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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't afford Xmas

127 replies

hoomama · 23/11/2021 12:05

Not an AIBU but didn't know where to put it.

I have purchased most of my Daughters and partners presents for Xmas and I have worked out that I am going to need to spend almost all of my (leftover) wages next month buying presents for everyone else.

It just seems ridiculous.

I was trying to cut the prices down and only spend £10-15 on other people but it still adds up. I also feel guilty if people only have 1 present to open and then I look like a stinge and then also when they spend about £30 on you and you feel like you have to do the same.

Is anyone else in the same position? Do you just cough up and pay and get on with it? Going to be living on beans and toast towards the end of December at this rate!!

OP posts:
Iggly · 23/11/2021 12:06

Tell people you’re short of money. Maybe only buy for kids in the family?

Sirzy · 23/11/2021 12:07

Just be honest with people, don’t buy for people if it’s going to be more than you can afford. Or buy less.

If anyone would want you to go into debt to buy them a present they aren’t worth buying for anyway!

grapewine · 23/11/2021 12:09

You can't spend money you don't have. If friends and family don't understand that, then they're not great, are they?

Christmas has become so commercialised, it's insane.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 23/11/2021 12:09

We only buy for children. Christmas isn't about buying and receiving gifts for adults or spending money you don't have and taking on money worries.

yourestandingonmyneck · 23/11/2021 12:12

I'm hoping this incessant gift giving is going to end soon.

I love Christmas. But I have no interest in presents other than for kids. Consumables are fine, wine, chocolates, whatever. But nobody needs a raft of items from people costing £10-15 each. Most of it is just overpriced tat in ridiculous plastic packaging.

Who are the people who have to buy for? Just say to them, in the interests of the environment you are cutting down on gift giving and just doing small token gifts of wine etc and you don't expect people to buy for you either.

Original poster
hoomama · 23/11/2021 12:15

Yes, I was thinking of just being honest with people.

A lot of the presents are for kids which is a bit of a nightmare but I will just have to buy them! Perhaps I should limit it to £10 per person.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 23/11/2021 12:18

In our extended family we do 10-15 per person. It makes you get creative. And also no one is spending loads on someone and then getting a small present back. It's a fun challenge too. Don't go without in your family because you've overspent.

Embracelife · 23/11/2021 12:20

Spend couple quid in poundland for kids
Or charity shops
Or buy multi book packs for kids divide out
You do not have to spend more

Porcupineintherough · 23/11/2021 12:20

Who are these other people for whom you are happy to spend a whole month's wages? That's madness!

Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2021 12:20

No one ever should get into debt for an optional purchase.

And Christmas presents by the very definition are an optional purchase.

Just send a group message and say that you are not doing presents this year.

Werehamster · 23/11/2021 12:21

I only buy for my kids really. My parents and partner get a token present like tin of chocolates and winter socks. That's it. I do have nieces and nephews but we agreed a no present pact as they get loads from their grandparents and we don't see them much.

I think you're putting this on yourself. 🤷‍♀️

Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2021 12:21

And if you utterly think that you need to buy for children then go to the works and buy a multi pack of boys and give one book each. One book is more than sufficient

thewhatsit · 23/11/2021 12:22

Other than your own DC, I can’t imagine that you would ever need to buy multiple presents for other people.

I don’t think my DC have ever received several presents from other people at all with perhaps the exception of grandparents (although even then it might be 2 small-ish presents or 1 medium one).

DappyApple · 23/11/2021 12:23

If it’s a choice between food for you and your family or presents for others then it’s a no brainer.. You simply cannot spend money you don’t have.
Be honest with people and tell them that you cannot stretch to Christmas presents this year. If they’re decent people , They will understand. But do let them know beforehand as it might be a bit awkward if you say nothing when it comes to present exchange
That way there’s no room for misunderstanding.

My own son is struggling this year as a job change has meant he’s short of funds. I’ve told him in no uncertain terms to not even think about buying presents for us or his siblings. As he needs to get back on his feet.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 23/11/2021 12:23

Look out for deals especially coming up to Black Friday you may be able to get something decent for kids cheap. Especially if you’re not fixed in what you’re going to buy them

Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2021 12:23

And agree I don't know anyone who buys multiple presents for anyone other than their own children

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/11/2021 12:25

@MerryMarigold

In our extended family we do 10-15 per person. It makes you get creative. And also no one is spending loads on someone and then getting a small present back. It's a fun challenge too. Don't go without in your family because you've overspent.
How many are you buying for?! And how is £10-£15 considered not a lot to spend on people?

OP, we do secret Santa for extended family. We do two actually as we do one for my side and one for DHs side. My family spend £5-10 and DH's spend £5. There's just no need to buy for so many people!

StormyTeacups · 23/11/2021 12:25

If you cannot cut down the people, next year you need to calculate tour budget including your partner and child, so you know what is available for each before you shop

thewhatsit · 23/11/2021 12:25

@Dishwashersaurous

And if you utterly think that you need to buy for children then go to the works and buy a multi pack of boys and give one book each. One book is more than sufficient
And this.

What other children do you need to buy for? Nieces and nephews, that kind of thing? A book each would suffice .. and for many parents, it would be highly preferable actually to a piece of plastic rubbish.

Nearlytheretrees · 23/11/2021 12:25

We have gradually cut down who we buy for over the years as it was getting ridiculous. I'd tell people I'm only doing small gifts and ask them to do the same for your family

Bingbong21 · 23/11/2021 12:26

The people I value enough to buy for would be upset to know I'd gone into debt or struggled to buy their gifts. I imagine most people would. Don't feel guilty and don't make yourself struggle

Dishwashersaurous · 23/11/2021 12:26

You should be able to buy 10 decent books for £10-15. And they will be appreciated

VioletCharlotte · 23/11/2021 12:27

I've been in this position in the past OP, so I really sympathise. I would be honest with people and just say you're not exchanging gifts this year. Friends and family will understand (and may well be relieved!) I'm sure most people would much prefer to spend time with you and not be worried about gifts.

EmeraldShamrock · 23/11/2021 12:27

Don't do this.
Speak up be honest, it is a ridiculous expense.
I always start early and still overspend on others.
I'm seriously cutting back this year.
A smaller box of sweets for any DC on your list, no adults.
It isn't worth it, you'll be playing catch up till March.

DappyApple · 23/11/2021 12:28

Have just read that there are a few children you need to buy for, if you really want to get something, what about a selection box each and maybe a small book that will come in to £5 or under.

After all it’s the thought that counts, not how much you spend or how many presents you get. One present is enough.