

My other sil, xh's dsis, I haven't spoken to since the split - she obeyed the 'ban' on me. She quietly sends the occasional discreet, friendly 'say hi to Corvus' message via my dc, to whom she's an amazing aunt, but she's too nervous of upsetting her dB to contact me openly, so I'm happy to keep my distance & not drop her in the shit with her family.

As for my own db's dw, she's pleasant enough, & would probably say the same of me, but we have absolutely nothing in common. 10 minutes of small talk about our respective teens & we're all out of conversation! But she & dB adore each other so it's all good.

I se her once a year and that's enough for me. She's self centred and constantly whipping up a cloud of gloom around herself like a bloody dementor.

And she's a shit Aunt to my children , when I've been a very good one to her children.

DH's siblings are great. They are wonderful people who welcomed me into the family and treat me as another sister, and their spouses are lovely too. I'm very lucky.

I get on well with my husbands sister, my brothers wife has become one of my best friends but my husbands brothers wife I don’t dislike we are just very different! So two out of three I like.

SIL has the most chaotic life of anyone I have ever met, we aren’t close. But we can be polite for the one time a year we are in the same room.

BIl is alright, but he’s 20 years younger than me so we don’t have a lot in common other than DH.

I do envy people that have nice in-laws as friends.

My Dsis seems to have partners with issues she hopes to fix. Only keep in touch via text with 1 of the exes who is now in rehab and more sociable.
On inlaws side PIL both have died and were very different but very fond of DH and DS. DstepFIL sends Xmas cards but havent seen him in years as he now lives abroad. DBIL also died, and DSIL has a "sense of humour" based on sneering or jokes at others expense (especially towards my DH) so we are LC despite living 15 mins away.

I only wrote about the horrid one. I also have some half brothers who I didn’t grow up with but know as adults. Their wives are really nice but live a long distance away.

I love my SIL and BIL. My siblings are both passed and my ILs fill the gap perfectly. Both are older than me (as is DH) but we get on as if there's no age gap.

I am lucky as I get on really well with my 2 SIL and their husbands.

I’m an only child so none on my side to contend with but DPs Brother is lovely. Funny, kind, gone to a few festivals with him and nights / days out. But I really get on with MIL and FIL too, they’re all just genuinely nice people. I’m bloody lucky to have found DP and I’ve said if we ever split up I’m keeping his mum

My bil (sisters husband) was friends with my sister since they were at school, he's like my little brother, we have a very close/odd relationship by most people's standards I think!

My bil (husbands brother) I get in with when we see him but he's very much a lone wolf that we only see a couple of times a year.

Neither. We get on fine, not well. I only see them a few times a year. We talk about the kids and work and the weather. I couldn't tell you their interests or hobbies and I wouldn't want to spend more than a few hours together as we would run out of things to talk about. But they're nice enough and I wouldn't say we don't get in.

I get on fine with my BIL and SIL now. That wasn’t always the case with my SIL, as we have different views on almost everything and she’s very opinionated! She went too far once by telling me that my DH and I shouldn’t have IVF because of the ‘spare embryos’. They had at that time just had their fourth child (they have five now).

Ironically, there weren’t any ‘spare embryos’ as there weren’t any eggs.

It got better between us when we adopted our DDs (now 12 and 9), and I really appreciate the way she’s had them for sleepovers with their older cousins.

My sister's husband is really nice and we have a similar sense of humour so it's easy. I don't have much in common with Dhs brothers and we don't see them much but it's always nice when we get together.

My brothers wife doesn’t deserve the title of sister in law.
I tried to tell people for years what she was like, she has sadly shown her true colours recently in the most disgusting way, waaay worse than what I could’ve ever imagined.

Absolutely loathe my DH’s siblings’ spouses. But thankfully they are in different countries so don’t need to suffer through their company much. I don’t particularly like DB’s wife as she has always been really rude but she loves the kids and is an amazing aunt so I try to force myself to get on with her

Get on well with the SIL who is married to my brother. We have holidayed together in the past and its been fine.

The other one is married to DHs brother and doesn't live near us, a few hours is OK. But she's she's control freak so I'm not sure I'd want it to to be longer.

I've always got on well with my dsis's husband, he's just like a good friend.
I tried for many years with dh's sisters but they're a trio with MIL & I just don't fit in which has been made obvious over the years. Last straw was being the only female family member not invited to sil's 40th birthday night out.
I gave up after that & it's quite nice not having the stress of trying with them now!

I have 4 SILs, they are all quite nice however none of them have English as their native language and whilst I can (and indeed have to) speak their language to 3 of them I only have a moderate level in this language, so it creates a barrier, whilst the 3 of them can (and do) yack away to each other fluently. I think if I could speak more fluently I would like them more.

2 BILs, one with the same language issues as above and the other is native English speaker, but is probably the least interesting/ least friendly of all 6 of them!