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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want my mat leave plus promotion

299 replies

MiniPumpkin · 21/11/2021 21:04

Need to post this to get some perspective or give my head a wobble.. whatever you all think ..
So been with large organisation for 10 years, promoted posts are few and far between, to put into context it has come up three times in the 10 years I’ve been there, including during my mat leave with dc1. Now on mat leave with dc2 it’s come up again. I want the job, always have and I’m pretty career driven but of course I also want my mat leave to continue. I want what I am entitled to which is my entire maternity leave. And I want promotion. If I get it they will want me back early.
I’m just sick of well, being female ? Woman’s careers are so disadvantaged if you ask me, I turned down a job (with another organisation) when ttc with dc1 as I wouldn’t get as good mat leave pay.. then of course you can’t go anywhere/leave when pregnant as you will lose the maternity pay. Now I feel I want this job but feel I will just be discriminated against, I wont get it as they will just say I didn’t do as well because they will no doubt prefer to give it to someone not on mat leave.
Not even sure of point in this post, I need somewhere to vent and get perspective. I feel like saying stuff it and just wait till my mat leave is over but who knows when the next opportunity will be and it really annoys me…

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 22/11/2021 08:20

Apply for it. We promote women when they are on mat leave and when they are about to take mat leave.

We want the right person for the job and will wait for them. If we recruited externally we would have to wait weeks/months before they could join anyway.

LethargicActress · 22/11/2021 08:23

Be honest. Do you really think you deserve this promotion when you’re only still at the same company so you can take advantage of the maternity leave benefits?

PinkWednesdays · 22/11/2021 08:23

No, just go for it. I got a promotion whilst on maternity (I made it clear I wanted it before I went on maternity (and indeed before pregnant) and whilst on maternity, put the application in).

I got the promotion and am still taking the full year. Full year of maternity leave in the context of your working career and what you’re capable of (if you’re good at your job) is completely irrelevant. It shouldn’t matter anyway in the first place.

Xmasprrssiehelp · 22/11/2021 08:24

I was turned down for a promotion on maternity leave and was given a rubbish personal review score when I returned which meant I didn’t get my usual bonus.

I only took 6 months off. Only 5 months of the bonus period. Wasn’t ill with my pregnancy, and delivered a bunch of projects the the 9 months I wasn’t on maternity that made the company a lot of money, it was a law firm.

I left in the end, my confidence was completely shot when I returned. In my performance review they said I could only have a low score as I had not worked the full year.

I got an external promotion and haven’t looked back.

Dexy007 · 22/11/2021 08:25

@BonnesVacances women must of course take the first few months of mat leave to recover. But it is the law in the UK (and has been for some time) that parents can split their parental leave as they see fit. The problem is that many parents don't want too. You do often see one parent wanting to stay off for a whole year even when the paid element of their parental leave has run out and they are on SMP/SPP.

And then the cycle the parents have created continues. The hierarchy has been established. The default parent (sick days, pick up, drop off) has been selected by the parents and it's hard to shake it off.

It is not that men 'get' to have children without their careers suffering it is that women start families with men who do not respect them and their career or that women voluntarily sacrifice their own career for their husband's.

I am not denying that sex based discrimination exists - god in my industry it is rife. But it is not the fault of the employer if a woman or a man chooses to stay home on parental leave for 12 m and let their spouse go back to work.

PinkWednesdays · 22/11/2021 08:25

In my performance review they said I could only have a low score as I had not worked the full year

Isn’t that discrimination?

TractorAndHeadphones · 22/11/2021 08:30

@Soontobe60 where’s your source for employees on mat leave legally needing to be informed of possible promotions?

SoftPillow · 22/11/2021 08:31

Do apply.

You have the right to maternity leave.

Your employer has the right to employ the best person for the job, and to start it when they need to. If you don't want to cut your maternity short (if they need you to for this new role) then you can go back to your old job.

Anyone I know who has been promoted whilst on mat leave has come back early. Not super early, but after 6 months or so.

