We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

@Silverclasp

If someone is sober for a year they can be proud of themselves and say to their friends "guess what I'm sober a year today and I'm really proud to have gotten to this point" and most people would say "well done! That's amazing. You're doing great". If I was to say "guess what! I'm breastfeeding a year today and I'm really proud to have gotten to this point" I'm being braggy, smug, holier than thou, shaming other mums.

It’s a pretty odd comparison, though — recovering from an addiction and breastfeeding your baby?

@Babdoc

I get rather tired of breast feeding zealots shaming depressed exhausted new mothers who are already upset about their failed milk supply, or who chose to bottle feed to fit their personal circumstances. I'm a retired doctor and baby boomer. My generation was majority bottle fed and is the healthiest, longest lived generation in history. The benefits of breast feeding v bottle are minimal in the UK, and undetectable by adulthood. I see young mums worn out with cluster feeding and sleep deprivation, and frankly don't believe the game is worth the candle.

This is interesting to hear from a medical professional and what I've always suspected to be true.

I don't think its "unreasonable" to post this article exactly. But I would slightly wonder about the motivations of anyone who really thought anyone would have a lightbulb moment reading yet another no shit sherlock study about breastfeeding being marginally better.

As others have said, mothers who don't breastfeed don't either because a) they don't want to and don't care or b) because they found it unsustainably hard and decided it wasn't worth ruining their lives over (I fall into the latter camp). In neither scenario is posting yet another article about a marginal benefit of breastfeeding going to change a young mother's mind, all it is likely to do is increase anxiety and stress in someone who already has a ton of that to deal with.

So while not exactly offensive it's at best pointless and at worst tone deaf and insensitive.

@Luredbyapomegranate no I'm not a midwife, I work in Science though and there are lots of ppl in that field on my sm so would repost studies that I find interesting from time to time as do many of my colleagues/ friends.

In my experience yes. It’s fine for someone to make adverse comments about BFers (I received many disparaging and defensive comments) but you are not allowed to state true facts about formula milk because someone will get offended.

Just shows the hold the formula companies have over everyone and the brainwashing that has taken place

@JadeTrinket both are difficult for some people and both things you can be proud of.... there are lots of examples in the post above.
The person posting about being sober is not shaming those that drink, they are just proud of themselves for what they have achieved.
Similarly people who feel proud about bf should be allowed to be proud.... but you can't because you're a mum shaming, braggy, smug twat

@Siameasy

In my experience yes. It’s fine for someone to make adverse comments about BFers (I received many disparaging and defensive comments) but you are not allowed to state true facts about formula milk because someone will get offended.

Just shows the hold the formula companies have over everyone and the brainwashing that has taken place

Sorry but this is just balls. I've literally never seen anyone saying formula milk is superior to breast milk. On here or anywhere else. There can't be a person alive today who is unaware that breastfeeding has benefits.

The argument, which @Babdoc makes eloquently, is that the marginal benefits of breastfeeding in developed countries are usually not enough to justify the bullying of young mothers who are not given adequate support to breastfeed and find it very difficult.

I suppose it’s the same reason why I wouldn’t post about the massive benefit of bottle feeding being that the mother isn’t tied to the baby and all the night feeds. Ultimately the subliminal message is that I, the poster, am trying to get people to bottle feed. And yet why would I do that. If someone asked me I’d extol the many virtues of bottle/formula feeding. But I certainly wouldn’t offer this information unless asked about my experience. Similarly you posting on SM about breastfeeding, you’re ultimately convincing others to do it. And possibly shaming those who can’t.

In the same way people who post about their vaginal pain free labours seem to imply that this the whole grail of childbirth, no matter how much they aren’t. I never see these same people raving about their pain free root canal.

[quote Silverclasp]@Luredbyapomegranate no I'm not a midwife, I work in Science though and there are lots of ppl in that field on my sm so would repost studies that I find interesting from time to time as do many of my colleagues/ friends.[/quote]
Well, if you are sharing science studies c breast feeding with science focused colleagues who might be interested - grand.

If you are sharing science studies c breast feeding with all your followers, many of whom are just mums you know, who may or may not breastfeed, and would go and look for scientific articles if they wanted them (which they probably don’t) - yes it will be likely perceived as annoying unasked for advice.. because what other reason would you post it.

