Unvaxxed dilemma

[TheRussianDoll]

Having a small family get together for sons 21st. Surprise “do”. My friends and DH’s family all vaccinated and lots of boosters too. My family … quite a few anti vaxxers. I had absolutely no idea but now, DH wants me to stop them coming or, tell others that some at the gathering aren’t vaccinated.

I have told my family “no fax no invite” but it’s causing very bad feeling. My son has Aspergers so, it’s not a big “do” but I’ve put a lot of thought and love into the plan and now I feel very deflated. It’ll cut the guest list by half.

DH is 62. Has pulmonary sarcoidosis and diabetes and as a family unit, “we” have followed every rule going and still mask, even outside in crowded places.

What should I do?

I'm unvaxxed and would respect the right of anyone uninviting me as a result.
Given that vaccinated, especially if they are more than 6 months past their last shot, can still carry and pass it on, I think LFT and being strict on symptoms (piss of and take your bloody cough with you) might be more sensible.

@jenniesgame

You could ask them all to do lateral flow tests I guess. How would that go down?

Given the OPs DH is vulnerable, they should be fine. Especially if you send out a group message asking everyone to do it and explaining why (i.e. because DH is vulnerable, vax is not 100% and some people haven't been vaxxed). That makes it clear no one is being singled out.

Since your DH is vulnerable, go with what he says. But it would be sensible to do LFT for everyone before coming; plus maybe the No vax, no invite (as vaccination does reduce risk of having covid).

If this party was outdoors in summer, there might be lower risk - as there would be better ventilation - so might provide some mitigation against the risks of multiple people being there and some unvaxed.

In my circle/family it would be fine to tell anti vaxxers no & in fact we have said we won’t see family who aren’t vaccinated. But virtually everyone is & the area I live in (not UK) is extremely pro vax & masking/social distancing & more than 90% of over 12s are vaccinated anyway.

Agree either stand your ground or ask all guests to do LFT before coming. The second is fairer. Not unreasonable in the circumstances! I’d prob do one without being asked if I knew I was meeting someone vulnérable x

Garden with heat somehow?

His lot come earlier and when your lot come later he hides?

LFTs are unreliable aren't they?

I mean. I'd want to keep the peace. But they're being unreasonable obv.

I'd go with your his lot come at say 2 and his lot come at 4 or something. He fucks off before yours arrive. Crap excuse to your family. If you can't be honest.

See everyone DC gets all on birthday. DH sees his lot doesn't have to be exposed to (interact with I bet he's not impressed!) with yours.

OR

just say look DH vulnerable. Just not worth the risk. Sorry. But that's that. During fall out know it was right thing to do.

I would both say that invite is contingent on vaccination and do an LFT.

Your husband is vulnerable. Presumably people who are coming to this party are your friends and family and thus care about his health. Anyone who's an arsehole about this doesn't deserve to be listened to.

Might just be me, but if I was worried about having pulmonary sarcoidosis and diabetes I wouldn’t be arranging parties.

Even a DC birthday party with close family?

I mean everyone's different and individuals families are all different.

I think that's an approach that understandably many wouldn't share and I'm sure you're aware of that.

Even a DC birthday party with close family?I mean everyone's different and individuals families are all different. I think that's an approach that understandably many wouldn't share and I'm sure you're aware of that

I am aware and that’s why I said it might just be me,,ultimately it’s on each person, particularly if vulnerable to take steps to protect their own health. Everyone knows you can still get it vaxxed or not and I’m not being funny, if we are floating the idea of yet another lockdown to “protect the vulnerable” it’s a reasonable expectation that those vulnerable people don’t put themselves at risk unnecessarily. Im not happy to be restricted to protect vulnerable people who won’t protect themselves. Are you?

The other option is he can bow out of the party or even have two separate parties. A young lads party should be a celebration not a place for disclosing other people’s medical history.

The OP obviously wants a party it's been arranged.

