using own products for teacher's christmas gift?

[UpsideDownToast]

One of the parents at school has decided to organise the christmas gifts for DDs preschool teachers. There are 5 teachers in total.
She's posted on the group WhatsApp asking for donations, "£25 each or more if you can". Then lots of excited messages about how she's "splurged" out shopping, and lots and lots of follow up messages chasing up payments because she's spent so much and is out of pocket.
DH and I stayed silent but handed over the £25 because I figured it was too much of a drama otherwise.
Another parent asked if it was £25 per teacher and the Organiser was (IMO) deliberately vague in her reply, and it looks a lot as if that parent ended up donating £125.
But theoretically if all 25 parents "only" gave £25 each, the kitty would be £600.

I've just found out what she bought the teachers - christmas baubles, a candle, some sweets and an Arbonne lipcare thing.

The Organiser is frequently flogging her small business stuff on the WhatsApp group, and I know that Arbonne is a common MLM so I'm fairly certain that she's a Arbonne rep, or a close friend is. From the value of the other items, it seems that she's earning commission on this, and that this commission is being pocketed rather than set against the kitty.

AIBU to think that putting MLM stuff that you're earning commission on in a communal gift is pretty off?

£27 for 4 cookies is the most refreshing I've ever read on here.

I think it is beyond rude and utterly tone deaf to pressure other parents into giving money for teachers' gifts. So many people struggle just to get by and the whole teacher gift thing is so unnecessary and adds so much guilt at a time that is already stressful for a lot of families. And the ones who are struggling most will be acutely aware that others have more money and will not want their children to be "outed".

Ignoring the MLM aspect, As a teacher I would be furious if I discovered my class’s parents were asked for £25. Even suggested donations of a couple quid add up if you’re on low income and expected to do this for 3 or 4 teachers and TAs.

I think a quiet, discreet discussion with the head would be appropriate.

*ridiculous not refreshing! 😂

Please ignore my random capital A.

I’m slightly annoyed that no one is going to confront the unbelievable MLM twat.

Yeah, do what @Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies and speak to the head if you’re too anxious to confront her on the WhatsApp group.

I'd have ignored her. Honestly.

I purposely haven't joined the class WhatsApp so I can avoid this sort of bullshit.

Nearly 7 quid for a biscuit! Bloody hell, I'm in the wrong job...

It's disgraceful that these MLM shillers push their crappy products - any opportunity to grab money and they'll take it.

Ooh no! As a teacher I can safely say no one I have ever worked with expects anything pricey as a gift, or indeed any gift whatsoever ever.

We generally do the job because we love working with your kids. If you are getting anything something that helps us do that more joyously is perfect.

This was my favourite gift ever, a frog puppet that the children adore! Frogs are very important in the younger cohorts of primary! He is used and loved daily.

That works out to £120 each! Unless it is really all top end stuff, it is hard to see how what she has bought adds up to that?

What does a 6.50 biscuit look like

Yeah for future requests either don't reply or if pressured/cornered just say 'we're sorting our own present thanks' and leave it at that.

YANBU!

@TheLikesofMe

What does a 6.50 biscuit look like

😂

You need to nip this in the bud. If this is a pre school gift, then you could possibly be in the same parent group for the next 8 years!

A quick message to her, one-to-one. "Hi xxx. I was thinking about the group collection and on reflection I feel quite uncomfortable about the size of the gift. Could you clarify how much has been collected and who the funds will be shared amongst. And the cost of each teacher's gifts. The very last thing we want is for some families to feel obligated to over-stretch themselves or feel embarrassed by their separate gift. Thanks".

We'd have been called out directly if we hadn't paid up

So why not just have said that you've made your own arra ngements for teacher gifts?

She may well "have an air about her", but she'll go right on having one if it gets her what she wants

I think there are two separate elements here.

The first is the badgering to pay £25 without prior agreement, and the lack of visibility on what has been contributed vs spent. I agree it's a ridiculous sum, completely unnecessary and piles on financial pressure to families who might have been struggling. Like fuck would I contribute £25 - and I don't care if that makes me unpopular in the parent playground. I'd have just said something like, sorry, I've organised my own gift thanks.

As for MLM - obviously they're a pile of shit and their tactics are a bloody nightmare. However, if the gift bought was something that was genuinely lovely and the teacher would have wanted, I'd have no issue with the organising parent earning some commission from the sale. For example, I know Body Shop is a big MLM but lots of people really like Body Shop products. If the money was used to buy the teacher some Body Shop stuff she liked, I wouldn't really care too much if the organiser benefitted from it. Having said that, I would expect them to pass on a bit of their discount though so we could get more for the teacher for the same money. Wherever you buy stuff from, someone profits, I'm not sure that it matters if it's the person organising it - but that's on the proviso that everyone agrees to the gift and it's genuinely a great present for the teacher.

As an aside, I got added to an MLM group chat accidentally a while back (crossed wires as similar names) and I didn't leave. I pop in occasionally and marvel at the absolute bullshit they all chat between themselves. They honestly have convinced themselves they're all "mompreneurs".

Not sure if I've missed a comment but is it possible that most people didn't donate and you were on of 3 or 4?
Maybe others were prepared to call her out.

Still a Cf for using her own products though.

£25 is way too much!!

It should be no more than £5. Some parents have more than one child.

I would have refused.
The teacher is not going to treat you or your child any different for not giving them £25.

I wonder if she has coordinated with friends who sell homemade candles and overpriced cookies. They could hit three different schools that way!

I had to know so I googled and sure enough there is a bakery in the south of England selling a box of six biscuits for £28.

A skittery box of six small biscuits cut into the shapes of a car, a house-tiny frontage-and Christmas trees.

Why do I not live in a world where I could hand over nearly £30 for bog standard biscuits in a recycled box.

I could eat them in 4 minutes and still look for a hob-nob.

£25 each- say 30 kids in a class.... flip sorry no far too much .

I don’t really see how you can call her out when you have no idea how many people contributed and how much. You shouldn’t have handed over a penny and I suspect lots of people didn’t. £25 is fucking mental.

@Gazelda

You need to nip this in the bud. If this is a pre school gift, then you could possibly be in the same parent group for the next 8 years!

A quick message to her, one-to-one. "Hi xxx. I was thinking about the group collection and on reflection I feel quite uncomfortable about the size of the gift. Could you clarify how much has been collected and who the funds will be shared amongst. And the cost of each teacher's gifts. The very last thing we want is for some families to feel obligated to over-stretch themselves or feel embarrassed by their separate gift. Thanks".

I agree with @Gazelda, that’s a good message. She needs to feel the heat and explain herself (regardless of the MLM element).

Now you’ve worked out what items are likely to have cost OP I’d ask her very directly but politely for an exact list of what she has bought item by item, where each item is from and how much each thing cost. Perhaps you could all ask separately for the information.

I was focussing on the MLM issue but it would be interesting to know where the rest of the money is. My guess is the balance is already in Arbonne’s account and she’ll be topping up any gift with more of that.