• if you just want to say - yay for me i breastfed for a year, it’s hard but it mattered to me so I’m proud - grand.

I got zero help in hospital with BF. I got a breast pump chucked at me and left to it, not shown how to use it or anything. and that was after an extremely traumatic birth.

I got so much grief off the midwife that came out to the house, I actually felt like she thought I was too weak mentally to get it together to BF, when I said I was going to get a pump as my baby wouldn't latch it was as if she thought I was wasting money.

The lactation consultant came to the house and couldn't see where I was going wrong,just told I had a very fussy baby. She said she would ring me up to see how I was getting on after the visit and I never heard from her again.

I pumped for 12 weeks , 12 weeks until I found the one golden position my fussy baby would latch on and been exclusive BF ever since.

There needs to be better help ,then maybe rates would go up.

@WillyWollyWandy for what it's worth if you reposted a scientific study that showed massive benefits to formula feeding personally I wouldn't be offended. I want to know all the information so that I can make an informed decision if I am lucky enough to have another baby. But maybe that's the scientist in me.... sucker for data.

Breastfeeding is such a touchy subject for a lot of people. I joined a formula feeding Facebook group when I thought I might have to go back to work early and introduce some formula. The sort of pro breastfeeding research articles you are talking about are actually posted there regularly by outraged groups members. Everyone piles on commenting that these articles are ‘a load of rubbish’ and ‘Mum shaming’. I assume the comments come from a place of guilt and ignorance.

Breastfeeding has almost become a marker of middle class motherhood.

@Kendodd I have respect for them because I found it so painful and difficult I can't imagine doing it without pain relief. I'm not saying they are winners and I'm a loser for choosing the epidural.... I'm just saying I think they are awesome because they did something that I found too difficult to endure.
Haven't you ever had respect for someone who was able to do something you couldn't?
Like people who can do 100 pull ups or run a marathon..... I can't do those things but I think those that can are awesome.

This only makes sense if all births are equivalent and they really aren't. I had 2 kids. Completely different births, completely different pain levels. If you manage, without pain relief, to birth a small-headed baby, presenting in a nice helpful after a pace of labour which allows endorphins to build up to a helpful degree but does not exhaust you, why would you take credit for that? And then if another child is back to back, has a massive head and takes 4 days to arrive - and you felt you needed an epidural, why would you feel less proud?

Some people who had no pain relief had easier births. I say this as someone who had an epidural the first time and a tiny bit of gas and air the second. It's not that I somehow conquered it or 'did better'. The first birth was much harder, much more painful and much more traumatic. I am proud of having survived it TBH and I don't see what there is to be proud about not needing pain relief during an easier birth.

That's why pride is a problem here. Proud to have grown ad got a baby out? Sure! Proud to have not had pain relief? Weird as it suggests that this is about your strength of character or something rather than the specifics of the birth - but I don't think we have evidence that supports that?

What are the ‘massive benefits’ to an un-medicated birth? Is it also a badge of honour to not have any pain relief during labour now?

When I’m in pain with a migraine, you can bet I take my medication to make it stop. I don’t like pain. It is not nice. I can’t think straight when I’m in pain.

I treated birth the same way. To me the blessed spinal block, which left me happy, comfortable and present at the moment of birth, rather than traumatised and exhausted, was a ‘ massive benefit’.

I honestly don’t care how other women went through birth, so long as they were happy and healthy.

Hmm I'm breastfeeding and I'm delighted to be able to do so. I went into breastfeeding with the attitude of if it works out great but if not then I won't pressure myself and luckily it came easily to me. It can be incredibly stressful for new mothers when it doesn't work out so I'd always encourage anyone to do what works best for them and not put themselves through undue stress at what is already a stressful tone.

*time not tone

Meh. By 10 your child would have probably consumed it's own weight in fruit shoots and haribo. By the time they're a teen they will be mainlining MaCDs.

@CeeceeBloomingdale

Unfortunately BF rates will never increase as the very minute you try and share a positive experience there will be 10 others telling you you're making them feel bad for not BF or not wanting to BF. It's a shame women can't support other women regardless of feeding decisions, I felt like my feeding choice was either ridiculed, belittled or silenced.