SoupDragon · 22/11/2021 08:31

Men get to have children and it doesn't affect their promotion opportunities. Why should women be treated differently just because they have to carry the baby?

Men generally don't take shared parental leave. Obviously the pregnancy related maternity leave and the part for recovery afterwards must be taken by the woman but, unless sharing becomes the norm, it is inevitable that there is some kind of detriment.

Men taking the latter half of the leave as shared parental leave needs to become the norm for things to begin to equal out.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/11/2021 08:34

OP google the equality act.

It is illegal for them not to consider you for promotion because you are on mat leave. Legally they have to give you the same chance as if you weren't on mat leave/ as everyone else. The only exception to this as far as I'm aware is if the role is time critical eg they need someone to manage a project such as a merger that is happening on a set date.

Attitudes such as this one wind me up "It's probably churlish of me but I got no maternity pay, worked up to 39 weeks and was back at work 6 weeks after a c-seaction and did it twice so it's hard for me to see you as hard done". Just because you lived somewhere with no mat pay or chose to go down this route or whatever circumstances were at the time, does not mean that it's ok for people to be discriminated against during pregnancy.

I've found this thread so depressing that on a site where the majority of posters will be women who work, there are so many similar views. I have found this in the workforce as well, I wasn't given the pay review that I was entitled to when I was on mat leave, which is illegal, I work for a big 'family friendly'organisation with HR but the two HR ladies I was up against were older and had very short mat leaves and didn't want to give me what I was entitled to because 'it didn't seem fair' that I was 'getting work benefits when I hadn't even been working'. It doesn't matter what they think, when it's the law!

SoftPillow · 22/11/2021 08:35

@BonnesVacances

It wouldn't be discriminatory. If OP interviewed, was offered the role and the needs of the business means that it needs to start in 2 months, but the OP didn't want to start then, that's her decision to decline.

It would be discriminatory to not let her interview, or do deny her the role simply because she's on maternity, but not for the business to say 'I need someone in post in x months'.

This happens all the time with notice period. Bob might be the most skilled person for the job but he has a 3 month notice period, so we offer the role to Susan who can start in 6 weeks. Some roles are business critical, we can't wait and we can't hire a cover for a few months.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/11/2021 08:36

In my performance review they said I could only have a low score as I had not worked the full year

Isn’t that discrimination?

Yes this is discrimination and I had the same thing, went in armed with citizens advice and other print outs, and now my company have changed their HR advice to make clear that your performance score should be your performance from the time you were in work if you worked a fair amount of time, or your average performance score otherwise

RIPIgglePiggle · 22/11/2021 08:37

@Dexy007

I’m taking 12 months off. Not because my partners career is more important than mine. He earns the same as I do. Because I carried my baby, I gave birth to him and once I was off on maternity leave I decided to stay off for the full year because I love spending time with him and the nature of my work means it’s difficult to be part time or flexible when I go back so I’m enjoying the time I have while it lasts. I could have split it with my partner but he was happy for me to have the time if I wanted and I did.

We are all working longer hours and until older ages. I don’t understand why people get so snitty about women taking their entitled maternity leave which is a drop in the ocean of their working life.

I’m sure we have very different jobs but emotional intelligence and empathy is really important in what I do and I value that in people that I interview for promotion. I’ve got some staff who will work all hours but frankly aren’t as good some others who have a better balance. I’ve also dealt with more stressed out staff that I can recount because they don’t prioritise their families and it ends in tears.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/11/2021 08:37

And being informed of proportion to answer a PP is a legal requirement- it's on citizens advice, equality org, maternity action etc just Google discrimination on maternity leave

PinkWednesdays · 22/11/2021 08:38

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

Well said. Maternity leave is only a year, and even being paid a decent wage is not common, yet because some women were hard done by or chose to go back early, they judge others who want to take a full year and not have their career affected.

