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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

using own products for teacher's christmas gift?

144 replies

UpsideDownToast · 22/11/2021 16:34

One of the parents at school has decided to organise the christmas gifts for DDs preschool teachers. There are 5 teachers in total.
She's posted on the group WhatsApp asking for donations, "£25 each or more if you can". Then lots of excited messages about how she's "splurged" out shopping, and lots and lots of follow up messages chasing up payments because she's spent so much and is out of pocket.
DH and I stayed silent but handed over the £25 because I figured it was too much of a drama otherwise.
Another parent asked if it was £25 per teacher and the Organiser was (IMO) deliberately vague in her reply, and it looks a lot as if that parent ended up donating £125.
But theoretically if all 25 parents "only" gave £25 each, the kitty would be £600.

I've just found out what she bought the teachers - christmas baubles, a candle, some sweets and an Arbonne lipcare thing.

The Organiser is frequently flogging her small business stuff on the WhatsApp group, and I know that Arbonne is a common MLM so I'm fairly certain that she's a Arbonne rep, or a close friend is. From the value of the other items, it seems that she's earning commission on this, and that this commission is being pocketed rather than set against the kitty.

AIBU to think that putting MLM stuff that you're earning commission on in a communal gift is pretty off?

OP posts:
SusieBob · 22/11/2021 16:35

YANBU.

I would straight up challenge her on it in the whatsapp group.

GreenClock · 22/11/2021 16:36

Wow that’s cringe-making.

Canunot · 22/11/2021 16:45

I would challenge this. She has obviously jumped straight in thinking she can make a quick buck.

£25 is far too much to demand without prior consultation.

drpet49 · 22/11/2021 16:45

I would definitely call her out on this on the group chat.

Magicalwoodlands · 22/11/2021 16:48

Ugh that’s awful but unsurprising. I’ve had something similar with Body Shop. Horrible.

TreeLawney · 22/11/2021 16:52

£25 per family?! That is horrific. I would be so upset about that as a teacher. Never mind the whole commission thing.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 22/11/2021 16:56

I'd be asking questions...

I also would not be paying money unless I'd agreed the amount /present in advance.

Oriunda · 22/11/2021 16:57

I’ve often organised end of year teacher gifts. Most people give £5/10 - never more (state school). I am always utterly transparent over gifts. Usually do gift cards, and I always whatsapp a photo of the receipt and total spent.

I would be asking her exactly what she bought and asking to see receipts. Never let her do this again, either.

saraclara · 22/11/2021 16:57

@TreeLawney

£25 per family?! That is horrific. I would be so upset about that as a teacher. Never mind the whole commission thing.
That.

Over and over on Christmas threads, teachers say that a card expressing thanks or a picture from the kid, is the best gift they can have.

I'd be horrified if one of my parents had demanded £25 from each of the others in my class, to buy me ANYTHING. The Arbonne bit is just the icing on the cake.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 22/11/2021 17:00

A stranger demanded £25 and no one asked what for?!

Barmy! Why did you give it? That’s ridiculous!!

RandomUsernameHere · 22/11/2021 17:02

@GreenClock

Wow that’s cringe-making.
This!
Original poster
UpsideDownToast · 22/11/2021 17:06

I think no one wants to make a drama (this lady has a distinct air about her which makes me think things could get ugly fast).
We'd have been called out directly if we hadn't paid up, I've just sent my best friend screenshots and she says the wording of it all is very manipulative. Obviously can't post here for privacy reasons, but the whole thing is very off.

OP posts:
VioletVesper · 22/11/2021 17:07

@Oriunda

I’ve often organised end of year teacher gifts. Most people give £5/10 - never more (state school). I am always utterly transparent over gifts. Usually do gift cards, and I always whatsapp a photo of the receipt and total spent.

I would be asking her exactly what she bought and asking to see receipts. Never let her do this again, either.

Can I ask why you do this? Not meaning to come across as rude so apologies if I do. I have just personally always found it does more harm than good i.e. it’s awkward for the parents in the group who can’t afford it, creates a drama over whether the children of parents who don’t contribute ‘get to have their name of the card’ making children feel bad when the teacher inevitably thanks the class etc.
SudokuWillNotSaveYou · 22/11/2021 17:07

That’s really wrong. If the kitty is £600 or possibly even more for just five teachers, they could have EACH have had a rather nice day spa voucher for that or something. Tell her very firmly in the WhatsApp that you’d like to see the actual receipts because, even with preschool maths, something isn’t adding up. Or if you’ve seen pictures of the products, Google the prices in your own and then say, “This only adds up to £X per teacher. Where’s the other £400?”

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 22/11/2021 17:07

I'd be saying aw lovely, can we see what you got the teacher? Then I'd be looking up the prices online and asking if she had missed something out as it doesn't seem to amount to £600.

Lindy2 · 22/11/2021 17:08

She's lining her own pockets and should never have bought anything before she knew how much had been donated. You are all absolutely entitled to say that you don't wish to contribute or you wish to donate less than £25. I simply wouldn't put that much in.

I usually put £5 into the Christmas kitty. With 30 kids in DD's class that still provides a perfectly nice and adequate gift for the teacher and TAs.

25 parents giving £5 each would obviously give £25 per teacher. That's enough for flowers, wine and some chocolate each. Job done.

FreeBritnee · 22/11/2021 17:09

Fucking hell over my cold, dead body would I have given her £25.

Meandmini3 · 22/11/2021 17:11

Some people are selfish idiots. Please call her out on it.

SusieBob · 22/11/2021 17:11

@UpsideDownToast

I think no one wants to make a drama (this lady has a distinct air about her which makes me think things could get ugly fast). We'd have been called out directly if we hadn't paid up, I've just sent my best friend screenshots and she says the wording of it all is very manipulative. Obviously can't post here for privacy reasons, but the whole thing is very off.
Well, you can either call her on it or not, but it does sound like she is making a nice little profit out of it.
RoxytheRexy · 22/11/2021 17:12

We had a Body Shop seller try it with our class. Asked for £10 off us each to make a Body Shop hamper for the Teacher Christmas present. A few of us didn’t replay and the idea didn’t have many takers. I thought £10 was cheeky but £25 takes the piss. I don’t spend £25 on people I actually like

Stigsmother · 22/11/2021 17:14

No wonder she volunteered to organise the presents Confused

CloseThePackWithAClickClack · 22/11/2021 17:14

You’re all fucking mental to be giving £25 per teacher and not agreeing where the money in going.

generalh · 22/11/2021 17:17

As a teacher a Christmas card is sufficient. I am in a secondary school so rarely even get a card but teachers don't expect anything.

converseandjeans · 22/11/2021 17:17

£25 is ridiculous. They could each have had £50 voucher plus some booze or whatever. I think avoid in future & just do your own thing. I think £10 would be normal. But never expected.

dabdab · 22/11/2021 17:17

As a teacher I would be horrified to hear that my families were asked / felt obliged to donate so much at any time, but especially at such an expensive time of year.