Can't afford Xmas

[hoomama]

Not an AIBU but didn't know where to put it.

I have purchased most of my Daughters and partners presents for Xmas and I have worked out that I am going to need to spend almost all of my (leftover) wages next month buying presents for everyone else.

It just seems ridiculous.

I was trying to cut the prices down and only spend £10-15 on other people but it still adds up. I also feel guilty if people only have 1 present to open and then I look like a stinge and then also when they spend about £30 on you and you feel like you have to do the same.

Is anyone else in the same position? Do you just cough up and pay and get on with it? Going to be living on beans and toast towards the end of December at this rate!!

I have a friend who is skint sometimes and wants to buy gifts, but gets us a carefully chosen book from a charity shop. I love this every bit as much as a new book. It's still a thoughtful, sweet gesture and I still have the excitement of opening something. I think this is absolutely fine.

My best friends and I have decided to go for a meal out instead of pressies. About £20 each if shared bill.

I really dislike the whole oh you only have to spend £5/£10 on each person, truthfully I would rather have no present and you keep that money in your pocket and I don't end up with a load of things I don't really want (please God no more Baylis and Harding) that end up going to the charity shop (after my elderly neighbour has had a rifle through) . Gifts really aren't necessary for adults and if you really want to get something for someone make sure it's something they will really cherish rather than something for the sake of it

I just don’t understand why you’re buying your partner a present when you are struggling? We don’t buy anything for each other usually. I’d love a present but it’s an expensive time and we tend to do something lovely in Spring together when we have more money again!

@Converseandjeans.
I'm sorry, your brother sounds like an absolute arse. Please try not to worry about his nonsense and remember that those who care for you will be happy to see you regardless of gifts. 💐

Good quality tea or coffee & nice quality biscuits (small pack I get lemon flavour shortcake type from M & S
or ditto Jam & Marmalade (full size) ditto pickles plus biscuits for cheese (small pack)

Converse
Your brother's behaviour was awful. I cannot believe he made a point of speaking to you about how little you spent. I presume he wanted the cost of your gift to match his.

Jurgens
The number of goodwill gifts I have received over the years which I have given away. I would have preferred if the person had saved themselves the £10 rather than buy me a Superdrug/boots set.

thereadinggiraffe.co.uk/

All books £3. Excellent quality, amazing range of books. One for each of the kids and the adults get nothing.

I introduced the idea of buying for kids only to my family and it was received with great joy and relief by everyone. If you don't want to admit you cant pay for presents tell them from an environmental angle you don't want a lot of extra stuff and would appreciate if you didn't swap gifts this year. It makes Christmas much easier even without the cost to consider.

I dropped to small token gifts for people I have to buy for outside of my home and cut some out altogether. I also told them to do the same with us. It means we have to buy all of the presents for our DC as they don’t really get Christmas presents from other people, but it actually works out cheaper that way. Our children never ask why they don’t get things from other people because we let Santa take the credit for the whole lot anyway. Our children also end up just getting things they want and need that way. I felt very guilty the first year we started but I couldn’t keep up with the spiralling costs as more and more people had babies.

One year, when we didn’t have much spare money, I wrapped up different chocolates (like choc orange, Thornton’s Xmas thing) and put a picture on the front. Then they had to draw an identical card from a bag and they had the present that matched (basically ‘snap’ with a gift).
It saved loads of money, but had a fun element. I did feel a bit bad when others bought us more expensive things, but that’s life!

Try charity shops - they have books in the one I volunteer at in perfect condition for 49p, new they would be £5-10

We only buy for kids now although I do buy for my Dad as he's elderly and I like to. It's probably too late this year but perhaps consider a secret Santa type thing where all the adults names go into a pot and each adult then only has to buy one present with say a limit of 30 quid for example. It means nobody is left out and everybody gets a decent gift.

I also try and buy bits throughout the year and put them away. It's far less painful that way. I'm on a low income as I'm a single parent/carer so I try and be thoughtful but I certainly don't overspend or get onto debt. Honesty is the best policy going forward.

