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Original poster

To be furious and upset with friends- what do we do

496 replies

0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 12:10

I’ll try and keep this brief.

We (me, DH and DC age 4 and 2.5) were meeting friends (couple with DC age 8 months) at a Christmas light walk through thing around 1 hour 15 from where we live last Sunday eve at 4:30pm.
They booked tickets I transferred money (£62)
We get there at 4:25, message saying we are here will wait in car so we can all go in together as you have tickets
Response 4:35 ‘so sorry running late! We left about 45 mins ago won’t be long’
Rang x 2 eventually answer, asked if they will send us the e tickets so we can get in. ‘No no we are 10 mins away’
DC getting bored, wound up, want to go in. Text them asking to send tickets.
They Arrive 5:15. None of us allowed in as we have missed our slot.
We are raging, kids are crying we all take the bloody long journey home having to get a Maccies to cheer kids up.
We message asking for the money back, they say it’s ‘just one of those things, ridiculous they wouldn’t let us in’

They’re good friends but I am raging. It’s entirely their fault, they are v PFB and he woke up late from his nap then wanted a super long feed which is why they were late. How do I ask again, and firmly? They are unreasonable right??

OP posts:
Original poster
0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 13:33

@RampantIvy I have it don’t worry Smile.
Re: feeding she was breastfeeding so couldn’t do it in the car. He doesn’t eat food really or take a bottle so is still bf almost entirely as his food/drink source. Nothing against bf (I did it myself for my two) but I think that’s a large part of why they are so limited by the baby, they are still in ‘feed on demand’ mode so if he’s hungry everything drops until he’s fed which can take up to an hour. This must be frustrating for them too so I do try and sympathise!

OP posts:
Jibberjabberhutt · 26/11/2021 13:33

I really, really hope one of them sees this thread and gets a wake up call. What utterly selfish fools.

saleorbouy · 26/11/2021 13:35

This is one of these scenarios that you commit to memory but just let lie for now unless you're willing to jeopardise the friendship. In the future, either book your own event tickets or get them sent over go you.

Original poster
0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 13:35

Oh god @Jibberjabberhutt I didn’t really think of that! Don’t think they use mumsnet…but hopefully it as I’ve written the text messages word for word Blush.

OP posts:
Lostmyheart101 · 26/11/2021 13:36

Why did they not send the tickets when you asked? Sounds like they knew the way wouldn’t get in and didn’t want to be the only ones to miss out

Schoolchoicesucks · 26/11/2021 13:36

Glad they've refunded you. They should have offered to rather than you having to ask twice.

Glad you've been able to rebook too and hope your kids enjoy it.

It would have been "one of those things" if you'd both been late and missed the slot. Or even if they'd been paper tickets which they'd held. But not just them being 45 minutes late and refusing to send details for your tickets.

Had they been 15 minutes late, I could see their point wanting you to wait to go in together. But I expect the staff would have let you go in had they arrived at 4.45.

If you make arrangements again, make sure you have your tickets.

IHateCoronavirus · 26/11/2021 13:39

Madness, they could have easily said “we’re running late, here’s the tickets!”
It’s not all about them.

BF babies need feeding, but funnily enough deadlines still need meeting.

user1506328491 · 26/11/2021 13:40

@StormyCornishSeas

I would be soooo pissed off . I'm getting riled just reading that.
100%!!!!!
AngelinaFibres · 26/11/2021 13:40

@0verth1inker

I’ll try and keep this brief.

We (me, DH and DC age 4 and 2.5) were meeting friends (couple with DC age 8 months) at a Christmas light walk through thing around 1 hour 15 from where we live last Sunday eve at 4:30pm.
They booked tickets I transferred money (£62)
We get there at 4:25, message saying we are here will wait in car so we can all go in together as you have tickets
Response 4:35 ‘so sorry running late! We left about 45 mins ago won’t be long’
Rang x 2 eventually answer, asked if they will send us the e tickets so we can get in. ‘No no we are 10 mins away’
DC getting bored, wound up, want to go in. Text them asking to send tickets.
They Arrive 5:15. None of us allowed in as we have missed our slot.
We are raging, kids are crying we all take the bloody long journey home having to get a Maccies to cheer kids up.
We message asking for the money back, they say it’s ‘just one of those things, ridiculous they wouldn’t let us in’

They’re good friends but I am raging. It’s entirely their fault, they are v PFB and he woke up late from his nap then wanted a super long feed which is why they were late. How do I ask again, and firmly? They are unreasonable right??

