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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want my mat leave plus promotion

299 replies

MiniPumpkin · 21/11/2021 21:04

Need to post this to get some perspective or give my head a wobble.. whatever you all think ..
So been with large organisation for 10 years, promoted posts are few and far between, to put into context it has come up three times in the 10 years I’ve been there, including during my mat leave with dc1. Now on mat leave with dc2 it’s come up again. I want the job, always have and I’m pretty career driven but of course I also want my mat leave to continue. I want what I am entitled to which is my entire maternity leave. And I want promotion. If I get it they will want me back early.
I’m just sick of well, being female ? Woman’s careers are so disadvantaged if you ask me, I turned down a job (with another organisation) when ttc with dc1 as I wouldn’t get as good mat leave pay.. then of course you can’t go anywhere/leave when pregnant as you will lose the maternity pay. Now I feel I want this job but feel I will just be discriminated against, I wont get it as they will just say I didn’t do as well because they will no doubt prefer to give it to someone not on mat leave.
Not even sure of point in this post, I need somewhere to vent and get perspective. I feel like saying stuff it and just wait till my mat leave is over but who knows when the next opportunity will be and it really annoys me…

OP posts:
Ericaequites · 22/11/2021 07:40

I’m not saying OP can’t apply. Often, a firm needs someone to fit in right away, and you could be expected to start earlier during planned maternity leave. It’s quite unethical to lie about when you would be able to return to work.

kirinm · 22/11/2021 07:41

@Rangoon

It's probably churlish of me but I got no maternity pay, worked up to 39 weeks and was back at work 6 weeks after a c-seaction and did it twice so it's hard for me to see you as hard done by.
Why did you do that?
AnkleDeep · 22/11/2021 07:41

It was your choice to have children. Your workplace will want someone now not in the future. YABVU.

LakieLady · 22/11/2021 07:43

Wow, @Dexy007, that's some great sex discrimination you've got going on there!

Switch82 · 22/11/2021 07:46

If you were an external candidate I imagine you would have 2 perhaps even 3 interviews? Then on top of that a notice period let’s say of at least 8 weeks even 12 weeks.

I would not assume anything - companies want the best people for the job. Please still go for it.

olivehater · 22/11/2021 07:47

DH is in recruitment and it has never been a better time to be female. Especially large companies. He regularly gets female only candidates instructions. He had also got a quite a few jobs for pregnant candidates recently and it has’nt been a problem. They offer just accept they have to wait a bit to get them but they often do for other reasons anyway so not a major problem.
Just saying I think you should go for it and you might be surprised

reluctantbrit · 22/11/2021 07:49

Apply. Unless you have stiff internal competition you need to remember that external canidates often come with longer notice period and the costs are high. Employers may be willing to wait for a couple of months for you to come back.

It's not allowed to ask but I would be pro-active and come up with your plan how to deal with your work in future. A canidate who is open about how childcare is organised, how the partner is already involved and that you are are of travel or meeting obligations you can't just cancel because of a closed. nursery is helpful.

Too often women are just assuming it's their responsibility to sort out child related emergencies. In our family it was more DH would would cover than me purely because his work is more flexible than mine.

EllaVaNight · 22/11/2021 07:51

But a man with two kids wouldn't be disadvantaged at all, that's the point. It is automatically assumed that the woman takes the mat leave and the hit to her carer But thats what the OP is doing. She could choose to have a shorter maternity leave like plenty of women do.

OP can you and your partner split parental leave? That's what we did and I got a promotion whilst on parental leave. I've been very clear about us having equal roles from day one though.

Summersdreaming · 22/11/2021 07:51

Go for the promotion, if you are successful then negotiate the mat leave, but decide which is more important before you do. Balancing a career and children is bloody hard and sometimes you have to put one above the other, to a much greater extent than most men do. When I was studying I had to sit an exam between my grandads death and his funeral, I submitted assignments on a hospital chair when my daughter was in hospital, and hotel balconies while dd was at the beach with her dad. I did it to get where I am now, and I would do the same again. But if your mat leave is priority no.1 then the promotion might not be yours this time, that's life sometimes.

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/11/2021 07:55

Do you have a partner? Why not do shared parental leave for the remainder of your maternity leave if they definitely require you back? I don’t believe you should be discriminated against but if they require you back as the role needs someone now then it’s difficult.

LawnFever · 22/11/2021 07:56

Apply for the job, currently in my team a woman on maternity leave was given a promotion which is being covered temporarily until she’s back.

They’re not asking her to come back early.

You’re only being unreasonable to make all these negative assumptions instead of thinking positively.

Go for the role, good luck!!

