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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious and upset with friends- what do we do

496 replies

0verth1inker · 26/11/2021 12:10

I’ll try and keep this brief.

We (me, DH and DC age 4 and 2.5) were meeting friends (couple with DC age 8 months) at a Christmas light walk through thing around 1 hour 15 from where we live last Sunday eve at 4:30pm.
They booked tickets I transferred money (£62)
We get there at 4:25, message saying we are here will wait in car so we can all go in together as you have tickets
Response 4:35 ‘so sorry running late! We left about 45 mins ago won’t be long’
Rang x 2 eventually answer, asked if they will send us the e tickets so we can get in. ‘No no we are 10 mins away’
DC getting bored, wound up, want to go in. Text them asking to send tickets.
They Arrive 5:15. None of us allowed in as we have missed our slot.
We are raging, kids are crying we all take the bloody long journey home having to get a Maccies to cheer kids up.
We message asking for the money back, they say it’s ‘just one of those things, ridiculous they wouldn’t let us in’

They’re good friends but I am raging. It’s entirely their fault, they are v PFB and he woke up late from his nap then wanted a super long feed which is why they were late. How do I ask again, and firmly? They are unreasonable right??

OP posts:
Insanelysilver · 27/11/2021 19:51

It’s ridiculous that they refused to send you the tickets. So controlling !
They are totally responsible for re funding your money.

Spinninsweetness · 27/11/2021 20:01

I'd love to know the 2% who think you're being unreasonable!! You're totally not, I'd be livid!

BoredZelda · 27/11/2021 20:17

I'd love to know the 2% who think you're being unreasonable!!

I didn’t vote, but perhaps they thought the way OP was having a go at them using “PFB” and was sneezy about their choices about how they are raising their baby. They were right to pay back the money and should have given the tickets to the OP but the sneering at them letting their baby sleep and feed was unnecessary.

Snog · 27/11/2021 20:21

I wouldn't want to be friends with people who treated me like this.

Plumbuddle · 27/11/2021 20:22

@BoredZelda

I'd love to know the 2% who think you're being unreasonable!!

I didn’t vote, but perhaps they thought the way OP was having a go at them using “PFB” and was sneezy about their choices about how they are raising their baby. They were right to pay back the money and should have given the tickets to the OP but the sneering at them letting their baby sleep and feed was unnecessary.

I didn't think op was against people being precious about their first baby. We all were. But this kind of parent projects their selfishness Onto all their kids no matter what age which was why I was suggesting don't get your children together with theirs as friends. Fruit doesn't fall far from tree. It's a real type and nothing to do with food or sleep routines. Just totally bloody selfish.
Winifredgoose · 27/11/2021 20:22

I couldn't be friends with people who had done this. It is sooooo selfish not to forward you the tickets, but to do anything other than grovel and pay you the money is Shock

BoredZelda · 27/11/2021 20:30

I didn't think op was against people being precious about their first baby. We all were. But this kind of parent projects their selfishness Onto all their kids no matter what age which was why I was suggesting don't get your children together with theirs as friends. Fruit doesn't fall far from tree. It's a real type and nothing to do with food or sleep routines. Just totally bloody selfish.

In which case YABU also.

People can choose to parent as they wish without being called flakey and selfish because of it.

Fluffmum · 27/11/2021 20:31

Don’t dwell on it

JetRocket · 27/11/2021 20:33

Oh god I have absolutely no patience for PFB syndrome. First 3 months post birth Is a grave period, you’re adjusting and I get that. After that though I just can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

I’m carting around a 20 month old and a 6 month old…if I can keep my shit together so can you!

It also boggles my mind how those with PFB syndrome seem to so easily discount older children and expect them to just fit around everything else. It’s exactly your situation OP, you got a 2 and 4 year old out of the house and there on time but your friends no doubt think this was nothing compared to their handling one 8 month old… Hmm

JetRocket · 27/11/2021 20:34

*grace

Blowingahoolly · 27/11/2021 20:40

Fuck em off. Doesn’t matter if the child is 8 months old, people are late due to 2 reasons...

  1. Bad time keepers/planning
  1. Your not that important
Blowingahoolly · 27/11/2021 20:42

Also.....8 month yo is a piece of piss, wait till they get into the teens or 20s

Nishkin · 27/11/2021 21:08

I am so glad you got booked in again!

LouBan · 27/11/2021 21:39

I am totally on your side. People who think it is fine to run late as long as they send a text really annoy me. As a result, your family missed out and you are out of £62. All this could have been avoided if they had sent you the tickets. Are they the kind if friends you can sit down with and explain why you are upset?
I had a similar situation recently. It didn't cost me any extra money but we arranged to meet friends at a popular family-friendly pub. They said we could have a table at 12pm but had to be gone before 1:30 because they had another booking. We explained this to our friends saying it was important to be on time. They were 40 mins late (and they lived in the same street) and said DS was napping. He's not a newborn baby so wake him up. It was annoying and meant we had to really rush our meal.

landing223 · 27/11/2021 22:33

This should not have even been an issue. Any person with any integrity would have text you to apologise for running late and given you the ticket details so you could go ahead and hopefully meet up with them later.

