DP riled me up AIBU?

[DustandDander]

Bit of background. Dp and I together 5 years, we have 2 dc age 1 & 3. We had a break for a few months when dc 2 was young as things got a bit rocky and it wasn't healthy for any of us. Anyway we have reconciled and things have been wonderful.

While we were apart his parents suggested he, our dc, and other family members go abroad next year. At this point I didn't say yes or no as I wasn't sure. We get back together and it was suggested I go on this holiday. I said I think it's best to wait to make sure we're secure before I commit to going (bearing in mind nothing is booked as yet.) He decided for me and tells them I'm going, WITHOUT my 15 year old DD (as she wouldn't want to go) 🙄 which has royaly pissed me off. Bearing in mind he won't speak to her or have any conversation, it's obvious he sees her as a thorn in his side.

I said let's compromise on an ALTERNATIVE, if things are good next year why don't we book for the 5 of us - sensible I think. He said great but I'm still going to take the youngest dc on this year. Er that's not an alternative that's an addition!

I'm really quite riled that 1, he made the decision for me and left my DD out 2, he thinks it's okay to take our young dc abroad on their first holiday without their mum when I suggested a completely reasonable alternative.

Your thoughts please.

He left your daughter out! That is heartbreaking 💔 I would be letting him go completely. That’s just awful.

Why did You get back with him when he treats your daughter like shit?

You sound just as bad as him tbh to have taken him back into your life. Your poor dd.

I'd be putting my daughter first and telling him in no uncertain terms that she is part of your family and not to be excluded. If he wants her out of the equation I'd be telling him to live and go on holiday on his own.

He won't speak to your daughter?? When did that start?

I think that this is a decision that should be agreed upon between the 2 of you and not just decided by him. You have also offered a solution to the situation with offering to go away as 5. I think I would stand my ground here as you do not want to signal to anyone that ypu are ok with your dd being left out of anything

He doesn’t speak to your dd and doesn’t want her to go on holiday with you all as a family???

That’s a leave the bastard response from me!

@ZeroFuchsGiven that's harsh and not at all helpful

What about him ignoring the alternative and us all going together (even though now that's unlikely), and STILL wanting to take the young dc abroad without me.

Trust me my kids are number 1, 100% my priority.

@ZeroFuchsGiven they used to have a good relationship. She comes begore him always.

Sounds like your relationship is still not healthy OP.

What sort of childcare split did you have whilst separated? If he did not have the little one particuarly a significant period of time then I would be saying NO they are too young to be away for a week or more yet. If he was RP or the split was nearer 50:50 then I guess it is life for parents of separated children.

For the sake of your 15 year old - and the fact that he thinks he can treat you as he sees fit - however I would be reconsidering this relationship again.

Eh? You casually insert the fact that your DP refuses to speak to your 15 year old daughter! No way would I be putting up with that behaviour from a grown man. Your poor DD.

[quote Teaandtoastedbiscuits]@ZeroFuchsGiven that's harsh and not at all helpful[/quote]
Yes it is harsh, She is has allowed a man in her life that treats her 15yo DD like shit. Im not going to tell her she is a wonderful parent as she is not.

Oh and make sure that the DC have passports and that they are in your possiession along with their other documents so that he cannot do these things without your agreement - or that of a court.

Why are you not riled about the way he treats your daughter? you sound more bothered about the holiday than the way he treats her.

He said yes we'll go as a family of 5 next year absolutely but still wants to take the youngest with me. Take take take. So my solution pretty much fell on deaf ears! I've been away from my dc for ONE night in their lives. His thinking is utterly delusional in my mind.

My thought is you shouldn't be with a man who treats your daughter like that.

Him and my dd used to really get on, it's since we got back together it's been different.

What's the history like between him and your teenage daughter?

Bearing in mind he won't speak to her or have any conversation, it's obvious he sees her as a thorn in his side.

Forget the holiday, it's a red herring.

Why did you reconcile with a DP who openly dislikes your DD?
How do you think she feels about you getting back together with a ridiculous manchild who refuses to speak to her?

Echoing other posters what are you doing with a man who won't speak to your eldest and deliberately excludes her. The holiday issue should be the least of your concerns

@DustandDander

Him and my dd used to really get on, it's since we got back together it's been different.

Ok, in what ways and why?

What support did she have during this period of instability and uncertainty?

Just say no?

If you heard how I kicked off last night my main point was about my daughter. I told him she and our dc will always be my priority, always come first. How dare he try to leave her out like she's nothing!! She'll always be above him, even above my own parents!

But I'm expected to leave her out. Not a chance. Expected to let him Swan off with our dc despite being a reasonable alternative where we can ALL be together? Not a chance. He's deluded.

How are you putting your daughter first right now by being with a man who refuses to acknowledge her and views her as a thorn in his side?
For how long do you intend to continue put her first by staying with a man who refuses to acknowledge her and sees her as a thorn in his side?

So what was going to happen to your poor daughter if you had gone on holiday as he planned?

is this the same man that you described as abhorrent and a narcissist back in July when he wanted to introduce your kids to a new partner?

Seriously give your head a wobble.