To be furious and upset with friends- what do we do

[0verth1inker]

I’ll try and keep this brief.

We (me, DH and DC age 4 and 2.5) were meeting friends (couple with DC age 8 months) at a Christmas light walk through thing around 1 hour 15 from where we live last Sunday eve at 4:30pm.
They booked tickets I transferred money (£62)
We get there at 4:25, message saying we are here will wait in car so we can all go in together as you have tickets
Response 4:35 ‘so sorry running late! We left about 45 mins ago won’t be long’
Rang x 2 eventually answer, asked if they will send us the e tickets so we can get in. ‘No no we are 10 mins away’
DC getting bored, wound up, want to go in. Text them asking to send tickets.
They Arrive 5:15. None of us allowed in as we have missed our slot.
We are raging, kids are crying we all take the bloody long journey home having to get a Maccies to cheer kids up.
We message asking for the money back, they say it’s ‘just one of those things, ridiculous they wouldn’t let us in’

They’re good friends but I am raging. It’s entirely their fault, they are v PFB and he woke up late from his nap then wanted a super long feed which is why they were late. How do I ask again, and firmly? They are unreasonable right??

Ask friends for money back and then make a note to self, don’t organize anything with them again. Move on.

Op did you actually get to see the tickets when they showed up late? Have you seen the tickets at all?..why didn't they give you your tickets in advance?...

could they be scamming you by you sending money thinking they are buying the tickets, then they keep stalling saying they are almost there when they clearly weren't, and then they get to keep the money when you don't go in...op If you haven't seen a ticket then ask for proof the tickets were bought,

But yes do ask for a refund, the only reason you didn't go in was because of them

Sorry, but the idea that these friends were scamming OP for £62 is a bit extra, to use OP’s parlance 🤣

They transferred the money very quickly to OP. They clearly did have the tickets, they just didn’t want OP to use them, in a PFB haze.

@ClaudiaJ1

Your assumption is right on though. Otherwise they would have sent the OP tickets when she asked for them. The truth is they simply didn't want OP going in without them.

I think you’re right. Hopefully they’ll get that!

We have friends like this. Tbf they were flakey before they had children now they are worse.
We still enjoy their company but I tend to manage the friendship in the following ways.
Never book anything that is contingent on them turning up at a specific time
Would never give them responsibility for any sort of timed ticket
Would usually get together at their house then our arrival time is agreed with them and departure time is up to us.
We recently had them over as part of a big group lunch. I said come at 12.30, lunch at 1. Held on til 1.15 for them then we all sat down to eat. They arrived at 1.30 and seemed miffed that everyone had started eating.
Any sort of timed thing is basically too stressful to do with them so we just don't. We still see them tho.

They dote on PFB and life revolves around him and only him and he wouldn't have cared. So they don't.
I don't know why you are so surprised - avoid all couples with PFBs is the answer.

I can see why the OP is annoyed. Flaky people are annoying.

However, "they are thieves!" is just a whole pile of drama-llama.

Agree with Peboh on this one that’s a lot of money..

They could’ve sent the tickets they both weren’t breastfeeding and they managed to answer your calls right? Yes being late can’t be helped but no excuse not to send you them tickets. If they were decent friends they would see that they’re in the wrong and to not want to lose a valuable friendship to then either rebook for a different time or give you your money back so you can do something else with the kids.

Friendships are funny. Don’t want to lose friends etc but how authentic is the friendship you get in return? And if you stay friends never send them money for stuff like this organise it’s yourself or buy your own tickets and be in charge and then it’s down to you if you turn up late and can’t get in so lose out on the money you’ve spent.

Just say to your friend look I think your being very unreasonable here, I understand that you were late due to having to do a long feed etc, however your husband, boyfriend, partner of whatever could’ve sent us our tickets to get in but you said you wouldn’t send them so I think the only fair thing to do is to give us our money back or either I can no longer trust you again with these sorts of things or we can no longer be friends and I don’t want to lose a good friendship would be a shame not only to us but to our kids who love seeing your kids. Hope we can sort this out nicely without any agro.

Good you got the money back, if they've started to be shitty with you because of it, consider yourself lucky that you've found out now that your friendship was only worth £62 to them, and you didn't find out when more of your money was on line, or something more important in your life was happening.