I think i know what event you were attending and it clearly states you have to be there at least 15 minutes before your allocated time slot as it is very prompt per time slot. Your friends would have realised there was a high chance of not being able to go in if they were late and so they should have sent your ticket to you.

It is awful that not only did they mess up your trip, all the travelling and the children being upset but to then refuse to give you your money back!!!!!! Are you sure they are friends????

What I would do now is firstly write to the establishment and explain what happened. Give them yours and your friends ticket numbers/booking details and address it to Customer Service Manager and basically plead your case and ask them to 'please consider letting us come on another date to put the smile back on our childrens faces after their incredibly disappointing day". You could blame traffic etc especially as you travelled a long way, for being late, rater than the truth - that your friends were um err idiots?

Loulablake · 27/11/2021 22:39

Those people do not value you as a friend. If it was my fault a group missed that I’d either rebook and apologise or send you the money straight back. These are not nice people, I don’t care if they have just had a baby. I think she’s just put a price on what she thinks of you, sorry hope your ok xx

Joelijane · 27/11/2021 22:44

Have they ever showed signs of being completely unaware before? Fuming for you. My kids are the exact age of yours and I know how they'd have been. Proper shit! Will read the rest of the posts here to see if they apologised to you xxx

Plumbuddle · 27/11/2021 22:46

@BoredZelda

I didn't think op was against people being precious about their first baby. We all were. But this kind of parent projects their selfishness Onto all their kids no matter what age which was why I was suggesting don't get your children together with theirs as friends. Fruit doesn't fall far from tree. It's a real type and nothing to do with food or sleep routines. Just totally bloody selfish.

In which case YABU also.

People can choose to parent as they wish without being called flakey and selfish because of it.

This is the point - the friends' behaviour was nothing to do with their baby. They were just self absorbed. Waste of time bothering with them imo.
eastegg · 27/11/2021 22:57

OP got her money back!

Also, to those saying the friend could have fed the child on the way; you can’t feed a baby in a moving car. The friends were appalling dicks not to send the tickets, but this is a stupid thing to suggest. And irrelevant, as they could have just sent the e-tickets.

eastegg · 27/11/2021 22:58

@JetRocket

Oh god I have absolutely no patience for PFB syndrome. First 3 months post birth Is a grave period, you’re adjusting and I get that. After that though I just can’t roll my eyes hard enough.

I’m carting around a 20 month old and a 6 month old…if I can keep my shit together so can you!

It also boggles my mind how those with PFB syndrome seem to so easily discount older children and expect them to just fit around everything else. It’s exactly your situation OP, you got a 2 and 4 year old out of the house and there on time but your friends no doubt think this was nothing compared to their handling one 8 month old… Hmm

This, totally.
Mitzimccormack · 27/11/2021 23:02

[quote 0verth1inker]@RampantIvy I have it don’t worry Smile.
Re: feeding she was breastfeeding so couldn’t do it in the car. He doesn’t eat food really or take a bottle so is still bf almost entirely as his food/drink source. Nothing against bf (I did it myself for my two) but I think that’s a large part of why they are so limited by the baby, they are still in ‘feed on demand’ mode so if he’s hungry everything drops until he’s fed which can take up to an hour. This must be frustrating for them too so I do try and sympathise![/quote]
I breastfed my 3 children and found it the opposite. I fed them anywhere and everywhere. I became an absolute boss at sneaking them up my jumper, or strategically draping a wrap around us. Of course she could have fed dc in the car. We did find within our baby group that there were one or two mums that made a huge deal of breastfeeding. Had to be virtually naked and baby was perched in such a way that it was all very dramatic. Makes it very hard work. For what it’s worth I am glad you called them out, and that they sent you the money. I hope you have a lovely time with your little ones.

Isbdm · 27/11/2021 23:27

I call this "King Baby"

King baby trumps everything and everybody

Intolerable

Lalliella · 27/11/2021 23:52

You should ask for this thread to be deleted OP, it’s pretty identifiable. Plus they have come good with your money, so it would be a shame to jeopardise your friendship over this.

Pandagirl71 · 27/11/2021 23:56

I had a friend who was always at least 45 minutes late every time we arranged to do stuff. It was so irritating I stopped arranging to meet as it was making me angry and eventually I stopped seeing her. Glad the money was returned.

puddlesofmothers · 27/11/2021 23:59

@MichelleScarn

They can rebook and pay for all, if they had any decency you wouldn't need to ask.
This.
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