We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

People know about the benefits of breastfeeding. It is shoved down your throat as an expectant mother constantly and I would have much appreciated them also highlighting the negatives. I breastfed for 3 months with my first. It came as an enormous shock. The pain, the misery. I wanted to stop immediately but felt guilted into continuing because “it’s free, it’s easy, it’s best for baby, you’ll lose weight; they’ll get your immunity, it lowers risk of cot death” etc etc etc. no warning about it greatly contributing to my PND.

@TreeSmuggler I agree with you actually, recently I heard a doctor on a podcast mention in passing about how she doesn't recommend breastfeeding to some of her patients who have low thyroid because she said she worries would be too tired to bf. Even though she was quite BF positive in the rest of the podcast she was torn apart online.

I don't understand why there isn't better evidence for exactly what the benefits of breast feeding are. I mean I understand that you can't randomly assign how babies are fed, but given the size of the UK population shouldn't it be possible to find large enough groups that a comparison between formula fed, combination fed and breast fed would be statistically robust.

@EsmeSusanOgg I completely agree with you re women not being allowed to be proud of personal achievements.

@lawnotorder

I felt offended and resentful when a friend said she didn’t understand any of the difficulties I was having with BF. Because she found it ‘very easy’ apparently.

I think thats different though as she is ignoring your experience as opposed to just talking about her own. I'd be annoyed with a friend who did that with any experience in life!

ignoring your experience as opposed to just talking about her own

Which is the key thing not to do. Maybe it's not what posters say it's the way that they say it. People on MN posting for BF support are very often feeling very low about it already.

People cannot fail to hear that ‘breast is best’. You are told it from the second you’re pregnant. More promotion of the health benefits is not what’s needed. All that’s doing is telling women they’ve fed their baby in an inferior way if they are unable to do it. Being told you haven’t done the best for your child is heartbreaking and it’s one of the reasons that people get so defensive of formula feeding and feel the need to tell you their complex reasons for not doing it.

@MaskingForIt

Imagine a SM post telling poor people that fresh meat and vegetables are better for their children than frozen chicken nuggets and canned vegetables. How do you think they are going to feel? Are they going to magic up the money to buy fresh meat and veg, or are they going to feel a bit shit that they can’t do the best for their children?

That’s how being hammered with Breast Is Best information feels to women who wanted to breastfeed but couldn’t.

Imagine a social media post advising on nutrition? Yeah, I can.

Most dietary recommendations also state that frozen fruit and veg (cheaper) is also fine. Same with infant feeding: they always end with 'fed is best' etc.

It's not shaming, blimey. Just like saying "breastfeeding helps with XYZ" is not shaming. I get it's upsetting if you really wanted to do it and can't, but that's the same with literally anything in life. So what- were supposed to just censor anything to do with breastfeeding?

Dietary recommendations tend to come from expert sources though, eg government guidelines. I think the bit people find galling is when it's some random on SM telling them stuff about how to feed their baby. People would look askance at someone who started posting info on vegetables on SM - breastfeeding is the same. I don't hear anyone on here objecting to medical personel giving info on breastfeeding, just on non-experts telling them about it

@Tyrantosaurus exactly! People always post pictures of themselves with their kids on mothers day and I'm sure ppl going through infertility find this difficult.
But if I posted a photo of me breastfeeding on World Bf week I'd be accused of shaming, being smug, being insensitive etc.

Which is the key thing not to do.*

Agree, your friend sounds a bit crap tbh.

Maybe it's not what posters say it's the way that they say it. People on MN posting for BF support are very often feeling very low about it already.*

I posted a few times because I did some pumping & also combi fed & did find that info quite hard to access elsewhere. I find it very helpful.
If someone had popped up on my thread & told me not to do & only bf then yes I would be annoyed.

I had to stop BF after only 2 weeks because I was hospitalized and put on very strong medication due to an infection I picked up whilst giving birth. I still feel guilty about not BF DD who is turning 2 in a month. And information about BF was literally rammed down my throat while I was pregnant and once she was born by midwives, hospitals, pharmacies, nosy neighbours, relatives, friends... who all thought that 'If only I understood the benefits of BF surely I'd choose what's better for my child'. So yeah, unless you were a scientist in the field or a medical professional whose job was to inform me about it - I'd be irritated by your post and probably unfollow you.

I get it's upsetting if you really wanted to do it and can't, but that's the same with literally anything in life.

This is what I get confused about as many people do & have things others can't do everything potentially is insensitive. Eg buying their own home, taking their kids on a trip of a lifetime, sending their dc to private school etc

Or even having kids in the first place.