This is sadly one of those life lesson situations that comes now and again.I would be absolutely steaming at their behaviour and I would probably become like a dog with a bone in my pursuit of the money. It would inevitably end the friendship but to be honest I would find it very hard to respect them and probably wouldn't want to repeat the experience regardless of whether the money was returned or not. I much prefer to suggest an event to friends and family but say 'We are going on x at y time. There are tickets available if you want to book some for yourselves and we will meet you there.' I would never give someone else any control over fun things or important things. Have been bitten a few times.
drunkensailorette · 26/11/2021 13:40

It wasn't "one of those things". It was them being late and refusing to send you the tickets that caused the problem - I would message telling them you were there on time and could have gone in if they'd sent them, so they need to reimburse you.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/11/2021 13:41

Glad you got your money back

Luckily I rtft before I replied ranting

They were wrong. They should have sent e tickets to you

They don’t sound like friends

And at 8mths he should be on solid foods as well as bf

Jibberjabberhutt · 26/11/2021 13:42

@0verth1inker

Oh god *@Jibberjabberhutt* I didn’t really think of that! Don’t think they use mumsnet…but hopefully it as I’ve written the text messages word for word Blush.
Oh I didn’t mean to worry you. They probably won’t, it sounds like they have their heads up their own arses.
Jibberjabberhutt · 26/11/2021 13:42

Your message to them was great by the way.

user1506328491 · 26/11/2021 13:44

@0verth1inker

I don’t want to lose their friendship however since having their DC they’ve been incredibly flakey and every plan has to revolve around them and the baby so I honestly wouldn’t mind stepping back for a bit until they get a grip.
I think focus less on tiptoeing and more on... 'your selfishness made us cross and ours kids missed out and were really upset.' I would expect a heartfelt apology and the money back if they wanted to maintain my friendship!!
Kisskiss · 26/11/2021 13:44

Yanbu, they are a bit shameless…. They could have sent you the e tickets!!!! But they didn’t, can’t see any goid reason why

If I were them I would be so embarassed about letting my friends down and offered to refund the money myself.

PheonixGlitterRepublic · 26/11/2021 13:45

Let them be annoyed, you were annoyed first and it’s totally their fault! They think having a baby is oh so difficult now but when PFB is two you will have the same thing that a toddler is oh so demanding, never mind the fact they have totally screwed you over with your two year old.

AhNowTed · 26/11/2021 13:46

I can't believe they didn't immediately say, "oh god we're really sorry, we'll give you back the money".

That's what any decent person would do.

Bumpsadaisie · 26/11/2021 13:48
Grin

I remember some of my TERRIBLE pfb moments. But even in the deepest grip of it I don't think I would actually have been this rude to friends!

I confess -

(1) when my parents had DD to stay, I did insist that mum set up her iTunes on her laptop next to the travel cot - so that DD could hear Mozart string quartets as she went to sleep - just like at home. DD was three months old. To my mother's eternal credit she humoured me. DD hates classic music with a passion now. Grin and no wonder, she was forced to listen to it every night when she probably just wanted a bit of peace and quiet.

(2) I didn't want to take off DD's baby vest for her weigh in with the HV at her first check at home, because I didn't want her to get cold or feel in any way exposed.

So the work round was that we weighed the vest separately and then we subtracted the weigh of the vest from the weight of (vest-clad) DD.

I am sure I had calmed down a bit by the time we got to 8 months though!

PipeOfPringles · 26/11/2021 13:50

It is really hard to work around a EBF young baby but that's why you aim for 2 hours earlier than you need and you definitely don't limit other people to your timetable.

diddl · 26/11/2021 13:53

Glad you got your money back Op.

Mostly only bmilk for an 8 month old-bloody hell!

That must be so time consuming!

HyacynthBucket · 26/11/2021 13:54

Starray and Bumpsadaisie
Me too. Its hard to believe that people can be so self absorbed and inconsiderate to even think that "Its just one of those things" when it is their fault.
DP and I booked a stay in my cousin's
holiday home abroad that he let to family and friends. We arrived after a four flight and taxi journey to the address, but could not get in. Eventually a man came to the door - he had been staying for a week with his wife, and they should have gone home earlier in the day.
But they missed their flight and came back to the house, although it was booked for us by then. He refused to leave and wouldn't let us in, and said "Its just one of those things". It was just so unbelievable that he thought he could stay on in the house because they had got to the airport too late. We lost a day of our holiday and a night's sleep because of it.

You are very far from BU, OP. I hope this all works out for you and your DC and you enjoy the lights soon.

SalonSharon · 26/11/2021 13:56

If I ever book something with e-tickets I always forward the email to rest of the group as soon as I get it.

not because I usually mistakenly delete the email before event

Subbaxeo · 26/11/2021 13:56

I disagree with those who say do nothing in case you jeopardise the friendship. I can’t imagine any friends of ours just dismissing your understandable disappointment with one of those things. They’d be apologetic and say refunding the tickets is the least they can do. Who wants to be friends with people who don’t mind stitching you up then dismissing it! Understandable if something major had happened to them to prevent their getting there or email you the tickets but this is ridiculous. I would pursue it and if they still didn’t want to, would just quietly drop them.

TheSecondMrsAshwell · 26/11/2021 13:56

I have this trouble with my DB, he is INCREDIBLY flaky. He will always there in about 10 mins, honest. Yes, I know I said 10 mins half an hour ago, but I really am only 10 mins away now.

He was going to help me pick something up the other week..... Coming today..... Not today, definitely tomorrow..... Is Wednesday okay? Boils my piss. And I speak as someone who is always late. Or very early. Never on time.

Glad you got your money back though. Not sure I would stay in contact, mind. Sounds like being called on their flakiness has soured them.

Subbaxeo · 26/11/2021 13:57

Oh sorry, I must read the thread😊