We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

Because the main reason IMO is the attitudes in the society we live in, which isn't convinced breastfeeding is even a positive thing really, and certainly not something that should be talked about in the community even in a respectful way to all mothers.

I simply don't buy this. Our society is overwhelmingly convinced that breastfeeding is a positive thing. You'd have to have lived under a rock not to know that there is scientific evidence that breastfeeding is helpful. And its talked about ad nauseam in communities of new mothers and in the medical community. There is no more convincing which needs to take place. That ship has sailed.

But what isn't talked about enough is that its convenient for some women its actually bloody difficult for many women to breastfeed. For a variety of reasons. Sometimes technical (tongue-tie/latching problems etc). Sometimes cultural (no-one else did it in my family etc) and often logistics (breastfeeding is pretty onerous in terms of time and the limitations on women and many women simply aren't prepared to sacrifice that much of their time). There is some support for this but it's at best patchy.

A lot of women go into new motherhood with very good intentions and then discover that breastfeeding is much harder than they expected. Some of them stick it out and all power to them.

Many of them, not unreasonably, weigh it up and decide they'll take a marginal downgrade to the quality of their child's nutrition in order to to stop spending every minute of their time obsessing over how to breastfeed. In order to be able to leave the house and not to have to be cluster feeding throughout the night. In order to not have to go and find a place to express at work every couple of hours. In short, to get their lives back. If the impact on a child's health of a mother doing this was really significant then we as a society would owe it to those mothers and those children to support them more comprehensively.

But we don't. We bully them and nag them and send them "well-meaning" stories about a study that's been published somewhere which shows another marginal impact on the child's health. We make them feel inferior to developing world mothers when in fact the entire infrastructure in these countries is completely different and you're not comparing like with like. Etc etc.

Going on and on and on about breastfeeding being a positive thing is really not the solution to this.

How a baby is fed is, in the main, up to the parents.

Knowledge is power though so the more that is known about the benefits of breastfeeding the better.

It is due to this knowledge that I fought and fought and fought to breastfeed and luckily for me after a rocky start both times I managed it. I had many complications including a congenital breast defect in both breasts which negatively affected my ability to breastfeed.

I combo fed both my children with artificial formula until I was able to breastfeed successfully. The formula saved my breastfeeding relationship and helped me nurture my babies. I combo fed DS for 6-weeks and kept going for 14 months. I combo fed DD for 10 weeks and kept going for 18 months.

I was lucky. I was privileged.

It was the knowledge that kept me going.

So I would have been interested in that post but I think I'm the exception rather than the rule. I think you would have to get the tone and the explanation of why you shared it just right for it to land safely.

It's such a horrible contentious area.

I don't know what the solution is.

I do think the pendulum has swung a bit too far the other way. In attempt to ensure formula isn't shamed, I see a lot of people downplaying the benefits of breastfeeding on social media. The only militant perspective I've seen is from people who've chosen to formula feed without even trying breastfeeding.

I hate the whole 'fed is best' mantra. No it's not, it's the bare minimum.

If you repost things on social media it almost always comes across as a sort of expression of your beliefs and opinions and impressing them onto others.

Think vax versus anti vax
Pro life versus pro choice
Man United versus Liverpool
Political opinions
Religious sayings

If you put something up about breastfeeding you have to be prepared that many will take it to mean you are proclaiming that everyone should be breastfeeding their babies.

In reality it is nobody’s business but the mothers and they will be getting advice from medical professionals.

sharing something about T cells isn’t going to change the circumstances of someone who chooses to formula feed for whatever reasons

Basically why do you want to share the post for any reason other than to try and persuade someone not to formula feed?

Couldn’t agree more @Silverclasp

I hate the whole 'fed is best' mantra. No it's not, it's the bare minimum

For whom?

If a marginal benefit to the baby is always seen as the priority over the mother's mental health, wellbeing, ability to work in any circumstances, yes.

If, on the other hand, the health and wellbeing of the mother is the priority its not quite so clear is it?

I take the view that breast is obviously optimal but that I was not prepared to go through months of massively downgrading my own quality of life to maintain this marginal some would say inconsequential benefit to my child's nutrition. Ten years on I'm comfortable I made the best decision.

Fed is best has helped me and masses of other mothers who found breastfeeding unbearably difficult come to terms with this and forgive ourselves. It made it possible for me to live with my decision as opposed to being relentlessly ground down by other women who told me I was failing my baby.

So I'll take fed is best, thanks very much.

So much angst would be saved on every side if people just minded their business, fed their own child the way they see fit, and let other women do the same.

@thepeopleversuswork

Fed is the bare minimum. Starvation being the alternative.

See I just knew someone would take issue with someone advocating breastfeeding. This is exactly what I meant. I don't care what you chose or your reasons for it. Everyone is free to make their own choices and no one should feel shamed but breast is best.

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@thepeopleversuswork

Fed is the bare minimum. Starvation being the alternative.

See I just knew someone would take issue with someone advocating breastfeeding. This is exactly what I meant. I don't care what you chose or your reasons for it. Everyone is free to make their own choices and no one should feel shamed but breast is best.[/quote]
Exactly.

Formula from a reputable, safe, regulated company is absolutely fine.

But fed is not best - you get some totally cockamami idiots making their own vegan or whatever they fancy formula. Not safe, not good, not best.