OP the fact that you are talking about BF as a choice and thinking that more info will help people make an informed choice suggests you are struggling to understand that for some women it's not really a choice. The incessant refusal to believe this leads to a lot of nasty and judgemental things being said to women who can't do it.

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee I know that some people cannot breastfeed.... there are lots of things I can't do that others can. That's just life.

@lawnotorder

I get it's upsetting if you really wanted to do it and can't, but that's the same with literally anything in life.

This is what I get confused about as many people do & have things others can't do everything potentially is insensitive. Eg buying their own home, taking their kids on a trip of a lifetime, sending their dc to private school etc

Or even having kids in the first place.

Yep. Infertility was the first thing that sprang to mind. I also imagine it's much more heartbreaking than not being able to breastfeed yet we don't hide our children. Bottom line is employ common sense, but that doesn't mean a blanket ban on breastfeeding talk.

I wasn't able to breastfeed & my mental health took a serious dive as a result in the first few months. I even said to my husband 'what is the point in me?'

I'm not an idiot - I knew breastfeeding was the ideal, but as a doctor pointed put to me, it was not ideal for my baby to starve.

I think most women are well aware of the benefits - having them repeatedly reiterated to me just reinforced the fact I was failing my baby.

And just to say as mothers we all get nasty unsolicited advice constantly and it's not ok.
Here is some unsolicited advice I have been given.....
"Don't sleep train it is damaging" "you need to sleep train babies need their rest" "if she has teeth she's too old to breastfeed" "why are you still feeding?" "Babies need to sleep in their own bed" "cosleeping is best for baby" "you need to wean she'll still be bf when she's going to uni"

My little one does sleep in her own room but I wouldn't be offended if someone shared a study on the benefits of cosleeping.

[quote Silverclasp]@Whatiswrongwithmyknee I know that some people cannot breastfeed.... there are lots of things I can't do that others can. That's just life.[/quote]
That's not really the point though, is it? You said about people making more informed choices - which suggests that you think that people are choosing not to breastfeed as they don't understand properly. Given how abusive the breastfeeding police can be, there is a need to be sensitive about this. Sure, share articles. I think breastfeeding is fascinating and personally I'd like a whole heap more research into why some women just can't and some women find it so easy. I'd like proper help for women who want to and I'd like much more info about the benefits and risks. But all of that needs to be done sensitively given how much some women have been traumatised by the judgements they've suffered. All I'm saying is you need to stop blindly thinking this is really a choice much of the time. Then you can start to share things in a more sensitive way.

I honestly doubt that for most of the things you can't do in life, there are health practitioners and peers following you around for months telling you you're a failure for not doing them.

@ConfusedBear

There have been studies which have attempted to look at causation rather than correlation by comparing siblings that had been ff and bf, as they are both to the same families, same socio- economic group, same opportunities, likely diet when older etc.

The results were that there was an advantage to breastfeeding, but only in a few areas, and they were very small. Less tummy bugs and ear infections basically, but none of the other 'benefits' were found. So more important in poorer countries, pretty marginal in the UK.

Wealthier parents tend to have children with better outcomes in life in general. Breastfed children may be slightly healthier, but using the same correlation, so are those who go abroad at least twice a year. It's really important not to assume causation just because there is a correlation.

And just to say as mothers we all get nasty unsolicited advice constantly and it's not ok.

Cool, we agree. We need to make sure then that sharing thoughts/ new info about breastfeeding is not doing it in an unsolicited advice kind of way. Currently it is absolutely done in that way.

@Whatiswrongwithmyknee I certainly haven't ever called anyone a failure for not breastfeeding and that's all I can do. I can't control health practitioners and I can't change the science.
I don't post anything about Breastfeeding because I don't want to hurt any of my friends.

I honestly doubt that for most of the things you can't do in life, there are health practitioners and peers following you around for months telling you you're a failure for not doing them.

Especially when the impact of not doing them is so marginal in the grand scheme of things.

@Tyrantosaurus exactly!

There's a lot of evidence that exclusive breastfeeding reduces the risk of obesity- and I think a lot of the people concerned with breastfeeding are also concerned with baby food marketing.

Not if you're going to feed your kids adult sized portions and constant snacks etc, without seeing they get enough exercise to burn it off.

63% of adults are overweight or obese. If they can't get their own weight under control, all the breast milk in the world is unlikely to help keep their children slim and healthy into adulthood.

Milk is such a tiny part of good feeding habits.

I honestly doubt that for most of the things you can't do in life, there are health practitioners and peers following you around for months telling you you're a failure for not doing them.

No one should call you a failure. I would have put in a complaint about any staff that did that.