Unvaxxed dilemma

[TheRussianDoll]

Having a small family get together for sons 21st. Surprise “do”. My friends and DH’s family all vaccinated and lots of boosters too. My family … quite a few anti vaxxers. I had absolutely no idea but now, DH wants me to stop them coming or, tell others that some at the gathering aren’t vaccinated.

I have told my family “no fax no invite” but it’s causing very bad feeling. My son has Aspergers so, it’s not a big “do” but I’ve put a lot of thought and love into the plan and now I feel very deflated. It’ll cut the guest list by half.

DH is 62. Has pulmonary sarcoidosis and diabetes and as a family unit, “we” have followed every rule going and still mask, even outside in crowded places.

What should I do?

@blameitonthecaffeine

Why don't you invite everyone but ask them to take an LFT. They're more accurate than previously thought at detecting the virus, apparently.

Having been vaccinated is absolutely no guarantee of not transmitting or catching Covid at all. Loads and loads of double vaxxed people have had it. I wouldn't be stopping family attending an event because they aren't vaccinated. I maybe would if they refused to take a test as your husband is vulnerable.

This!

MarbleQueen I don’t really agree that there’s anything wrong whatsoever with a CEV person setting any rules in their own home that they feel best keep themselves safe

He absolutely should set rules that he feels keep him safe. The question is whether those rules and precautions will work and whether it is worth the risk.

I think everyone has needs that go beyond just staying alive and I really feel for those who are CEV and having to try to work out where that balance lies for them.

Many thousands of CEV parents are letting their too young to be vaccinated dc go to school, because that’s important for them, knowing their dc could unknowingly carry back home a virus that could kill that parent.

I imagine many CEV people will be missing out on live music, cinema etc, but can imagine if this was me I would definitely want to be at my son’s 21st. Especially as it’s a very small gathering.

It’s so hard isn’t it trying to balance the risk.

I appreciate he’s had a difficult time, everyone has but the vulnerable really need to start taking responsibility for themselves and stop putting themselves at risk.

He’s accepted all the vaccines available to him and wants a small family gathering in his home where all attendees have done the same. That seems like a reasonable risk mitigation measure to me.

I would cancel it OP as any one of those vaccinated could pass it on to your DH. You only need one little virus particle to get in to your dh respiratory system and he could be toast. You will literately have to anti back all the surfaces after after one has gone. I wouldn't risk it.

Cancel and wait till warmer weather till you can all be out side.

anti bac**

@MarbleQueen

My DH is not the guest of honour. We’re not just wanting a party.

Yes, he is vulnerable. He also works full time in a people facing role. We do our best, every day, to mitigate the danger but we do have to live.

Everyone does a LFT the morning of the party. Including you and DH. Simple. You have health concerns for your DH so this is reasonable request

We have requested LFT the morning of the get together at 5 pm from everyone. That seems like the best way to go.

What’s clear from reading the replies is that there’s still such a lot of ambiguity on this.

“LFT don’t work; do LFT on the day; do LFT a few days leading up to; cancel; don’t cancel as we’re all mixing every single day with carriers/vaxxed/unvaxxed; stay in shut the door to protect the NHS; resentment from some that if one of us does succumb it’s our own fault because the “vulnerable” ought really to not do anything.

We, DH and I both work out in the community. We have two teachers, a social worker, a nurse and several carers coming. DS works in a busy cafe three afternoons a week and a charity shop one day a week. We ARE out there already.

We’ll ventilate massively. Do lateral flows and hopefully have a lovely time.

I hope your son has a lovely party!

@treesandrocks

The vaxxed can be Covid carriers, just the same as the unvaxxed.

The only way to be safe is for ALL the guests to do lateral flow tests to ensure don't have Covid (there are plenty of vaxxed people in hospital with Covid, as I'm sure you know).

This

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow (lovely name 😂) Is that definitive? Problem is, if it’s actual boosters AS WELL that I insist upon, there’ll be me, DH, DS and one of the teachers. Bit grim.