LawnFever · 22/11/2021 07:59

But thats what the OP is doing. She could choose to have a shorter maternity leave like plenty of women do.

Why does she even need to take a shorter maternity leave? If she gets the role they’ll need to cover it temporarily until she’s back, she’s still entitled to her full mat leave.

drpet49 · 22/11/2021 08:00

* So been with large organisation for 10 years, promoted posts are few and far between, to put into context it has come up three times in the 10 years I’ve been there, including during my mat leave with dc1.*

^Did you apply all 3 times?

Dexy007 · 22/11/2021 08:02

@LakieLady I absolutely am not discriminating on the basis of sex! I was very clear about that in my post. People have children and employers need to suck that up but here is a marriage/partnership where the couple have decided that the woman's career is not worth as much. She's taking the year. There may be good reasons why that works for this family but if an employee of mine did this (take two lots of 12 m paternity leave while their husband or wife went back to work after the birth) I wouldn't be promoting them because I know my work will always come second for that family. It doesn't just rank under family (understandable) it ranks under the spouse's career too. Not what I would be looking for.

I agree OP should apply, I would in her shoes and good luck to get but I'm being realistic about how this will be perceived.

Dexy007 · 22/11/2021 08:02

*good luck to her

LawnFever · 22/11/2021 08:03

@Rangoon

It's probably churlish of me but I got no maternity pay, worked up to 39 weeks and was back at work 6 weeks after a c-seaction and did it twice so it's hard for me to see you as hard done by.
What was the reason for this? Are you not in the UK?

Assuming you live elsewhere, other countries having terrible maternity support doesn’t mean others aren’t entitled to what’s rightly available.

BigYellowHat · 22/11/2021 08:04

My sister got her job on mat leave and just refused to go back early. It was about an extra 3 months. I say go for it, don’t let your vagina hold you back! You might not even get it anyway.

LawnFever · 22/11/2021 08:05

@Rangoon

It's probably churlish of me but I got no maternity pay, worked up to 39 weeks and was back at work 6 weeks after a c-seaction and did it twice so it's hard for me to see you as hard done by.
Assuming you live elsewhere, other countries having terrible maternity support doesn’t mean others aren’t entitled to what’s rightly available
BonnesVacances · 22/11/2021 08:05

@Ericaequites

You choose to have two children and have two maternity leaves. If you are out on maternity, it’s unlikely you will be offered a promotion when they need someone now. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

I disagree. Men get to have children and it doesn't affect their promotion opportunities. Why should women be treated differently just because they have to carry the baby?

SoupDragon · 22/11/2021 08:07

@Luredbyapomegranate

... also - could your partner take the back end pf parental leave so you can return??
I thought this.
GattoFantastico · 22/11/2021 08:08

Apply for it; there's nothing stopping you except your own assumptions.

But when you say you want all your ML, how long exactly are you talking about? If you return after 6 months, you're entitled to return to your exact same job but if you take longer than that, the company could offer an equivalent role for business reasons.

It would make sense if you're really keen to get the promotion to consider taking a shorter ML; especially as nowadays women are able to transfer part of their leave to the child's father.

I sympathise with your position- when I had kids I didn't want to feel disadvantaged by being a women, I was also passionate about my career, but this was over 30 years ago so I was back at work after 12 weeks anyway. Things are so much easier now; I would have loved to have 6 months off and then transfer some leave so dh could have the next few months off

BonnesVacances · 22/11/2021 08:09

@Dentistlakes

Just apply and see what happens. If you are the best person for the job then they will probably be happy to wait for you. Many jobs have 6-12 month notice periods, so it’s not unusual to have to wait for someone to start. Go for it and I hope you are successful!

If OP is the best person for the job, are they not legally required to offer her the job and wait for her? Surely to appoint the person who is second best because the OP was on maternity leave would be discriminatory?

EllaVaNight · 22/11/2021 08:11

Why does she even need to take a shorter maternity leave? If she gets the role they’ll need to cover it temporarily until she’s back, she’s still entitled to her full mat leave. maybe because if she takes shared parental leave with her partner it sets the foundation for an equal relationship? Splitting days off for children's illness, more even split of housework and childcare etc. Not having her job always be the lower priority job.

Schoolchoicesucks · 22/11/2021 08:11

How far into mat leave are you? External candidates could have 3 month+ notice periods - they would have to wait for them, why not for you?

As others have said, would you and your partner be interested in shared parental leave and him taking the second half?

If it's a good opportunity then definitely apply.

Empressofthemundane · 22/11/2021 08:15

You should apply and give it a try.

If you don’t get it, go back when your mat-leave ends, settle yourself and your children into the new routine, and then look for opportunities in other organisations!