Rather than going on about how it should be split with men so women can go back to work early, maybe we should focus on continuing to ensure women aren’t discriminated in any way for having a baby and choosing to spend a year at home with that baby…

PinkWednesdays · 22/11/2021 08:43

@RIPIgglePiggle Exactly the same with me. We planned to do some shared parental and for me to go back when DS is 10 months old, but DH sees just how much I am enjoying being with and bonding with DS, that he offered to not take any time off. Im now going back when DS is 13 months.

I also work in a demanding job, and was promoted whilst on maternity, so I sure as hell am going to spend as much time together as possible before career takes over again. I realise I am privileged for being in a financial position where we can do this and how lucky I am.

Chocoqueen · 22/11/2021 08:43

@RIPIgglePiggle

OP I had sextuplets by C section and was back to work the next day as I thought it was taking the piss to luxuriate on statutory maternity pay for months on end.

Please check your privilege

You waited until the next day? Slacker 😁😁
SpinsForGin · 22/11/2021 08:44

You choose to have two children and have two maternity leaves. If you are out on maternity, it’s unlikely you will be offered a promotion when they need someone now. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

And we wonder why women are still disadvantaged in the labour market.

Dexy007 I really hope you are not involved in the recruitment of staff. If you are, and you actually put into practice the things you've said here then you are guilty of discrimination based on sex.

The reasons why couples don't use shared parental leave is not as simple as you suggest and if you are going to discriminate against women for not sharing maternity leave with their partners then it's just a court case waiting to happen.

Dexy007 · 22/11/2021 08:44

@RIPIgglePiggle this is just what I am talking about though. You earn the same and despite having a husband that sounds lovely and supportive you've decided it's only your career that has to suffer. We build these rods for our own backs. Things will never change.

GattoFantastico · 22/11/2021 08:44

@Dexy007 spot on.
The reason that usually seem to be given for couples choosing not to transfer part of the leave is that the woman doesn't want to transfer even a few months of the year. Sometimes couples say it's a financial thing (that the few months taken by the father mean the couple won't have quite as much money coming in) but tbh, the woman would be back at work on full salary (whereas if she's taking the last few months of a year long leave she's likely to be on nothing or very little) Even if there's a slight shortfall for say, 3 months that the father takes, I think that's more than compensated for by the fact the father has that fantastic 1:1 time truly knowing what looking after a child is like. And most importantly, as Dexy says, it's setting the pattern and expectations. A father who's had even just 12 weeks off work looking after the child is far more likely to continue to be more involved and understanding of the realities than a father who has never had that time.
Transferable leave is something many of us 'oldies' would have loved. I just wish it had been an option when dh and I had babies.

gogohm · 22/11/2021 08:44

All depends on the position, if it's vacant I get they cannot wait 6 months to fill it, hardly fair on the person whose stepped up covering it either who no doubt will end up back at their lower job.

SickAndTiredAgain · 22/11/2021 08:45

There’s nothing to say they won’t wait, you’re already on mat leave so must have less than a year left? How long until your planned return?
I got a new job at a new company on mat leave, they just waited until the end of my leave. This wasn’t that difficult, I had about 4 months of leave left but was a three month notice period anyway. So mat leave or not they’d have been waiting three months. If they hire someone externally for the role you want they may have a long notice period, so might not be available that much earlier than you depending on how far through your leave you are.

Snuggledupforwinter · 22/11/2021 08:46

Apply for the job! Then if they offer discuss return date.

Dexy007 · 22/11/2021 08:46

I am not discriminating on the basis of sex, I have been very clear that I wouldn't be impressed with this from a male or a female employee. If I had a male employee who took 2 x 12 month stints of paternity leave so his wife could get back to work asap I wouldn't be promoting him either to be honest!

You are boxing at shadows. Read what I said.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/11/2021 08:47

@LethargicActress

Be honest. Do you really think you deserve this promotion when you’re only still at the same company so you can take advantage of the maternity leave benefits?
Jesus christ.