Can't afford Xmas

[hoomama]

Not an AIBU but didn't know where to put it.

I have purchased most of my Daughters and partners presents for Xmas and I have worked out that I am going to need to spend almost all of my (leftover) wages next month buying presents for everyone else.

It just seems ridiculous.

I was trying to cut the prices down and only spend £10-15 on other people but it still adds up. I also feel guilty if people only have 1 present to open and then I look like a stinge and then also when they spend about £30 on you and you feel like you have to do the same.

Is anyone else in the same position? Do you just cough up and pay and get on with it? Going to be living on beans and toast towards the end of December at this rate!!

@TheCreamCaker

Just remembered - also my friend, who insists we exchange presents - who pointedly told me in June that she's got my presents. And her kid, who also has a birthday in Dec.

God I have this - set of 4 friends- every year we say " Let's do Secret Santa" or "homemade only" and EVERY YEAR no matter how early we sent the message- the reply would be "Aww I already have yours" (sometimes as early as Jun/Jul) Luckily, Covid gave a big excuse and has reset the madness!

sorry meant to say- one of the 4 friends would say this- not all!

Can you offer between friends to do a kiddies secret Santa? If there’s 10 kids amongst a friend ship group or family it could be fun and you can do a secret Santa draw online for free

Can you only buy for kids or do secret Santa?

We have never bought for friends’ children. Bite the bullet and say you think it’s time to stop. They will probably be delighted. Most children get more than they can cope with anyway.
We stopped buying for nieces/nephews after agreeing with family that it was unnecessay expense. Maybe let them know now so that you aren’t embarrassed at the last minute when gifts appear.

Just tell everyone you are skint but you would like to make them something make cakes Or biscuits?

Christmas isn't about the amount you spend or the number or presents you give (or receive). Don't feel pressured to get into debt to pay for it. Be honest with people on what you can / can't afford, and you could also start moving to a no / minimal presents future for non-core family. You can have a fantastic time with family and friends without giving in to the relentless commercialism.

A relative of mine stated this year that she isn't able to afford to buy any presents and requested that no one buys her anything. More than happy for her not to buy for me. In fact if she spent a lot on me I'd be mortified, knowing that she's struggling right now.

I did say that I don't give to receive. I'd like to buy her something and don't expect anything back. But she was insistent so I will respect her wish. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable or like she has to spend money she doesn't have buying me something in return.

Explain to people and if they're decent they will understand. If you really arent comfortable not giving gifts at all, perhaps suggest just buying a little something for children but not for adults, or a Secret Santa, or if you have any craft or baking skills you could make something?

Can you offer a gift of baby sitting perhaps this would be worth so much more to some people than a bottle of wine so weird, not to mention I would rather go gift less forever more than babysit someone elses children

I think that so many people are buying things they can’t easily afford for each other and that neither party really wants or needs and they would jump at the chance to stop if one person suggests it!
The adults in our family stopped a few years ago. It’s still pretty stressful and expensive buying for my own kids but so much better than having to buy for adults too. The only kids I buy for in addition are nephews and god daughter.
I love the works for kids’ stuff - so much affordable craft things and little bits you could pick up for a fiver. That and a net of chocolate coins for each child and you’ll be sorted. Or you could agree with family/friends to just buy for your own dc instead of both of you spending on token gifts.

A small gift is ok... A nice journal at Sainsbury's is £4, add a £2 pen. Or bake some nice biscuits for the for adults. It is the thought that counts, something small and thoughtful is always nice.

It’s absolutely ridiculous if you can’t afford it. I’m so fed up of the ‘have to buy x, y, z a present’ that this year I’m not buying any other than for the DGCs. If DH wants to write the cards for the first time ever then fine, I’m not.
I’ve had a horrible year, I don’t like Christmas in a good year let alone this one, and I’m sick of forking out for presents to give to people who rarely reciprocate. No more.
Bah humbug? Probably but I refuse to get stressed out over yet another thing!

How do you approach it if it is obvious that you aren’t strapped for cash? I absolutely despise the merry go round of crap and waste. Worse is that in my family there is a tradition of asking people what they want. So no surprises! I would desperately like to stop but don’t know how to approach it.

I mean, I hate getting presents anyways, but I'd hate it even more if I knew the person who was buying it, was buying it out of some obligation when they could ill afford it, I'd rather someone told me beforehand.

