using own products for teacher's christmas gift?

[UpsideDownToast]

One of the parents at school has decided to organise the christmas gifts for DDs preschool teachers. There are 5 teachers in total.
She's posted on the group WhatsApp asking for donations, "£25 each or more if you can". Then lots of excited messages about how she's "splurged" out shopping, and lots and lots of follow up messages chasing up payments because she's spent so much and is out of pocket.
DH and I stayed silent but handed over the £25 because I figured it was too much of a drama otherwise.
Another parent asked if it was £25 per teacher and the Organiser was (IMO) deliberately vague in her reply, and it looks a lot as if that parent ended up donating £125.
But theoretically if all 25 parents "only" gave £25 each, the kitty would be £600.

I've just found out what she bought the teachers - christmas baubles, a candle, some sweets and an Arbonne lipcare thing.

The Organiser is frequently flogging her small business stuff on the WhatsApp group, and I know that Arbonne is a common MLM so I'm fairly certain that she's a Arbonne rep, or a close friend is. From the value of the other items, it seems that she's earning commission on this, and that this commission is being pocketed rather than set against the kitty.

AIBU to think that putting MLM stuff that you're earning commission on in a communal gift is pretty off?

I wouldn't hand over any amount money to another parent for teacher gifts but certainly not £25 to be spent in that person's business

I sometimes wish I could experience these cheeky fuckers amongst school mums just to be the one to show everyone else the way!!

Perhaps I should just be grateful that I don't have to deal with the drama.

I know you've given it now, but don't be drawn into doing it again if you do t want to. Noone should feel obliged to give to any type of collection they don't want to and certainly shouldn't be shamed I to doing so. If she calls people out,so what! It's about time someone called her out on her pocket lining enterprises...

Why do I not live in a world where I could hand over nearly £30 for bog standard biscuits in a recycled box.

@TheLikesofMe it’s easier to enter the £30 biscuit world if you’re spending other people’s money like the parent in the OP

Bloody hell, that is so inappropriate on so many levels.

That is very true @YouokHun but looking at them, I still think it would be hard to hand over anyone's money for them.

I think you absolutely need to ask her to clarify what she has spent the money on.
On the group thread as it is relevant to everyone who contributed.

'For the sake of transparency, accountability and reassurance, please could you show the receipts for the presents you have bought the teaching staff as I'm sure you will agree that for £25 we should be aware of how the collection has been spent, thanks'.

Its that easy, and if she hates you for it ... so what??? It will be a good riddance from the primary years for you.

@DomPom47

I would speak to the Head and ask that something be said about parents and collections especially at £25. For me personally this is way too high and if you have more than one child it all adds up.

I think this is the best option, @UpsideDownToast - it avoids you being seen as the one questioning things, but should get it nipped in the bud.

Mummy bullies are the mail resonates I have never joined the pre school/ school WhatsApp

I'm so glad that my children's schools have never had parent reps or anyone that takes it upon themselves to dictate to others.

Please stand up to her. This is absolutely ridiculous. If nobody does, then she'll continue to do it year on year. She needs taking down a peg or two.

I’m reading “£6.50 biscuit”

In “$5 milkshake” voice

OP I’d happily take her down for you I’ve had the Monday-est Monday ever and I’d love someone to bollock right now.

Report to the head. Fucking outrageous

I bet almost everyone in the group was hoping that someone else would have the cojones to stand up to MLM Mum.... and noone did, so you all suffered. Next time, speak up, you might even make some new friends.

If you really can't face speaking up, it might be worth emailing the head and asking if parents could be reminded not to do this sort of thing. If the head is a wet lettuce as well, though, she'll probably just bleat that parents do what they please.

You never challenged her over the £25 and you were happy for her to do what you thought would be schlepping around to get them something. It didn't turn out like you hoped. That's life.

I’m one of only 3 families in the class that has declined to give £25 to a self appointed parent rep to buy Christmas gifts for the teacher. I feel like a total rebel but I think it’s cheeky AF! I’ll choose my own gifts and amount to spend thanks!

@Ilikecheeseontoast

I’m one of only 3 families in the class that has declined to give £25 to a self appointed parent rep to buy Christmas gifts for the teacher. I feel like a total rebel but I think it’s cheeky AF! I’ll choose my own gifts and amount to spend thanks!

Bloody good for you!

That is nothing short of robbery.
I'm sorry but teachers are paid a good salary for doing their job.
I think a genuine thank you and a card is quite sufficient as a thank you.

That’s really not on - transparency is key.

DD’s class collection is optional, amounts vary but predominantly £5-£10 each. Last year she got a £100 voucher her favourite restaurant, a new handbag, a gin hamper and flowers.
Every receipt was posted in the group chat.

I voted YABU because despite the misgivings you appeared to have, you still gave her £25 instead of just buying a little gift yourself.
I’m a teacher, and I’d be very upset to think that some parents felt pressured into joining in with a gift kitty. I don’t want presents, that’s not why I teach. My best gift is a fake cactus plant made out of a stuffed sports sock wrapped in tin foil for the pot- I kid you not!

@Maverick66

That is nothing short of robbery. I'm sorry but teachers are paid a good salary for doing their job. I think a genuine thank you and a card is quite sufficient as a thank you.

Interesting spin - I’m part time, at the top of the main pay scale, so for my 2 days work get paid for 13 hours - on paper this equals £30 an hour for 39 weeks. However, I actually work 7.30 - 5 in school each day (no break at lunchtime) plus about 3 hours extra every week to keep up with my workload. So that’s 22 hours a week. Suddenly my hourly rate falls to £17 an hour. Finally, this academic year I’ve also worked 2 full days in the summer holiday, 1 day in October half term and will probably do 1 day in each of the holidays, so that’s another 7 days - maybe 35 hours.

When you break it down, the average teacher’s pay isn’t that great for a graduate salary.

I'd be asking to see receipts of how the money was spent

You're assuming everyone gave £25.
I reckon absolutely bare minimum people gave £25!

That is really cheeky.
£25 is a lot of money for a Christmas kitty.

This is actually theft? You've contributed in good faith and she needs to be transparent in the WhatsApp group about what she has bought.

It's entirely normal for an organiser to show receipts / show the gifts and explain pricing and what she has spent

A simple

'Hi Sarah! Look forward to seeing what was bought with the £600+ donated. Like the look of the candle and biscuits etc so far....'

Ah well, you live and learn. You're prepared for what's to come at school now. Honestly £5-£10, absolute maximum and us teachers sincerely do not expect a single thing.

£7 a biscuit though, fuck me.

I doubt everyone paid £25. Most will probably have accidentally forgotten or made excuses.

I'd be speaking to my head if a parent informed me that another parent was trying to guilt trip parents into handing over money, and promoting MLMs via school. It's awful behaviour and something the school needs to be aware of so they can explain they won't tolerate parents pushing others for money.