The key thing to successful BF is to have support and advice from women who have experienced it positively. As most women who BF are silenced at every opportunity the support isn't there. BF is not the norm any longer sadly.

Well said @CeeceeBloomingdale 👏👏👏

It is not a competition or shaming. I remember with my first when I'm feeding having to listen to someone telling me how breastfeeding didn't work for them and I didn't understand why they were telling me because I honestly do not care how you feed your baby as long as you feed your baby.

I have had three c sections but listening to women talking about their vaginal births or how they'd rather avoid a c-section makes no difference to me. It is a fact that safe uncomplicated vaginal births is best for mother and baby and baby's gut gets colonised with good bacteria during childbirth. You don't get that with c-section and I've never felt a failure for not birthing vaginally.

Maybe there needs to be a revamp of the way breastfeeding classes are run. I always tell pregnant friends hoping to breastfeed to go to breastfeeding groups, see new baby old babies getting fed. Establish your support network BEFORE baby is born. Read up on newborn behavior and what to expect with cluster feeding etc. There is only so much a midwife can do, the worst time to be looking for support is when you have a 3 week old and sore nipples etc. That's the time you ring up the support you already have not try to find support.

Also you have midwives/hv that have never breastfed giving you advice and if it's not working bottle feed when all a new mum wanted was practical advice which the hv cannot give as she's probably never breastfed. Nothing wrong with formula, sometimes being told breastfeeding can be tough is ok. With experience you can troubleshoot to get to the root of the problem.

maybe if ppl knew the benefits it could help them with their decision?

People do know. They've had their whole pregnancy to think about it. I was determined to breastfeed but it turned out to be impossible as my child was born without a suck reflex. People are given plenty of info already. No need to bombard them with more.

Interested to read you’re a scientist.

It sounded as though you were posting an article not a study?

Pregnant women have the benefits of breastfeeding rammed down their throats almost from the moment of conception. It’s constant. You’re handed literature at your first antenatal appointment, the midwife asks what you intend to do at every appointment and you’re strongly encouraged to do it in hospital after birth. It’s pretty relentless. In the end, it really doesn’t matter how you feed your baby as long as it’s fed. I had one bottle fed, one breast fed, and if anything the bottle fed one is healthier with fewer illnesses though there’s not a lot in it. People need to do what’s right for them and their families.

Just like the only person whose opinion is relevant on whether or not to get an abortion is the person whose uterus is involved. The only person whose opinion is relevant to whether or not a baby is breastfed is the person whose breasts would be required.

Any bloke who is pushing for his wife/dp or anyone else to choose formula OR to choose breast needs to be told to stfu not because of the many reasons why bf is beneficial to babies but because it's none of his business.

It's perfectly reasonable to share information about the benefits of breastfeeding generally, but best to preface it sensitivity acknowledging that the bf option isn't available to all women and there's no shame in benefiting from the scientific advances that have made it possible to raise a healthy child with formula milk... and then go on to emphasise that for those situations where breast feeding is possible, the following advantages are known.

@WorraLiberty

To be honest if you posted that, I'd wonder why you bothered?

The majority of people really don't give a shit how others feed their kids. Only a small amount of people tend to get offended by these things IME, and they're generally easy to offend anyway.

But no-one likes a preacher, especially on social media. It's just boring.

^ this Breast feed - good for you Bottle feed - good for you.

I don’t care.

If I want to know the benefits I can google them, or when I was pregnant my MW told me.

My view is that most people would be absolutely mortified to have a picture of their boobs (even partially covered) posted on social media. Yet they love to whack out a boob and post numerous pictures of their child attached to it. Good for you for breastfeeding, great that it works for you. Stop posting your boobs please

The internet is the only place where people seem to care about breast or bottle feeding. In my real life friendships and groups, everyone just gets on with whatever method they choose.

[quote Silverclasp]@MollieMaeve maybe if ppl knew the benefits it could help them with their decision?[/quote]
I think everyone knows breastfeeding is good for baby.

But some people just dont want to.

I just didn't enjoy it. First one I breast fed for 6 months, second one, 6 weeks, 3rd one after a three night hospital stay I phoned DH to go buy bottles and steriliser for when I get home.

Some obscure piece of info about breastfeeding isn't going to change peoples minds.