@ShabsLovesTiff, the friends sent the money back two days ago.

Oh ok cool lol

Oh I am so glad to see you got your money back. I would have been so upset. They clearly have no IDEA what it's like to have small and excited children. Even doing that to an adult is extremely thoughtless but to small children it's quite awful, I feel quite angry on your behalf!!

I am also shocked that it is so expensive to go to look at some lights!!

It's very simple - you paid them for the tickets you never received. Of course they should refund. It's a no-brainer.

Reading the fucking thread is a no brainier too

@0verth1inker

Oh god *@Jibberjabberhutt* I didn’t really think of that! Don’t think they use mumsnet…but hopefully it as I’ve written the text messages word for word .

Don't worry if they do see it you haven't been mean, and if they read all the comments it might give them an insight into how they've been.

I'm glad you got the money, but the fact they haven't apologised alongside it shows they haven't accepted they were in the wrong.

It isn't about being out of pocket, it's about your DC being disappointed and you inconvenienced. If the relationship suffers after this, it isn't your fault and they aren't the kind considerate friends you thought they were.

All these people saying "it's not worth losing a friendship over £62" should apply that thinking to "it's not worth upsetting a friendship over flakiness and a lack of appropriate apology afterwards".

Hold your head high in the event of fall out, you were addressing your children's disappointment and should know that. They will in time...

Why couldn't she breastfeed in the car? I've managed it. I really wouldn't make plans with them until the child is much older. They should have appreciated your kids would be upset and offered to rebook your family. I'm glad you got the refund and hopefully will manage to rebook.

@Sceptre86

Why couldn't she breastfeed in the car? I've managed it. I really wouldn't make plans with them until the child is much older. They should have appreciated your kids would be upset and offered to rebook your family. I'm glad you got the refund and hopefully will manage to rebook.

What???? Breastfeed in the car whilst travelling with a baby in no car seat. It's not the fucking 70's.

@Hobnobswantshernameback

What???? Breastfeed in the car whilst travelling with a baby in no car seat. It's not the fucking 70's.

I don’t think the poster meant while travelling along. Probably once they got there, or just before they left so they could make a hasty exit. Also, the baby is eight months. They aren’t normally feeding on demand like a tiny newborn at this stage.

[quote 0verth1inker]@RampantIvy I have it don’t worry .
Re: feeding she was breastfeeding so couldn’t do it in the car. He doesn’t eat food really or take a bottle so is still bf almost entirely as his food/drink source. Nothing against bf (I did it myself for my two) but I think that’s a large part of why they are so limited by the baby, they are still in ‘feed on demand’ mode so if he’s hungry everything drops until he’s fed which can take up to an hour. This must be frustrating for them too so I do try and sympathise![/quote]
If you’re running late you can breastfeed in the car - unless DP doesn’t drive?
They should have sent the tickets
They should have refunded without being asked.
They shouldn’t be curt that you did ask
You are being way to gracious.

I am angry just reading this. I cannot abide people like this who think the world revolves around them. What do they think timed tickets means? Hopefully they will miss out on more fun until they get their act together. Keeping your distance for a few months will show annoyance. Wait for them to come to you.

If you’re running late you can breastfeed in the car

No you can't.

If you’re running late you can breastfeed in the car - unless DP doesn’t drive?
I thought babies ( and everyone else) had to be secured while the vehicle was in transit.
How can can you feed a baby if it is its car seat?

@Redrosesandsunsets

Ask friends for money back and then make a note to self, don’t organize anything with them again. Move on.

All Hail @Redrosesandsunsets with such wise advice!! Days after it has been sorted !!! Oh the relief of your post with telling OP this, after 18 pages of hand ringing from everyone and not knowing what to do

@Iamthemaid

I think you may end not being friends if you pursue this, although you are totally in the right!!

This! It's probably best to let it go. Is that even possible though? Not sure. I'd be absolutely fuming. Have they at least offered to give you the money back? If not then I'd probably fume at them as that would be going too far.

If they offered the money back (not even saying take it) but if they offered it with an apology and admission if idiocy I'd forgive.