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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm being taken for a mug aren't I?

104 replies

Jgdryiiubcdrg · 22/11/2021 16:14

Been seeing this guy for about a month, not long at all but things have moved quite quickly. See each other a lot, talk on the phone for hours every day etc. So it's been quite intense

He's a bit down on his luck right now, was made homeless by his ex, is in a flat now but struggling to get back on his feet etc.

Twice in the last week he has asked to borrow money from me. £15 the first time, £10 the second. I've said no both times.

He knows I'm a single parent and don't really have cash to spare. I thought we were getting on really well but this seems like a massive red flag to me, he's trying to use me isn't he?

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 22/11/2021 16:16

Oh yes!

Enough4me · 22/11/2021 16:16

Dump, move to someone reliable as you don't need this in your life.

supremelybaffled · 22/11/2021 16:17

He'll be wanting to move in with you next, you mark my words...

Aprilx · 22/11/2021 16:20

Yes that seems a bit much for this soon.

TheQueef · 22/11/2021 16:22

Swerve this one.

HollowTalk · 22/11/2021 16:22

The thing is that if he's asking you, he's already asked a lot of other people and they've said no.

froggy1811 · 22/11/2021 16:22

He could be, but the only way to really find out is by doing exactly as you have been doing and telling him a flat "No".

If he suddenly loses interest in you when you've several times refused to hand cash/credit over then you have your answer! If on the other hand, he continues to treat you well despite your refusal to give him money, then he's probably just a bit 'hard up'!

I absolutely agree with you for being suspicious though; and applaud you for saying No to him - simply in case he IS a bit of a sponger! Time will tell, I suppose. And
If he is a wrongen, he might be trying to 'test' you now, to see how easy it is to manipulate you! Do you know why he split up with his ex? Was it financially related?

SaturdaySummer · 22/11/2021 16:23

@Jgdryiiubcdrg

Been seeing this guy for about a month, not long at all but things have moved quite quickly. See each other a lot, talk on the phone for hours every day etc. So it's been quite intense

He's a bit down on his luck right now, was made homeless by his ex, is in a flat now but struggling to get back on his feet etc.

Twice in the last week he has asked to borrow money from me. £15 the first time, £10 the second. I've said no both times.

He knows I'm a single parent and don't really have cash to spare. I thought we were getting on really well but this seems like a massive red flag to me, he's trying to use me isn't he?

Get out now. Red flags all over the place here. You deserve better
samesign · 22/11/2021 16:23

Don't lend it, if he's having to ask to borrow then he can't afford to pay it back, tell him to use a bank not you.
He's not in the position to have a new relationship if he's this much trouble, I'd let this one go.

MaskingForIt · 22/11/2021 16:24

Did he lose his job because of his “crazy ex” too?

Original poster
Jgdryiiubcdrg · 22/11/2021 16:24

@froggy1811 thanks for that. I'm not sure what to do, we get on really well and I do find it hard to say no - I'm a bit of a people pleaser.

I'm not sure why they spilt, I just know that she owned her house outright so when they split he had nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
Jgdryiiubcdrg · 22/11/2021 16:26

@SaturdaySummer yeah you're probably right. My ex was emotionally abusive so I was happy when I thought I found someone who I clicked with but looks like just another asshole :/

OP posts:
pastypirate · 22/11/2021 16:26

Early onset cocklodger alert!!!

minou123 · 22/11/2021 16:27

A month?!!

No way. The money is a red flag, but so is the "intense" part.

Run. Run for the hills.

Triffid1 · 22/11/2021 16:28

"Made homeless by his ex" is a phrase that would have me running screaming for the hills. They broke up. He moved out of her house. She didn't "make him homeless". That screams "I think I'm a victim and you must be nice to me". Red flags all over the place.

And, no matter how great your early days of the relationship are, if you are the only person who can lend him a tenner.... what does that say about him?

Xiaoxiong · 22/11/2021 16:28

Nooo your most recent messages are sad! Don't be sad! You be PROUD of yourself. You saw the red flags! You asserted your boundaries and said no to him pushing those boundaries.

I think you're awesome!

Draggondragon · 22/11/2021 16:28

Bloody hell. If someone was that desperate for the cost of a coffee and cake I would probably give it to them and then block. Anyone who is that desperate is desperate. It's not like being on holiday in Africa and being targeted by an 18 year old.

froggy1811 · 22/11/2021 16:28

Hmm well, as I say continue in the same vein and observe his behaviour! If you can somehow find out why they split (and I mean, not just his version of events) it could be quite telling! Then again, he may genuinely just be completely skint and have friends/family who are all in the same position!

Does he have a job?

clatterclatter · 22/11/2021 16:29

@pastypirate

Early onset cocklodger alert!!!
Ding ding ding we have a winner! Got it in one!
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 22/11/2021 16:30

not a great catch .. throw it back into the sea. he may be a lovely bloke, but..... it's a big but. ... that is one cheeky fucker after a few dates, however well you are getting on. and anyone in their right mind wold have a bit more about them than to show these particular colours this quiclkly. dump

TiredButDancing · 22/11/2021 16:30

Does he have DC? Because I'm thinking this is my BIL. Grin And if so, RUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN.

Definitely onset cocklodger alert - before you know it, he'll be moving in because he's got nowhere else to go. He'll also manage to make it so that somehow YOU think this is YOUR suggestion and that you're just helping him out.

Original poster
Jgdryiiubcdrg · 22/11/2021 16:31

@Xiaoxiong thank you I think I needed to hear that. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself!

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 22/11/2021 16:32

and yes.. he IS trying to use you. But he can't can he, cus you have seen it. Well done.

Original poster
Jgdryiiubcdrg · 22/11/2021 16:34

@Draggondragon if I was well if I probably would to but as it stands I've got £30 to last me another 3 weeks until I get paid so I'm not really in the position to lend him the money even if he is desperate

OP posts:
notacooldad · 22/11/2021 16:35

Awww Too bad, so sad , but get shut.