Could you combine with other family members to give a gift to each child? So instead of you spending £10 on a small thing, you get 4 of you together and put in £10 each, then buy them a really decent toy from "all the aunts and uncles" or whatever?

Or even put in £5 each - a single £20 toy is probably going to be better than 2 £10 toys (unless you can find a good deal somewhere).

Also, with my friends we stopped buying gifts a few years ago, and instead we go for a nice dinner in January (nowhere posh - it still costs far less than buying presents). We get a good catch up and it's something to look forward to.

@hoomama

Not an AIBU but didn't know where to put it.

I have purchased most of my Daughters and partners presents for Xmas and I have worked out that I am going to need to spend almost all of my (leftover) wages next month buying presents for everyone else.

It just seems ridiculous.

I was trying to cut the prices down and only spend £10-15 on other people but it still adds up. I also feel guilty if people only have 1 present to open and then I look like a stinge and then also when they spend about £30 on you and you feel like you have to do the same.

Is anyone else in the same position? Do you just cough up and pay and get on with it? Going to be living on beans and toast towards the end of December at this rate!!

Sad that you feel pressured this way. If you don't have the money just have a xmas that is not all about consumerism instead. Go and volunteer at a shelter this xmas instead, be out of the house, go on a walk, give your time instead of feeling the need to buy into consumerism, which is killing the planet by the way.

I would be mortified to think someone was spending money they couldn't afford on me. Nobody wants that OP! stop the madness!

Why have you bought for your partner if money is so tight?

@1AngelicFruitCake

Why have you bought for your partner if money is so tight?

I actually wondered this too.

Does he actually care about presents? Can't you just get each other a token gift?

Last year, I got my partner a hoodie and a selection box. Maybe 10/15 pounds in total. It's just something small to open.

For his birthday, I just cook him something nice for dinner and bake a cake.

You do seem very trapped in the commercialisation of Christmas and birthdays, etc. It doesn't have to be that way. You can choose to do things differently.

Who else do you need to buy for? I assume parents, siblings, nieces and nephews?!

Just tell them the truth. Tell them you are skint - most people are and you can't afford much, if anything. Family should understand. Maybe just buy a small token gift or something home made (I say this as someone who is absolutely shit at anything home made though 😅). Or if there's children in the family, just say you all buy for the children.

Do not get broke buying for others please op no have done this before and it sucks. But what you can afford and if that's nothing, so be it.

We know a bad financial situation this year. I've bought stuff for dc as started early. Me and dp aren't bothering with each other this year. I've got small bits for family but not a huge amount. I've told them I just can't do much.

We have a car bill of potentially hundreds of pounds coming up this week too (it's in the garage). So that will be really shite just before Christmas!

@hoomama

Great, thank you everyone!

I'm going to take everyone's advice and tell the adults I can't afford it and for them not to buy for me either. I suppose I just feel a lot of pressure to give presents back and worry that it's not enough (I realise that this is ridiculous).

It's also bad timing as it is my friends birthday & my partners birthday just before Xmas. So double presents although my partner wouldn't care if he didn't have much. My friend has asked me to go out for a meal for her birthday and I would normally pay for it as well as presents but I will have to be honest with her and say I can't afford to pay for the meal. I have got her a present already. I also have 2 Nephews to buy for and 4 friends kids. Would also normally buy for my parents.

Thanks all.

Op . I'm sure others have mentioned the works, 10 books for 10 quid so you can buy each one something they would like. If you have spares put them away for next year. Asda have small selection packs for 89p each. A book and a selection pack 2 presents each. Job done.

A £1 present given with genuine love and sincerity is worth more than a £30 - £50 token gesture. To me, anyway, but maybe that's just me.

Best wishes to you, and I hope you have a lovely Christmas. xx

This is precisely why I only buy presents for my own children. I refuse to overspend and be frivolous with money. Dh and I don’t buy gifts for each other, we’re adults and can buy what we like whenever we like. Christmas cost is less than £400 for everything from presents to the tree to food as I point blank refuse to be caught up in it.

Id be appalled if I found out somebody had gone without to buy me a gift I probably don't want or need..... Id suggest a secret santa. Each person has one person to buy for, that or buy everyone a chocolate orange. But do NOT go without yourself to buy gifts