I think the replies on this thread highlight just how touchy people are about it. It's bizarre.

Agreed. I still bf my toddler and the stupid, ill informed comments by people who didn’t even try to breastfeed me sick. DS was unwell recently and I had to bf him outside (no choice but to as he wasn’t eating) and a woman (in front of her family) tried to make me out to be a pervert for feeding my child. Not because he’s a toddler (he’s thin so looks much younger) but because he was breastfeeding. I gave her a fitting reply but I felt so fed up afterwards.

@5128gap

So much angst would be saved on every side if people just minded their business, fed their own child the way they see fit, and let other women do the same.

Yes

[quote Willyoujustbequiet]@thepeopleversuswork

Fed is the bare minimum. Starvation being the alternative.

See I just knew someone would take issue with someone advocating breastfeeding. This is exactly what I meant. I don't care what you chose or your reasons for it. Everyone is free to make their own choices and no one should feel shamed but breast is best.[/quote]
I agree. Formula is better than starvation but it is not better than breast milk. And this is coming from someone who ended up formula feeding due to baby not latching and lack of support.

Yes, formula is better than starvation. Breast milk is optimal

@5128gap

So much angst would be saved on every side if people just minded their business, fed their own child the way they see fit, and let other women do the same.

The reality is that this is exactly what most people in real life do.

I don't think I've ever instigated a conversation about infant feeding with anyone. I've had people instigate them with me - usually as I was feeding one of my DC. I'm very open to talking but would never actually instigate a conversation about it myself.

@Willyoujustbequiet

I do think the pendulum has swung a bit too far the other way. In attempt to ensure formula isn't shamed, I see a lot of people downplaying the benefits of breastfeeding on social media. The only militant perspective I've seen is from people who've chosen to formula feed without even trying breastfeeding.

I hate the whole 'fed is best' mantra. No it's not, it's the bare minimum.

Would you actually tell a woman you knew who’s chosen to formula feed from the off, for a number of reasons (none of which are any of your business) that’s she’s done the bare minimum to feed her child? Or would you just run her down behind her back?

What an astonishing way to think about something that has fuck-all to do with you and affects you even less.

I agree with you OP.

I think what offends women is being told what to do with their bodies

It’s not about telling women what to do. It’s about centring the needs of the baby. Human babies require human milk for optimum development. I’m sorry if some people find that difficult but it’s factually correct.

Posting about the benefits of breastfeeding will make you look smug and self important IMO. There are women who can't breastfeed who want to and are aware of the benefits and this sort of shit isn't helpful. If you breastfeed then great, look after your own baby the way you want and keep your opinions and articles to yourself.

There should definitely be more support and yes some women have difficulties. But that doesn’t mean it’s ok to devalue human milk. It is a sensitive issue but those sort of comments are used to shut down discussion. I find it bordering on bullying tbh.

Would you actually tell a woman you knew who’s chosen to formula feed from the off, for a number of reasons (none of which are any of your business) that’s she’s done the bare minimum to feed her child? Or would you just run her down behind her back?

If she were saying "formula is just as good as breast milk" I'd correct her or refute her claim. If she was just saying "I formula fed because I didn't fancy breastfeeding" I'd say fair enough. I dislike the spreading of misinformation.

I also think we should normalise milk sharing!

For me, formula was a better choice than breast feeding. It just simply was. It meant both myself and my baby thrived.

@JunoMcDuff

Would you actually tell a woman you knew who’s chosen to formula feed from the off, for a number of reasons (none of which are any of your business) that’s she’s done the bare minimum to feed her child? Or would you just run her down behind her back?

If she were saying "formula is just as good as breast milk" I'd correct her or refute her claim. If she was just saying "I formula fed because I didn't fancy breastfeeding" I'd say fair enough. I dislike the spreading of misinformation.

But this spectacularly misses the point that by far the largest group of people who don't breastfeed are not feckless types who can't be arsed or desperately ignorant people who don't know. They are people who have tried and failed.

It's not a simple binary thing of people either being uninformed (and needing more information) or being too selfish.

Telling someone who has struggled for weeks and months with pain, discomfort, sleeplessness, massive challenges in adapting to any semblance of normal life that they are doing the "bare minimum" for their baby is just really really shitty.

This is what "fed is best" is about. It doesn't literally mean that any kind of food is preferable to breastfeeding. Any fool knows formula isn't better than breast. It's a way to get people to get things into perspective and support those of us who struggled with massively and allow ourselves not to have to beat ourselves up over it for the rest of our lives.

thepeopleversuswork

I'm not missing any point. I was directly responding to a question. The question was unrelated to your point.

I'm not telling random women in baby groups that fed isn't best. But I'm also not repeating the stupid mantra either. I don't talk about infant feeding in real life unless asked directly for factual information or advice.

I will never, ever understand why some women care so very much about what other women feed their babies.

@Onairjunkie

For me, formula was a better choice than breast feeding. It just simply was. It meant both myself and my baby thrived.

It is for many people. The nutritional/ health benefits of breastmilk are only a small part of the overall benefits of any feeding choice and need to be taken as a part of a much bigger picture.

@Piglet89

I will never, ever understand why some women care so very much about what other women feed their babies.

Some of us have to care because we do it for a living. You don’t suddenly stop caring because it’s one minute past 5.