We can't mention positives of Breastfeeding for fear of offending

[Silverclasp]

Recently there was an interesting thread about a husband not wanting his wife to Breastfeed (he wanted to give formula) posters were highlighting the positives of Breastfeeding (since this was the topic) but there was a response essentially saying that by pointing out the benefits that we are shaming non bf mothers.
It got me thinking that I actively don't speak about bf for this very reason, I feel like if the person I'm talking to doesn't bf it can be seen as "shaming" like I never post anything pro Breastfeeding on SM in case I offend someone. It's kind of ridiculous.
Interested in both sides of the argument.

So say I reposted an article on SM which stated that studies have indicated that breastfed babies have a larger thymus gland than formula fed babies and more tcells as a result. Would this be unreasonable and cause offence to non bf mothers?

@RealBecca I’m not too au fait with plastics but aren’t most bottles BPA free?

I was going to say well chilled bags of breast milk that are warmed in warm water should be ok then (which is what i did) but then the bottles themselves were sterilised at one point and same with the bottles you express into. Ah gah minefield. I’m a little worried now about my use of plastics in my infant feeding journey. I’m expecting my second any day now so it’s something top of my priority list. I’m going to do some research on this.

I agree with your point on being informed, but often the groups that spout ‘informed and supported is best’ are coming out with woo about breastfeeding and harp on about the dangers of formula often when there is a v real risk of a baby becoming underfed. Completely agree that often the answer to a mum struggling with BF is ‘oh just give formula then’ because it’s frankly easier than providing any real support, ‘just give formula’ could have been the slogan of my breastfeeding journey with DD, every single sodding health professional was so woefully undertrained and Ill informed about breastfeeding it was like a chorus of ‘give formula’. If someone had spent the time observing a feed and looking at a latch they could have spotted a tongue tie and that would have been the first step to resolution. At one point, i even got threatened with social services if I didn’t stop breastfeeding. (To clarify DD never dropped centiles but she was SGA so didn’t catch up as quickly as they wanted)

I made myself ill trying desperately to breastfeed both my children. I knew the benefits. I haven't forgiven myself 8 years later. I don't even know what t-cells are but trust me, I knew 'breast is best' thanks.
Why? I just don't get the guilt about bf. There are loads and loads of things we do as parents that are less than perfect, why does bf hold this special place?

Why do people care how other people feed their babies? It's not like the difference between bf and ff is so massive as to constitute harm, so why do you care? As someone above said, it just seems like a way to divide women and/or gain kudos for your own choices.

@Tonyschoco

And here I think is the issue, most people don't have the mental resilience to breastfeed

Wow.

Tbf it's hard in the early days when your nipples are cracked and bleeding and boobs are engorged. The pain of contractions when breastfeeding a second born child.

I was so close to giving up with dc2. Pp wasn't having a go imo

I've extended breastfed two kids for at least 2.5 years each and my biggest annoyance is that nobody discusses the negatives of breastfeeding. And there are a lot of them!

I had an easy ride starting breastfeeding, but it's a shit experience most of the time. Some of my issues are

-shit sleep
-no help from partner for nightfeeds
-not being able to go anywhere without the baby in the early stages if they refuse bottle
-cluster feeding spells when young
-biting when they are older
-People being arseholes about you breastfeeding and saying you are 'making a rod for your own back' and all that crap
-It's also really hard to stop a habit in a child that is used to having it there all of the time, particularly in the night, but no advice as to how you can wean off breast - only 'dont offer, don't refuse' which is probably the most useless advice ever.
-people who have never breastfed telling you that you can just tell the child no When you want to wean (can't do this without a massive meltdown, which I don't have the time or energy to deal with as a FT working parent
-did I mention the complete lack of pumping facilities/spaces in workplaces too?

The reason so many give up early is nobody forewarns people that it is quite hard sometimes. I think we actually need to be honest about breastfeeding and understand it is not always compatible with modern life/working mothers. We need to encourage mix feeding as a solution, instead of a formula vs breast approach.

Given that I've spent six years of my life breastfeeding, I consider myself a well experienced breastfeeder and this is my biggest frustration. It's become a badge of honour among some women, who only preach about the benefits, but don't understand that for a lot of women (even ones like me who have breastfed a lot) it is a negative experience. So even people like me would be annoyed at the preaching of the benefits without being honest about the negatives too.

I have a health problem that could have been exacerbated by BF and my obstetrician advised it might not be possible. Seeing posts about positive BF made me feel like utter shit because there was a good chance my body couldn’t do “what it’s designed for”. I consider myself lucky that as it happens I can BF but it wasn’t an easy journey.

I think at some level each “side” of the debate might be quite envious of the other at certain points,” and so look for ways to feel good about the compromised choice that had to make (because even if your combi feed that is still a compromised choice)
Then again, maybe that’s just me?

@heliosunburg it is really hard at the start and I think it doesn't help that people are not usually told that either, they don't want to tell women it's hard because it'll put them off breastfeeding but by not telling them it makes them feel like they are doing it wrong. I can imagine without adequate support I could have given up.

@Thecurliestwurly
We crossed post but completely agree.
It can be wonderful and there are lots of benefits but it can also be really really tough.

