We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

I’ve BF three babies and found it generally pretty easy. Loved it, though happily transitioned to formula at about 7m for each baby. So no angst about ‘failure’ to breastfeed here.

I’d still find pontificating articles about BF benefits (or worse still a PP’s comments about active ‘risks’ of formula) to be massively irritating at best and upsetting at worst.

Why share these kind of articles at all, especially when they are designed to provoke and upset?

If you really want to push a narrative about breastfeeding, maybe find articles to highlight the real reason it fails - lack of support. By which I don’t mean professional support necessarily. For BF to work and be successful the baby’s father needs to be supportive (prepared to take over chores, cook meals etc), the baby’s grandparents need to be supportive (by which I mean granny shouldn’t go on and on and on about how it was done it her day and how everyone used formula from day 3; just be supportive!), extended family and friends need to be supportive, health professionals need to be supportive, the list goes on.

It’s not just about pushing a narrative to try to make people feel guilty about health benefits and risks, which is what far too breastfeeding ‘advocates’ take huge pleasure in doing.

I've breastfed my three for the last 7 years- it hasn't been easy, has near drove me mad and generally I've disliked it, mainly because my kids don't sleep and I hate being touched.....

There are so many random and interesting to me articles I'm happy to post to social media but articles about breastfeeding/ motherhood I give a wide berth. Mainly because I can't be arsed with someone getting offended.

Essentially you're allowed to post whatever wham you want to on SM (surely all SM is is a futile shouting into the ether to distract ourselves....) but as soon as you get to motherhood topics you're supposed to stfu for fear of upsetting someone.

@Silverclasp

I just found the article really interesting and was like "wow everyone should know this" but then stopped myself from sharing because I didn't want anyone to get hurt or think I was a preachy twat.... which clearly given the responses on this post I would have

I couldn't hack breast feeding and gave up at 3 months. I know there are benefits and that's fine but if I had a friend on social media sharing articles about how much better it is, I would have taken it as a dig at me. I was hormonal and already feeling like a failure.

@Magicalwoodlands

I started a thread about this under a different name months ago.

I think the problem is that as soon as you run into BFing difficulties, you are told to use formula.

DS lost 12% of his birth weight in the first three days and so immediately was put on formula, despite me saying over and over that I wanted to breastfeed.

That shouldn’t be the default answer.

Same here! Women constantly being let down by this narrative!

I mean humanity survived perfectly fine long before random people had a platform to share unsolicited advice on breast feeding so I don’t think you specifically need to get involved tbh, or are you one of those people who think they’re the first person in the world to have a baby?

@RealBecca 100% agree re. Formula companies. Everyone, whether bottlefeeding or breast should be informed about how they operate, it’s not a problem confined to the 80s. They are pure evil.

I had all the support I wanted but it still wasn't to be. I was inconsolable when the first bottle was made up but then soon the relief of being able to put my breasts away and admit I'd done all I could was great.

This was 20 odd years ago now and I don't even think about it any more, except on threads on MN.

Ah a tale as old as time. Something in this country is ducked in relation to infant feeding, breastfeeding rates are through the floor, everyone feels shame or guilt for how they feed, and there's inadequate support across the board for new mums to be honest.

Invariably though what kicks threads into high gear is when people start commenting directly on say formula feeding, so instead of saying I felt really close to my baby when breastfeeding, there's always 1 that says omg you won't bond as well if you ff. There are also all sorts of random claims that aren't backed up by science, and everyone gets defensive.

Information should be bountiful along with support for all women, so they can make an informed decision and have the physical and emotional support to embrace whichever works for them. Breastmilk might be the best for example nutritionally, but formula feeding might be best for a family- neither are poison or harmful.

Demanding better BF support from public healthcare system would indicate we believe breastfeeding was important, but also we shouldn't publicly talk about breastfeeding being important or actually talk about it at all in a positive sense. No wonder we can't get anywhere.

I breastfed 2 children. I believe it has some benefits (although not huge in developed countries) but I also believe people should be able to justify their own choices and shouldn't be offended by being informed of the benefits. E.g. by midwives or GP etc.

However I do find the preaching on Facebook quite offensive - not because of the information presented but because of the preachy nature of it.

@Frezia this is exactly it. Even if a newspaper shares a study showing breastfeeding in a positive light the comment section is just full of "stop shaming mums" "fed is best" etc.
It literally cannot be mentioned without backlash.

I didn't know even a tenth of benefits of breastfeeding until I was several months in.
And I didn't know the one from your article either.

I hate that any form of interest in this amazing thing our bodies do has to be silenced for fear of insetting people. I understand that new mothers are vulnerable and it's hard, but women's bodies have long been left behind in scientific and medical research and discussion and we shouldn't silence ourselves.

I don't care how anyone chooses to feed their baby. Breastfeeding needs to be normalised, as does combi feeding and bottle fed, but we can't do this by staying quiet. (Yes both breastfeeding and bottle feeding mothers feel alienated and judged)

I didn't know that my nipple analyses my baby's saliva and adapts to what they need.
Going thick colostrum like when they're sick and thinner when they're thirsty.

I didn't know breast milk cleared up baby's goopy eyes.

I didn't know that fussing at the boob was upping your supply ready for a growth spurt.

Acknowledging and sharing these amazing things doesn't have to be at the expense of anyone else. We're all just trying to get through the day.

I didn't know that my nipple analyses my baby's saliva and adapts to what they need

Because it doesn't?

@JunoMcDuff

Any time you provide the scientifically proven positives of something you are perceived as shaming those who have not followed that path for whatever reason.