I would be really upset if someone buying me/my children presents was leaving themselves very short. It honestly is the thought that counts!

We only buy for children, grandparents and a token gesture for anyone who buys a gift for the children (unless they have children themselves - we buy for them). Tin of biscuits etc

We have decided to do secret santa this year which will save us about £400.00 and it's £10 and a selection box for the neices and nephews. I want to splurge on my first DGD but will save that for another year. Myself and DH have both been off work with Covid so finances have taken a big hit and everyone has been very understanding. Be honest, I'm sure your family/friends will also understand

Definitely just be honest. My Best friend and I have agreed to treat each other to something we want in January when money is less stretched. She's focusing on getting some toys for her Grandson and not gifting to adults. I only have my Niece and Nephew and they have both been covered, one in September and the other just today as it is something that goes with his main present from his parents. I just buy nice Xmas decorations for people as their token gift based on their likes. I don't spend a lot and wouldn't want someone going without in order to buy me a present.

Just make the suggestion for everyone to stop buying for everyone else, I'm sure they'll all heave a huge sigh of relief. I did this about ten years ago and it's been wonderful, not trailing round the shops (or websites), shelling out hard-earned cash for a load of tat. Also wonderful to not be given a boatload of tat from others.

Just don't buy them. Tell people. Everyone will be relieved

I'm only buying for my kids and one niece this year. Everyone else (family) is getting a school photo. I don't buy for friends or their kids. Just can't afford too. I used to get into loads of debt for Christmas and I just can't do it to myself anymore, the stress in January and February was ridiculous.

Tell everyone you aren’t doing gifts this year. I am a right Scrooge and buy for my dh only-he tells me what he wants. Swapping presents is so pointless, I find. Inevitably you end up with stuff you don’t really want, as does everyone else. Don’t feel bad, you’re lowering your carbon footprint too! (Slightly sarcastic!)

We're in a similar position. We stopped buying for friends kids for Christmas, simply told our friends we couldn't afford it.
We also stopped buying for adults on my husband's side, as each couple has 2 kids so it's perfectly fair to just buy for the kids. Again, I think we brought this up.
We have also told people if their suggested gift for their child is out of budget "sorry, that's a bit more than we were planning to spend, can you send us some ideas around the £x mark please?"
We're also quite strict about our kids budget, we spend £100 per child which is absolutely plenty when I look objectively. I try to not compare to what others online are spending and know my kids have a few presents that they will love rather than masses off stuff that will get forgotten. Easier while they are young I suspect, they are 4 and 2.
I also know we spend less on presents for my family than they do on me. I'm finding this a bit more tricky to navigate, but just knowing that we have a budget and I've chosen something they will like within that budget is the best I can do. My family are all in much better positions than us financially, better paying jobs, no kids, both working. We have 2 kids, I work very part time, mostly sahm, DH works full time but fairly low paid.
Overall, we've found the best policy is to cut anyone out that we can, set a realistic budget early on and save for this all year and be honest with people that we can't afford to buy for everyone but we don't expect anything in return. Hopefully you can have some honest conversations.

Honestly stop buying for others! I did best thing I ever did. I USED to buy for :
DB, SIL and 5 KIDS
SIL BIL & 2 KIDS
GOD CHILDREN X 4
FRIENDS DCS X 6
DS GODMOTHER.
MY FRIEND.
MY FRIENDS DM
BOTH SETS OF PARENTS
DH
OUR DCS

now I only buy for

1 friends dc
DH
Parents
our dcs

I just text everyone 1 year and said sorry I can't afford to do it. Please can we stop buying for each other /dcs.

I cut down on my Christmas list many years ago and have never looked back.The deciding factor was my adult Nephews demanding their Girlfriends who I had never even met received a gift from me.

We don’t but for anyone now and have requested no gifts for us as most of them just get regifted anyway.

Family now only buy for the children and we only buy for our own children. It’s cheaper and better all round.