Yes @Thecurliestwurly everything you say is absolutely correct. Except no one else talks about this. It’s total taboo

Factual information is fine but sometimes it goes too far and people can become quite superior (same for birth without pain relief). I was incredibly well informed on the benefits, never intended to do anything else but was unable to breastfeed and felt like a massive failure. As the midwives gave no advice about formula, I was largely clueless (and see many people that are on safe preparation). Even going to the formula websites to get advice I was confronted by lots of messages re breast is best that were just irritating.

I agree with the post above that more information on mixed feeding rather than a polarised breast versus bottle would be helpful. I remember one of my friends being v irritated by the fact she didn’t count in the breastfeeding stats because of her one formula bottle a day for 6 weeks. She breastfed for well over a year with both of hers but felt it wasn’t ‘good enough’ for some because she hadn’t exclusively breastfed.

@Namechangetimes100

BPA was banned but most plastic bottles are propylene and the tests were on those :(

Take a look at this, it gives an overview and some advice about heating or making formula in alternatives (presumably you can transfer them to the plastic bottles afterwards, i think its just the heating up thats the problem (i think its the same principal for heating up food in a microwave- dont use plastic)

www.verywellfamily.com/plastic-baby-bottles-shed-millions-of-particles-of-microplastics-5083893

I really hope i havent upset you or anyone, its just another problem thing the modern world- trying to do your best only to find theres another problem to deal with. I guess its that old phrase about a million people doing something small makes a big difference... If we all try our best, even if we dont always make the "perfect" choice (which doesnt exist) then overall things should hopefully turn out ok. Microplastics really scare me and are scarily unavoidable.

Im really sorry to hear about your journey, that all just sounds awful. I had the same experience RE just give formula. I absolutely swear they are just underresourced so badly they do anything to get us signed off the books. Im not sure what SGA is im afraid but i hope she is ok X

@Bunnycat101 I agree with you.

I have such respect for women who have given birth without pain relief though, My god I was induced and lasted only 2 hours of contractions before I was screaming for the epidural.
I def wouldn't be offended if someone posted a study that showed the benefits of an unmedicated birth, I made my decision at the time and it was right for me.

I have such respect for women who have given birth without pain relief though

Again, why?
Childbirth isn't some sort of competition with winners and losers. It's just about getting your baby out and hoping you both come though it safety.

@RealBecca nooooo don’t be silly, I just hadn’t thought, feel a little guilty and mad at myself about it now though. I’d seen a plastic world/ ocean too! I never made formula in the bottles, always breast milk so no hot hot water was ever put in but they were sterilised and my DDs water bottle is a plastic one. Balls!
I’m really glad you mentioned it though as I’ve done some reading and now bought a glass bottle for dc2 and a stainless steel water beaker for DD. If you hadn’t mentioned it we’d have probably carried on with the plastic ones, so shout out to you! Thanks! Now I just need to invest in cast iron pots and pans!

Oh btw SGA means small for gestational age (born under 9th centile) meaning she was measuring small throughout my pregnancy and had to be born early. Extra challenging breastfeeding a small baby…. Breastfeeding is blamed for everything but we did nearly 2 years

"And here I think is the issue, most people don't have the mental resilience to breastfeed."

FFS 🙄

[quote Silverclasp]@Ginger1982 if you were proud of something you wouldn't mention it to anyone? Job promotion, Ran a marathon, Painted a picture etc
Some people like to share when they have achieved something they are proud of.[/quote]
I literally wouldn't say, 'I've got a new job, I'm really proud of myself.' Would you?

@Kendodd I have respect for them because I found it so painful and difficult I can't imagine doing it without pain relief. I'm not saying they are winners and I'm a loser for choosing the epidural.... I'm just saying I think they are awesome because they did something that I found too difficult to endure.
Haven't you ever had respect for someone who was able to do something you couldn't?
Like people who can do 100 pull ups or run a marathon..... I can't do those things but I think those that can are awesome.

@Ginger1982 noone says it in that way but it's implied, look at this medal I won. Look at this picture I painted etc
There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself.

But why would I want to endure the pain if I didn't have to?

I literally wouldn't say, 'I've got a new job, I'm really proud of myself.' Would you?

I would!

If someone is sober for a year they can be proud of themselves and say to their friends "guess what I'm sober a year today and I'm really proud to have gotten to this point" and most people would say "well done! That's amazing. You're doing great".
If I was to say "guess what! I'm breastfeeding a year today and I'm really proud to have gotten to this point" I'm being braggy, smug, holier than thou, shaming other mums.

Why would you post it on your social media? Are you a midwife?!

@Kendodd that's your decision to make.
There are many benefits to both mum and baby in an unmedicated birth. Noone is forcing anyone to do it one way or another, I'm just saying I think those that do it without pain relief are awesome because I found it so hard.

@Babyboomtastic thank you for sharing the outcome of that study. I was originally looking for quantified benefits to try and mitigate the negative effects of not breast feeding so it's reassuring to me that these effects are not as large as sometimes implied. It used to really frustrate me that the claims were never referenced or measurable.