People seem incapable of being able to accept they may have chosen a path based purely on preference, and that it may not have been "the best" in an objective sense, but worked best for them. It's like they always need to be right or seen to be doing the best, when people chose things for lots of reasons with no shame. Drives me fucking nuts.

I totally agree with this post. I think we are in a place culturally where it’s considered judgmental or offensive to state facts which someone else might find uncomfortable or hurtful. I do think that BF vs FF is an area where this is especially true. Breastfeeding is objectively better all round, that’s a fact. But stating that is considered shaming or offensive, when it’s neither. It’s just true. More broadly, I think we need to become a little less sensitive as a society. It should be okay for people to disagree and to make different choices, without there being an inference that there is any judgment attached to that.

At the same time, whilst I know objectively that breastfeeding is best, I would always support a mother’s choice about how to feed her own baby because what is objectively best, statistically, may not be what is objectively best for an individual (and her baby).

I’ve also read a lot of responses questioning why OP would want to post that article on social media. But I feel that question can (and should, ha!) be applied to pretty much any post on social media. Are social media posts often driven by anything other than people’s egos, and ideas of how they want to present themselves?

As a rule, MN hates breastfeeding. If anyone posts a positive experience they’re jumped on. And bombarded with “my kids were all formula fed and they all went to Cambridge” lectures. And if you dare to say it’s the best thing for the baby, you’re just plain evil.
I was nagged constantly by the women in my baby group to give up breastfeeding. It really pissed me off.

I’ve never understood why anyone feels the need to tell anyone else how they chose to feed their child.

@Silverclasp

I just found the article really interesting and was like "wow everyone should know this" but then stopped myself from sharing because I didn't want anyone to get hurt or think I was a preachy twat.... which clearly given the responses on this post I would have

If you shared the article on social media I would definitely think that you were a preachy twat.

The pressure to breastfeed 100% of the time is causing so many women to breakdown and quit entirely. And the whole ‘breast is best’ brigade is responsible for so making so many women feel like shit. Women’s mental and physical health still matters once they become a mum and I’ve listened to enough of my friends cry over this, thanks.

As an aside, I truly believe that a less pressured approach (and normalisation of combi-feeding!) would result in happier mums and more breastfeeding overall.

@AvocadoOrange

Some of the answers to this thread show that people are ignorant of the benefits of breastfeeding...the evidence it's healthier is overwhelming. Stating that as a fact isn't shaming- it's what science shows.

I think mothers are the wrong primary audience for the benefits though. We should be shouting about the benefits of breastfeeding and better postnatal support to government, health boards etc, employees and everyone else about making society a friendly place for all mothers of newborns, most of whom want to breastfeed.

No, the evidence isn’t overwhelming from a statistical standpoint. The evidence is mild. As @Namechangetimes100 pointed out, BF mothers tend to be wealthier/ have higher socioeconomic status, which creates a correlation between BF and good long term outcomes. That said, I still chose to BF as I liked the bonding element.

Emily Oster’s Cribsheet has a great chapter on this and a good explainer around statistics and drawing conclusions from them.

@Tabbacus

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4556682/

I don't think MN does hate breastfeeding really.

It's not hard to post a positive experience but also acknowledge it isn't like that for everyone.

If at the ante natal group I attended I was warned that things might not be a walk in the park I'd have been a bit more prepared when I had difficulties.

People always seem to come back to national breastfeeding rates being low. So what? Why do you care what other women do with their breasts? Why's it any of your business? Breastfeeding really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things you know.

@JunoMcDuff

Any time you provide the scientifically proven positives of something you are perceived as shaming those who have not followed that path for whatever reason.

People seem incapable of being able to accept they may have chosen a path based purely on preference, and that it may not have been "the best" in an objective sense, but worked best for them. It's like they always need to be right or seen to be doing the best, when people chose things for lots of reasons with no shame. Drives me fucking nuts.

My feelings exactly.

I am only on page 3 of the thread but so far the negative responses prove the OP’s point

Also, as a different PP pointed out. The benefits of BF are often underplayed - essentially to make people feel better about their preference to stop breastfeeding.

Obviously it’s every woman’s choice and it’s got nothing to do with me. But I wish that it would be acceptable to say: it’s ok sometimes not to do what’s objectively best, but to do what’s ‘best’ or even just ‘good enough’ for the specific circumstance.

@Sparklingbrook

I don't think MN does hate breastfeeding really.

It's not hard to post a positive experience but also acknowledge it isn't like that for everyone.

If at the ante natal group I attended I was warned that things might not be a walk in the park I'd have been a bit more prepared when I had difficulties.

Any positivity is labelled as shaming, or boasting.

I think mothers are the wrong primary audience for the benefits though. We should be shouting about the benefits of breastfeeding and better postnatal support to government, health boards etc, employees and everyone else about making society a friendly place for all mothers of newborns, most of whom want to breastfeed.

I don't agree that breastfeeding is particularly important. I totally agree with this though. Society is set up to discriminate against women with children whether they breast or bottle fed and that's what needs to change. Families should be properly supported to look after their children.

I totally agree with this post. I think we are in a place culturally where it’s considered judgmental or offensive to state facts which someone else might find uncomfortable or hurtful

This & it's scary!

Someone told me off a thread because I said Trump was still popular with some. He is! It doesn't mean I like that he is or Im a supporter, it's simply stating a fact.

I don't understand why saying breastfeeding is better is offensive etc

It should be okay for people to disagree and to make different choices, without there being an inference that there is any judgment attached to that.

Absolutely, would it have been the ideal thing for me to breastfeed for 6 months? yes. was it ideal for my circumstances & life? no. Im fine with that.