I would tell them to fuck off or do two.

When family said come see but we can shout from end of drive. Obv yep totally fine.

OP family kicking off. It's just shit for her.

Ask everyone to do a LFT before coming if you want to be safe as you can. Vaccinated can carry and spread, and get ill from, Covid also.

Covid is rife at the moment. My workplace has several cases, over 10 and all in vaccinated adults who have passed it around. As it seems, being vaccinated does not stop you getting covid, but may prevent you from getting a more serious illness. My colleagues range from mild cold to extremely unwell.
So, if you are worried about someone who is clinically vulnerable I wouldn’t be having a get together at the moment. Having non vaccinated people there may increase the risk but the risk is still very much there.

I wouldnt bother asking people to LFT because the anti Vaxxers will say they have and not bother.

The simple fact is that their choice is going to limit them, they knew this going in. So stick to "no vax, no invite". Its amazing how anti vaxxers only give a shit when their fucked up logic actually affects them isnt it?!

"I/We respect anyone's choice to vaccinate or not, but as a family we must insist that only those who are fully vaccinated as per the government recommendations attend the event."

End of.

Having said that...... the unvaccinated are the ones most at risk, us vaxxers can still get it and pass it on. So maybe let them come and let natural selection do its thing.....

Sorry I know that is the wrong thing to say but ffs.....

Vaccinations don't stop the spread.

If your so bothered ask guests to do a LFT the day of / before the party.

I can completely understand how he feels, in the circumstances I would agree with him.

On a serious note I think it is wildly unreasonable not to invite some people in your family who have, for whatever reason, chosen not to have the vaccine. We are teetering on the brink of totalitarianism. Perhaps your partner would like non vaxx-ed people to be branded or identified in some way...this situation where freedom of choice is under attack makes me feel very sad. It reminds me of many occasions in history where groups were scapegoated and isolated in society. well, you’d be first off my invite list. Good god get a bloody grip.

OP I wouldn’t uninvite them on the basis they weren’t vaccinated, I would uninvite them on the basis they were anti-vaxxers. People are free to put their own lives at risk should they so choose, but I have 0 time for anti-vaxxers who would likely show up with an agenda and spouting antivaxx conspiracy shite at what is meant to be a lighthearted occasion.

I know people who haven’t been vaccinated for whatever reason. I think they’re stupid, but whatever, if they want to put themselves at risk then crack on.

But the instant they started spouting their antivaxx crap I would cut them off. I have no time for those types.

My CEV DH has been advised to only socialize with fully vaccinated individuals. He is still isolating as much as possible and so am I to help keep him safe. We absolutely check the vaccination status of anyone we might spend time with and do not attend if everyone is not vaccinated.

Having said that...... the unvaccinated are the ones most at risk, us vaxxers can still get it and pass it on. So maybe let them come and let natural selection do its thing..... ooh yes I like that.

So far in the last three months I've lost three vaccinated, friends and relatives. Natural selection did do it's thing but not with my unvaccinated friends. This virus doesn't skip the vaccinated. OP do what feels right, I personally wouldn't be having a party, as it's not safe even if your vaccinated.

Maybe if he is that vulnerable don't arrange a party

and there is a CV board for this sort of thread

Being vaccinated does not mean you don't have covid. A friend recently caught covid after being at a party where the "birthday boy" strongly suspected he had CV but didn't want to cancel his party. Turns out he was positive so the double vaccinated plus booster boy infected about 75% at his 60th party! Ask everyone to test lft.

With your DH vulnerable as he is I would be asking all guests to do a LFT anyway.

We do them before family visits. I wouldn’t dream of visiting someone with a condition that made them more vulnerable without testing.

If you are concerned get everyone to do an lft ,covid is rife amongst the vaccinated they are still getting it and spreading it the whole mentality that to just mix with the vaccinated is wrong because the vaccine does not stop transmission it may reduce but it doesn't stop it completely.