Unvaxxed dilemma

[TheRussianDoll]

Having a small family get together for sons 21st. Surprise “do”. My friends and DH’s family all vaccinated and lots of boosters too. My family … quite a few anti vaxxers. I had absolutely no idea but now, DH wants me to stop them coming or, tell others that some at the gathering aren’t vaccinated.

I have told my family “no fax no invite” but it’s causing very bad feeling. My son has Aspergers so, it’s not a big “do” but I’ve put a lot of thought and love into the plan and now I feel very deflated. It’ll cut the guest list by half.

DH is 62. Has pulmonary sarcoidosis and diabetes and as a family unit, “we” have followed every rule going and still mask, even outside in crowded places.

What should I do?

You could ask them all to do lateral flow tests I guess. How would that go down?

I am double vaccinated and so not anti-vax but we cannot assume in any setting that everyone is double vaccinated. Be prepared that for a big fall out. My advice would be to ask those that are vulnerable to distance a bit and stay away if they are symptomatic. I don’t think you can do much else.

I am double jabbed but would happily do a LFT before going to an event where someone was high risk. I do one before I see my mum because she's immunocompromised.

But I would be suspicious that anti-vaxxers might also be anti-test and would just lie and say they'd done one.

If your husband is uncomfortable and feels it's a risk to his own safety then I would respect that. What does your son think?

Why don't you invite everyone but ask them to take an LFT. They're more accurate than previously thought at detecting the virus, apparently.

Having been vaccinated is absolutely no guarantee of not transmitting or catching Covid at all. Loads and loads of double vaxxed people have had it. I wouldn't be stopping family attending an event because they aren't vaccinated. I maybe would if they refused to take a test as your husband is vulnerable.

Oh sorry it's a surprise do! Well, what would he say if he knew?

The vaxxed can be Covid carriers, just the same as the unvaxxed.

The only way to be safe is for ALL the guests to do lateral flow tests to ensure don't have Covid (there are plenty of vaxxed people in hospital with Covid, as I'm sure you know).

@jenniesgame

You could ask them all to do lateral flow tests I guess. How would that go down?

This I’d say -

I'm only half-vaccinated but would be happy to skip the event if someone there was vulnerable and concerned about me not being fully vaccinated.

I don’t know the vaccine status of all of our friends and family. But we all do LFTs when there’s something like this which seems the best option here.

Enjoy the party!

I read your title as ‘unwaxxed’ and was expecting something far more salacious

Why would you tell others at the gathering about people's medical status? That's a bit much. As PP have said, I wouldn't stop them coming, but have them test beforehand. Enjoy the party!

Why on earth does your DH want to tell people other people’s medical history?

If he and others are vaccinated, why is he concerned about those who aren’t? Why is he thinking they’re posing a risk to anyone but themselves?

I would say doing LFTs would be sensible for everyone before the party, vaccinated or otherwise. But otherwise, stay calm and enjoy the party without ostracising anybody.

You should really remember that the vaccinated do spread covid. If you think about the numbers, it’s primarily spread by the vaccinated. I am double jabbed. Caught it from a vaccinated person and was really ill with it. Really jabbed or not doesn’t make a difference for this type of event. If someone has it, it’s going to spread indoors. I’d see if you can get people to do lateral flows instead. Lateral flows are a lot better than people think.

Make them shower then walk through a bleach trough just like we did in public swimming pools in the 1970s

On a serious note I think it is wildly unreasonable not to invite some people in your family who have, for whatever reason, chosen not to have the vaccine. We are teetering on the brink of totalitarianism. Perhaps your partner would like non vaxx-ed people to be branded or identified in some way...this situation where freedom of choice is under attack makes me feel very sad. It reminds me of many occasions in history where groups were scapegoated and isolated in society.

“ If he and others are vaccinated, why is he concerned about those who aren’t? Why is he thinking they’re posing a risk to anyone but themselves? ”

Because :
He’s extremely clinically vulnerable
they’re more likely to catch covid and to have higher levels of virus for a longer period of time
There are high community levels at the moment

I do agree with the suggestion that everyone should take an LFT before they come because vaccinated people can still carry the virus.

I hope you manage to hold an enjoyable family get together OP. Sorry it’s turning into such a political minefield.

Given his health issues, no vax=no party invite coupled with LFTs being required sounds reasonable. People might get annoyed - that's up to them and probably preferable to your DH risking COVID and the associated complications.

If people don't want to or can't fulfil those requirements, they can celebrate another way, either virtually or through a smaller socially distanced contact with a lower risk of transmission.

A party isn't worth risking your DH catching COVID imo.

Your DH is taking quite the risk irrespective of his own of others vaccination status. I’d be more concerned about anyone bringing Covid into the house personally.

I myself would not be happy to take this risk given his condition. A large gathering of only vaccinated guests is still fairly dangerous sorry.

I would send out a big group email saying that as DH isn't vulnerable and we want him around awhile longer, we ask that you please do a LFT before coming to help ensure his safety. Then of antivaxxers want to out themselves on the thread, or skip the event in a huff, so be it.

Have windows open and heating on during the party. Not good for climate change but it will be fine for a few hours.

As DH *IS vulnerable...

I’d be more worried about the double vaccinated carrying it asymptomatically. They are more likely to not realize they have the virus. The unvaccinated are more likely to show symptoms and do LFT!

I would go with what your dh wants in these circumstances if only because I would never forgive myself if someone he didn't want there passed it on and the worst happened.

@Seenoevil1

Make them shower then walk through a bleach trough just like we did in public swimming pools in the 1970s On a serious note I think it is wildly unreasonable not to invite some people in your family who have, for whatever reason, chosen not to have the vaccine. We are teetering on the brink of totalitarianism. Perhaps your partner would like non vaxx-ed people to be branded or identified in some way...this situation where freedom of choice is under attack makes me feel very sad. It reminds me of many occasions in history where groups were scapegoated and isolated in society.

Um ... calm down with the "branding" and totalitarianism stuff okay? This is just a party.

I think it's absolutely fair enough to state "No Vax - No Invite". Stand your ground, OP.

@Totallydefeated

Why on earth does your DH want to tell people other people’s medical history?

If he and others are vaccinated, why is he concerned about those who aren’t? Why is he thinking they’re posing a risk to anyone but themselves?

I would say doing LFTs would be sensible for everyone before the party, vaccinated or otherwise. But otherwise, stay calm and enjoy the party without ostracising anybody.

In what way does a general statement that some attendees are not fully vaccinated raise a privacy concern for you? Are you able to explain the ethical issue you see arising?