Can't afford Xmas

[hoomama]

Not an AIBU but didn't know where to put it.

I have purchased most of my Daughters and partners presents for Xmas and I have worked out that I am going to need to spend almost all of my (leftover) wages next month buying presents for everyone else.

It just seems ridiculous.

I was trying to cut the prices down and only spend £10-15 on other people but it still adds up. I also feel guilty if people only have 1 present to open and then I look like a stinge and then also when they spend about £30 on you and you feel like you have to do the same.

Is anyone else in the same position? Do you just cough up and pay and get on with it? Going to be living on beans and toast towards the end of December at this rate!!

I would speak to friends now and ask if you can stop exchanging kids gifts, everyone gets lots and one gift won’t be missed by any child. Perhaps suggest getting together for a hot chocolate at home instead?

I would buy something within budget for your nephews and a small gift between your parents - a poinsettia and chocolates? £15 max.

Does your partner contribute half the cost for the presents to other people?

Be honest with the people you're close to. If they expect more then they aren't worth it.
I'm on a tight budget too and I like to make homemade edible presents for Christmas. Cookies, fudge, brownies, reindeer hot choc bags, stovetop simmer jars, mulled wine spices kit, chutneys, curds or jam, hot choc stir sticks etc. handmade decorations made by your daughter.

How old are the kids you're buying for?

Also don't buy for friends kids, none of my friends buy for each other's kids, it's unnecessary just have a conversation with your friends saying that it's all too much.

My 7yo would be ecstatic if she was given a wrapped bar of cadburys with a £1 taped to it like my extended family used to do for me and my brothers. Gifts don't have to be extravagant.

I know how you feel. I haven't worked since June (Covid, Pneumonia, stroke, in hospital 6 weeks, etc) and am still not fit enough yet. Husband works but doesn't always work a full month due to having had to keep taking unpaid (no holidays left, he used them when I was in hospital) time off to take me to lots of hospital appointments.

We've got 2 sons (adults but I've always bought presents for them), 2 grandchildren (10 & 7) and 2 elderly relatives to buy for, plus the Christmas food, still to buy.

Nope, don't do it.

I have an overall budget and prioritise the people who are more present in our lives and the rest get smaller gifts. Never ever stretch your finances for Christmas gifts, people will understand if you can't afford to splash out.

I only buy for my own children that's it. I sent out a text early to tell people I will only be buying for my own children and no nieces and nephews as Christmas vis becoming too expensive nobody minded in fact I think slot were relieved

*alot

Just remembered - also my friend, who insists we exchange presents - who pointedly told me in June that she's got my presents. And her kid, who also has a birthday in Dec.

This year my mum suggested the adults in the family all go a nice meal in the new year instead of buy presents for each other. I thought it was a great idea, don't need to worry about what to buy each other and won't have to pay out until next year so spread the costs a little.

Also a few years ago I messaged all my cousins suggesting we stop buying for each other - they all jumped at it, you might find others are thinking the same as you and would also rather just buy for kids

I really think it’s a case of only buying for family and telling everyone that that is what you are doing . You may find other people will be relieved - I have told a friend that we normally exchange gifts with that I think we should stop and she sent me a text saying what a good call it was - she probably wanted to stop as much as me but was just not upfront enough to suggest it . We now only have one couple outside of our family that we buy for but they are our oldest friends and I’m happy to carry on .

We have cut way back on presents over the years by mutual agreement, the whole gift-giving merry go round has become crazy!! Once you step off it is very liberating!!! Talk to the people you exchange gifts with and agree to do things differently.

DH and I don't but for each other but we get a few token gifts from the kids (eg socks/chocolate / mug). We would rather have a night away together than buy for the sake of it.
Siblings.......we just buy for the kids under 18.
Parents in law....... we get something they want or tickets for a show.
My parents ......we don't exchange gifts but will go out together for a meal together sometime in the new year.
We buy gifts for our dc but don't go mad and often buy used games.

For adults, just tell them you’re having a difficult time financially and is it okay to not buy this year.

For kids - as pp have said, this is what selection boxes are for! A book or game from The Works and a selection is great and kids love them. Don’t spend more than £3-5! TW has 6 for £10, 3 for £5 and 2 for £10 books and toys offers online; Tesco etc have discontent selection boxes; B&M do big tubes of Christmas sweets for £1 that also go nicely with a book.

Nephews may need slightly more, but look at the Argos 2 for £15 deals - there are usually some great toys on that, including Lego.

You won’t be the only one in this position, especially after coronavirus, OP - it’s been a financial strain on lots of people.

I actively don’t want people to buy presents for my children unless we are spending Christmas Day together. It’s not necessary as they get stuff from the people they see on the day and it just puts more pressure on everyone.

We stopped buying for anyone but our kids last year. Best thing we ever did. My Xmas is soooo less stressful! My Xmas shopping was done by beg of Nov for my 2 boys. I used to stress for months about what to buy everyone, so hard buying for people who don't really need anything. Also saving an absolute fortune! Xmas is about spending TIME with loved ones not spending money on them, possibly getting into debt etc. We used to splurge on catalogues to buy for family as we had no money and would spend half the following year paying it back! Madness!!

It's awful. One year my brother had a go at me as he was disappointed in what I had bought his children. I had spent around £15 on a gift plus £10 in cash. I was only spending around £30 on my own kids that Christmas as I was short of cash. I now feel obliged to spend more than I can really afford. I buy for lots more people than he does and I earn around half what he does. It's bonkers.

Sounds like a good plan OP and think carefully next year about how you want to play it. Maybe your daughter doesn't need as much, as those birthdays could be scaled back?

I think it's fair enough to say to adults 'lets not do presents' but say it NOW before they start buying for you. I think it would still be nice to provide something, e.g. homemade biscuits, little christmassy plant thats a couple of quid.

Inform family and friends that you are only buying for your dc this year.

I did this years ago. What a relief! To be honest most of the gifts I bought were token gifts as opposed to buying someone's favourite perfume/after shave.

You should not over stretch yourself to buy others gifts. If people care, they will understand.

friends kids

Lord above, I bet they would be just as relieved to stop too. More 'stuff', more pressure, more cost, more bloody everything except sense!

Break free OP

Why are you buying for partners? Tell them you are short of cash. Buy each household a large box of chocolates/biscuits/bottle to share between them.

I got off this silly "Merry Go Round" years ago and I don't regret it one bit! You always end up not pleasing everybody anyway.Do yourself a favour and just buy for your partner and kids.Let everyone else know in advance that from this year this is the way to go...I suspect a lot of the others you usually swap gifts with will also be relieved!

In our family, we just buy for the kids. Go somewhere like the works, you can get nice craft sets and games...2 for a tenner I think.

Have you a skill you could offer? My DiL did a nail technician's course and is offering a free manicure with gels as a pressie (making home made vouchers to go in nice cards). She can also offer home made soaps, candles, bath bombs or a session doing your ironing, or mending....

Can you offer anything like that or would you family and friends be odd about it? I think her pressie ideas make mine look mundane - it's so much easier to buy something than to offer your time and effort and I know which I value more.

Never do adult presents- best blanket rule

None of my friends do presents for each other’s kids. I’m sure your friends would be happy to stop it. You could suggest meeting up with for a play date, park trip or something.

Can you offer a gift of baby sitting perhaps this would be worth so much more to some people than a bottle of wine.