To have had enough

[Atypicaldancer]

I can’t cope with the situation with Dd 15. We’ve just got to the end of the line. She has struggled to attend school and lessons. She has meltdowns and runs away if staff challenge her. She has obsessive behaviour around people and we recently had a visit from the police after she fell out with a friend and told her in a message to ‘kill herself.’ That stopped when the girl’s mother made me aware, but the police only visited today - six weeks later and brought it all back again. I’m distraught. She’s failed all her mocks, after trying to go in and sit them. I am worried for her future.

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There could be a number of things at play here. You need to go see a GP to see if they can refer her to CAMHS.

Been there, done that. CAMHS discharged her in July. She has a private psychiatrist now.

I honestly have tried everything.

Yes is she not doing any counselling or under any mental health team ? Surely this is the first step if she's been acting like this for a while?

She needs help and possibly a diagnosis - ASD perhaps? Or is this all a recent thing? Perhaps MH issues due to covid?

She has a psychiatrist; takes sertraline; has been referred privately for CBT through our health insurance and has just had a full cognitive assessment we are awaiting the results from. I honestly have tried and tried. Nothing has helped.

What is the private psychiatrist saying? Feel free to not answer, I quite understand not being comfortable with that.

MHS are absolute garbage, sadly. And what's even worse is they don't tend to take a private psychiatrists word for what the issue is

I see you updated - has the psychiatrist got any idea what's going on?

We’ve just done the ASD/ADHD assessment privately. I hope we get some answers. I’m terrified in case it isn’t that and I still have no answers.

Ah sorry have just seen the update op. Probably a stupid question but what exactly does she have issues with?

What do you mean by obsessive behaviour around people? Is it actually OCD or something like that, has she had any diagnosis?

Is it just general anxiety or anger issues?

She becomes hyper focused on perceived injustice and will follow ex friends around school or message them (though that seems to have stopped). She will run away from teachers and from school. She cries and says she wants to kill herself. She gets angry. Her self esteem is very very low.

Ah,ok. Well hopefully a diagnosis or ruling things can help her on the path to progress. You're being a good mum. Of course you'd be overwhelmed. Do you have good support at home ?

Ah op I feel so sad for you both , my heart goes out to her. At least she has you fighting her corner, even though its stressful for you , you're doing all you can

@Atypicaldancer

We’ve just done the ASD/ADHD assessment privately. I hope we get some answers. I’m terrified in case it isn’t that and I still have no answers.

If it isn't, please look at BPD/EUPD. Obsessive with people and the "kill yourself" message makes it a possibility.

She says socially inappropriate things - eg talks about paedophiles at a Mother’s Day lunch. She becomes overwhelmed easily and can’t be reasoned with in that state. Can’t cope with change. Can be hostile, especially to her stepdad - but loves me (I think I’m her safe person).

Make sure you have time for your own mental health. Even just having a half hour talking to a friend. And being on here of course!

@Atypicaldancer

She becomes hyper focused on perceived injustice and will follow ex friends around school or message them (though that seems to have stopped). She will run away from teachers and from school. She cries and says she wants to kill herself. She gets angry. Her self esteem is very very low.

Even more so now I know you'll be struggling like hell with her, but please be there for her even when it's incredibly difficult to do so.

DH is annoyed with me tonight. I have been angry towards him because I’m stressed a d he’s told me how he’s stressed too. But she’s not his daughter. I don’t think he can comprehend the absolute terror I’m feeling for her future.

He was angry because she called him ‘a fucking cunt’ after the police had been. I explained that she can’t articulate her emotions and that she was distressed. It’s obviously awful language, but Dd is beyond normal realms of behaviour and needs love and understanding.

I just can’t manage dd’s feelings and DH at the same time.

Being on here is helpful thank you. DH and I are not able to talk about this without arguing.

The psychiatrist and CAMHS both thought ASD/ADHD

@Atypicaldancer

The psychiatrist and CAMHS both thought ASD/ADHD

I hope you'll soon have the answers you need. Once you do, things should become a bit easier with appropriate help.

Is there a trigger to her behaviour? As in is there bullying going on or issues at home that could be making everything else difficult for her to manage? Sorry if that's a personal question I'm just wondering if this behaviour could be something that has built up over time has accumulated in the difficulties she is demomstrating.
How are the school supporting her to improve attendance?