I'm being taken for a mug aren't I?

[Jgdryiiubcdrg]

Been seeing this guy for about a month, not long at all but things have moved quite quickly. See each other a lot, talk on the phone for hours every day etc. So it's been quite intense

He's a bit down on his luck right now, was made homeless by his ex, is in a flat now but struggling to get back on his feet etc.

Twice in the last week he has asked to borrow money from me. £15 the first time, £10 the second. I've said no both times.

He knows I'm a single parent and don't really have cash to spare. I thought we were getting on really well but this seems like a massive red flag to me, he's trying to use me isn't he?

Life's too short. Just not worth the grief.

He needs somewhere to live and a source of funds. He thinks you’re desperate for male attention and would be useful, hence the love-bombing.

Prove him wrong by calmly and politely telling him that the relationship isn’t working for you and you’re ending it. Wish him well, and then block.

He’s not being nice, he’s love bombing. Even that instant click is a red flag. And totally agree with @Xiaoxiong, you didn’t lend him money and you’ve spotted it all!

He’s not being nice, he’s love bombing. Even that instant click is a red flag.

I so wish I had known this when I was 18.

Some men literally have this as their career OP. Literally a career, they don’t work. They will move from woman to woman, they will be with somebody but if they meet a woman who can provide them a better package they will be gone. Sorry OP.

Needing £10 would make him a bad catch even if everything else about him was genuine.

I don't require a man to be rich or high-earning, but I do require him to be solvent and financially responsible.

An adult man who is financially responsible will usually be able to access either savings or credit in order to tide him over in a lean month. If he is at the limit of his overdraft, has used up all available balance on his credit card, has exhausted the goodwill of his close family and friends, and STILL needs a tenner from you, what the fuck kind of man is he?

He's an adult who is presumably able to work for a living, and he's also presumably been living rent free with his ex. He has zero excuse for being skint. None whatsoever.

It's not 'judgemental' to discriminate when choosing a partner. Who you attach yourself to is a big decision, and you need to choose wisely.

I wouldn't even ask my best friend of 20+ years for money unless I was literally destitute and couldnt feed/house/care for my kids otherwise. I certainly wouldn't be asking someone I've only known a month!

Ooh. Love bombing, no money, hinting to stay at yours, asking to borrow money in such a new relationship??

No!!! The hills are that way >>>>

You might want to do the Freedom Programme to help you weed out this kind of man in future - though it looks like your survival instinct is working here!

Ah! He’s testing the waters!

You know what would make it so much easier OP? If he just moved in! I mean then he’d not be wasting money on rent, and you two would get to spend more time together and he could help out. He hates asking for money and won’t do it again, he’s just REALLY struggling and is embarrassed to be so skint. He feels like a failure but he’s a good guy who can’t seem to catch a break.

You coming into his life! - Well you can’t imagine what it’s like after his toxic ex to meet a wonderful, kind, grown-up woman - and one he fancies the pants off too 🤣🥰

Two years on you'll find yourself hanging out his grundies yet again while he snores after spending most of the night on his phone/game/out, wondering wtf happened.

Thank god you’ve copped on!

Next!

Glad you said no, and I'd distance yourself from this individual. He is using you.

"I just know that she owned her house outright so when they split he had nothing"

His narrative.

So was he was a nil contributer or is he a victim you need ti rescue.

Id never move on with someone so fresh out of a relationship.

Run away pronto!

@Jgdryiiubcdrg

Yay! Well done for spotting the red flags. Be proud of yourself.

Now dump him and be even more proud of yourself.

@LightDrizzle

Ah! He’s testing the waters!

You know what would make it so much easier OP? If he just moved in! I mean then he’d not be wasting money on rent, and you two would get to spend more time together and he could help out. He hates asking for money and won’t do it again, he’s just REALLY struggling and is embarrassed to be so skint. He feels like a failure but he’s a good guy who can’t seem to catch a break.

You coming into his life! - Well you can’t imagine what it’s like after his toxic ex to meet a wonderful, kind, grown-up woman - and one he fancies the pants off too 🤣🥰

Two years on you'll find yourself hanging out his grundies yet again while he snores after spending most of the night on his phone/game/out, wondering wtf happened.

Thank god you’ve copped on!

Next!

Wow. You really nailed BIL here.

Red flags all over it - I wish Mumsnet was something I knew about when I met my ex! He'd been made homeless by his crazy ex, left him with nothing, he loved me within 3 weeks and moved in within 3 months. I definitely lived to regret it as he was a cocklodging abuser.

Take a step back, say no to lending him money and see what he does - that will give you your answer xx

He doesn't sound like much of a prize even without the mooching.

@Triffid1

"Made homeless by his ex" is a phrase that would have me running screaming for the hills. They broke up. He moved out of her house. She didn't "make him homeless". That screams "I think I'm a victim and you must be nice to me". Red flags all over the place.

And, no matter how great your early days of the relationship are, if you are the only person who can lend him a tenner.... what does that say about him?

All of this.

he was made homeless by his ex

If I met anyone who revealed that to me in the early days, I’d be proceeding with caution and not diving in “intensely”.

I’d question whether he really was made homeless or, if she did effectively throw him out, what made her do that….trust your instincts.

Alonelonelyloner:

Telling a man you do not want to live together for a good few years is more of a test to weed out the users and cocklodgers. It is possible to move in earlier or whenever you want if he has a job and pays his way. But if he shows early signs of asking for money and/or not being able to stick at a job then make it clear there will be no living together any time soon, if he is only after a place to live he will move on to another woman, if he genuinely likes you he will accept it and not sponge off you. I am often astounded at the posts on here where a man is living with a woman and he doesn't have a job.

Well he isn't going to buy you flowers is he OP ?

So when is he moving in?

Functioning people don’t get made homeless by their ex. I’m sure some will take issue with that but I think it’s true. The relationship ends, they find somewhere to live and move out. I moved to a major city to live with my ex. It was his flat and he dumped me after six months. He went to stay with friends while I sorted something out. I’d found an en-suite room in a shared house and moved into it by the end of the week. I wasn’t a professional person but I had a decent job and had my shit together. That’s how it works.

You’ll ruin your life if you pursue this one. I guarantee it.

@LondonWolf you are spot on.

Women are made to feel like they're being judgemental, high maintenance or fussy if they expect a man to have his shit together, but it's actually the bare minimum expectation for a functioning adult.

It's just occurred to me that OP didn't say if he even works, or if so what as

Not that would be interesting to know ...

@Draggondragon

Bloody hell. If someone was that desperate for the cost of a coffee and cake I would probably give it to them and then block. Anyone who is that desperate is desperate. It's not like being on holiday in Africa and being targeted by an 18 year old.

What a bizarre post 😳