Can't afford Xmas

[hoomama]

Not an AIBU but didn't know where to put it.

I have purchased most of my Daughters and partners presents for Xmas and I have worked out that I am going to need to spend almost all of my (leftover) wages next month buying presents for everyone else.

It just seems ridiculous.

I was trying to cut the prices down and only spend £10-15 on other people but it still adds up. I also feel guilty if people only have 1 present to open and then I look like a stinge and then also when they spend about £30 on you and you feel like you have to do the same.

Is anyone else in the same position? Do you just cough up and pay and get on with it? Going to be living on beans and toast towards the end of December at this rate!!

We stopped buying for other family members years ago. Same with my siblings and dh's siblings/mum. Only buy for godchildren.

I buy for my own children that’s all. I could not handle the stress and expense of it otherwise.
My family don’t do gifts. Dh family do a secret Santa, so we have to buy one gift for one person and that’s it.

If you suggest no gifts this year, or a secret Santa, it will only be hard this year and then everyone will get the message then. Put a stop to it, people might be grateful for it to end.

I fucking HATE the stupid buying for buyings sake nonsense of Christmas. My Mum, who is not exactly rolling in cash, is terrible for buying naff little bits of tat for old friends she seldom sees but with inevitably see over the festive period.

I had this conversation with my SIL a few weeks ago. They are in a financially tight spot at the moment, but we are not. I thought of an 'experience' gift where we would pay for us and them to go and do something all together (we don't get to see each other often). I didn't put any pressure on her to accept but said that we would love the homemade gifts they were planning for us, and we would love to treat them to this day out. The homemade gifts they're planning sounds really meaningful and I know my kids will love receiving them from their cousins. That's the meaning of Christmas, that and spending time with the people we love!

Can you not ask if you kid skip presents both ways this year. Sure they would understand if you explain why. Just swap sweets maybe.

Also meant to say you should not be putting yourself into debt to buy presents for other families.

Message any person /family that you buy gifts for today and say sorry, circumstances won't a,low you to buy gifts as usual this year and you won't be able to exchange gifts, hope you understand. Or say you will only be able give gifts to children and it will be a budget of £10 per child, which will be spent on a book and if they've any suggestions of what book, let you know.

Send such a message ASAP and it will be a huge weight off your shoulders and chances are, it will be the same for them.

No don’t do this just buy for your family

It’s fine

Why are you doing multiple presents in the first place, whether you can afford it or not? Is one really not enough for the extended family and friends?!

Agree with the other posters.

Cut back as far as you can (on both number of people to buy for and amount per person).
Be honest.
Don't feel guilty.

Great, thank you everyone!

I'm going to take everyone's advice and tell the adults I can't afford it and for them not to buy for me either. I suppose I just feel a lot of pressure to give presents back and worry that it's not enough (I realise that this is ridiculous).

It's also bad timing as it is my friends birthday & my partners birthday just before Xmas. So double presents although my partner wouldn't care if he didn't have much. My friend has asked me to go out for a meal for her birthday and I would normally pay for it as well as presents but I will have to be honest with her and say I can't afford to pay for the meal. I have got her a present already. I also have 2 Nephews to buy for and 4 friends kids. Would also normally buy for my parents.

Thanks all.

Agree you need to do this ASAP though because chances are a lot of people might have already bought for you. Then have a proper discussion about what will happen next year - ideally in January so everyone is on the same page!

Just be honest about your situation and tell people you really can't afford presents this year.

If someone cares about you, they would not want you to get into debt or hardship to buy them a present.

If someone gets stroppy, they obviously don't care about you. So fuck 'em, they don't deserve a present.

please tell people. I'd be really upset if I thought someone had gone without something to get me a present, regardless of whether I'd bought something for them.

Second hand books
Refugees from your own home
Or go to a charity shop.
I did my whole extended family of 36! For £30

@batmanladybird

Second hand books Refugees from your own home Or go to a charity shop. I did my whole extended family of 36! For £30

Regifted

If you can stretch to a small gift for kids then do so if it makes you feel better ( I’m talking £5) However if you can’t. Just tell people it’s not happening this year m. Lots of people are in tough times financially right now and it would be understood by most people.

I’d be mortified to receive gifts friends or family couldn’t afford. We do a lot of gift giving but it’s smaller budgets that we can all afford. If your friend is a good friend they will understand you can’t pay for a meal this time.

Don’t get into debt and don’t leave yourself and family short. Christmas isn’t just about gifts. Plan some free fun with family and friends.

I was wondering alright, that might be hard to wrap.

For my partners side we do a secret santa for the adults, £15 budget, name sin a hat and at the family Christmas get together someone dons the turkey onsie and hands out the gifts one at a time and then it's 3 guesses who bought for you.

Lots of fun and means we don't spend what we can't afford. Also kills loads of time at the party!

I usually make iced gingerbread reindeer, and chocolate truffles.
Relatively cheap, home-made and people like them, for all the non-immediate family.

The Works for a book costing £1-2 and a selection box each. £3 per head tops for the kids, all of them sorted with change of £20.
I love gifts like that, small, consumable, useful.
"Proper presents" are the domain of parents IMO as they know the child and what they are willing to give house room best. Plus, nobody who deserves a gift from you wants you to struggle financially on their account

I find the gift buying for adults ridiculous as well.
One year my family did a £5 limit pre DC, another it was homemade gifts - but with no pressure if you didn't get anything.

Secret santa is also a good idea with a price limit, so you only need to get one gift.
Most of the stuff people don't want anyway. My DH always tells me not to bother getting him anything, he doesn't buy anything for the adults in his family either.

Absolutely do not spend money you don't have on this.

I've also told my mum to only buy second hand gifts for my DC. They don't need anymore new plastic tat.

I’ve been honest with people this year and just said I’m only buying for kids, and 1 present each for close family.

Just was honest and said I can’t be dealing with it this year, neither financially or the stress of buying all the presents and wrapping them.
To my delight, a lot do people were relieved and said oh good I will do the same - you may be pleasantly surprised at people’s reactions!

Why not just buy for small kids if you can't afford it? You don't need to spend much at all. In our family we only buy for very close relations (mum, dad, siblings) and children of anyone more distantly related. If any relatives don't have children (quite a few couldn't or didn't want them) they get a joint token present as they buy our children things. I don't see the point in wasting so much money on unwanted gifts. If you can't afford it just tell your family, cut back, why ruin Christmas stressing and spending money you don't have?

The adults in my family do a Secret Santa thing. Much much easier. I suggested this about 8yrs ago when I was on Mat Leave - and we've done it every year since. I buy something small for my nieces and nephews, do a £5 Secret Santa at work, and that's it (apart me buying for my own kids). I just wouldn't be able to afford to buy something for everyone...and I'm lucky enough to still have my job and work FT.

Honestly OP, just speak up and say something now. People will understand. These are hard times for many people at the moment. And no one should be getting into debt for Xmas. I'd be horrified if people were getting into debt buying stuff for me/my kids.

You just need to bite the bullet and tell them you are only buying gifts for your own children and partner.
Tbh most of them will feel the same but no one ever wants to be the one to suggest it.
I was in a similar position a few years ago and when I suggested it people were really happy.
I now buy for 3 people. Not only is it great financially but also makes Christmas stress free thinking what to buy for multiple randomers for the sake of it