AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

[quote Cornettoninja]@Ozanj I did go to the effort of writing that fruit isn’t something to be avoided, I just wanted to make the point that fruit isn’t an inert, totally healthy option depending on what your aim is. But then wasn’t it milk (specifically milk at bedtimes) that was identified as a major cause of tooth decay in young children in recent years?

My personal rule for food/drinks now is if you really enjoy it, it probably needs to be consumed in moderation! [/quote]
Lol that’s a good rule. It was milk after brushing that caused the decay. People who stop eating after brushing are fine.

Also, I wasn’t given sugar as a baby and small toddler. I also didn’t have my own first birthday cake (I’m told, as I obviously don’t remember). I only started to have a bit of home made cake and pudding a bit later. I’m not a drug dealer, I eat sugar in moderation only, and still love fruit. I also have healthy teeth.
As she can’t have the same amount of salt as an adult can, she also doesn’t have some of the saltier food we sometimes have. She obviously can’t have alcohol. Why is sugar that different?

This thread is bonkers!

I just cannot believe people are having a go at the OP because she will not give sugar to her DD when there is no need for sugar, her DD does not know what she is missing and she is clearly not upset and enjoyed her raspberries! Also not giving added sugar at that age is in line with NHS guidelines too. My DC's nursery do have some occasional sugary treats (which I find surprising but anyway), and I have asked them to steer my DC towards fruit or plain yoghurt instead. They have been happy to accommodate and DC has never complained about being given fruit or yoghurt when others are having cupcakes and biscuits.

Haha madness.

I am 100% with you OP.

@Nearthelooplease

Loving the suggestions that it was odd to have a cake at all and we should just have served everyone raspberries. Because that wouldn’t be odd either

I think it would have been much less odd!

“Lily is a bit little for cake at the moment so we’re going to have a fruit platter instead because raspberries are her favourite”

vs

“Lily is a bit little for cake still. So we’ll get a chocolate cake for her guests while she has some raspberries”

It reminds me slightly of something that happened to me a few years ago. I’m dairy free (through choice admittedly) so I can’t eat the majority of ‘standard’ cakes. In one job I worked in one of my colleagues brought in a cake for my birthday… that she knew full well I couldn’t/wouldn’t eat. She actually said “I’ve baked a cake for your birthday” and then when I said how kind that was she said “oh it’s got butter in so you can’t eat it, but everyone else can!”.

I still can’t quite believe it now

I would change childminder though. She’s not listening to what you’re telling her.

That reminded me of DDs Christening. She liked strawberries so the day before I went a picked a big basket of strawberries. Set the table for her party and centre was the big glass bowl overflowing with strawberries with a jug either side with cream instead of cake.

Was a bit of a mistake, guests watched the table like hawks and as soon as one person went for strawberries they all piled in. For the next Christening I decided strawberries were a good bet but I didn't put them out till the savouries were finished.

This thread is nuts.

If the OP's DD was like mine at 1 she will not eat her own birthday cake but prefer to and actually only eat raspberries and (natural) yoghurt.

It's ok to give the young toddler a taste of cake because it is a peers birthday - a peer being a similar aged child - it is not ok to give the child a donut, a lemon curd sandwich or a chocolate biscuit.

What kind of children's celebrations have these as the main theme? None.

My own CM is well aware you don't regularly give toddlers such stuff and doesn't. She actually gave me a leaflet on dental hygiene soon after she started minding DD.

I’m offended on behalf of low-carb drug dealers.

@Fidgetty

It's obvious why so many DC become obese looking at this thread! What 1yo needs cake and biscuits?! I did the exact same as you OP, the same with the birthday cake too. As long as they didn't know any better I didn't give it to them - why would I?!

I also had the same issue with the childminder funnily enough. I remember the first day I went to pick my DC up and my youngest, who was 13 months at the time, had a face covered in chocolate from a biscuit - I was horrified it was just so unnecessary at that age. I didn't say anything as they only went one day per week and I desperately needed that day as there was no alternative childcare available but if they had gone there more often I definitely would have said something. It's mostly used to bribe/shut them up - which is how you really do end up with food issues, and is just lazy. YANBU

Obesity is more complex than this. It’s known for example that wealthier parents can produce slimmer kids even when their diets are considered ‘crap’ by NHS standards. The NHS advice to limit sugar is aimed at parents who don’t have access to safe play spaces and / or high quality food. A big slice of home made cake, for example, might have 500 calories but the real ingredients in it will also give you nutrition and it’s probably a balanced meal overall in terms of fat, protein, complex carbs (if you use wholewheat or nut powders) which can help you feel full. A big slice of shop bought cake using extracts and powders and additives will give you the same amount of calories but probably not nearly as much nutrition and so won’t help you feel as full. Cooking your own food often also burns calories - it’s often ignored but hand whisking cream or kneading dough for 30 mins straight or even standing to cook 40 hot rotis does burn calories.

@RobinPenguins

I think you’re a bit OTT about sugar (good luck when they get older), but when you’re paying for childcare it’s not unreasonable to expect them to take your views into account and provide food accordingly.

"good luck when they get older"? Well that's the point isn't it? To give a baby the best start of no added sugar and a range of healthy foods. This enables them to learn to eat to appetite, rather than over eating because junk food is designed to override your body's signalling.

Jesus, it's like saying 'well good luck keeping them off the whisky when they're older'. That's the point, it's a baby

@Ohpulltheotherone

Creating a “good” or “bad” mindset around food is really unhealthy. We should be taught to eat in moderation from all food groups - including those which are less nutritionally valuable. If your child doesn’t like something then fair enough but I wouldn’t ban sugar - youre introducing damaging concepts that way. That said, as a baby it doesn’t matter - just when she’s older I mean

Agree on the whole, but can we stop pretending that things factory-made with palm oil and high fructose corn syrup should be counted as food? Because they're not, and they're designed to leave you eating and wanting more. There's no reason for them - check your labels, chuck it out.

@Ozanj but I haven’t banned anything- I just haven’t introduced it to her diet yet. Just like you didn’t introduce cake until the day of your child’s first birthday.

Your child’s favourite food is prawn dumplings. Is this relevant?

My dgd doesn't even have a sweet tooth, but all the cartoons she watches tell her that the most wonderful thing in the world is cake.

I'm thinking that maybe the childminder felt guilty when all the other children were having biscuits, donut ect and didn't want to leave your little on out or her to get upset. If you don't want her to have those types of food although my personal thought that in moderation is ok) then she really should be respecting your wishes or it may be best to send her somewhere else, maybe think about friendships formed and routines ect. The birthday issue, if your daughter likes to eat fruit and wanted that then fair enough if you wanted to give her some of the cake then so be it if you don't because she's had enough sugary snacks that day that's ultimately up to you, you didn't deprive your child nor set them up for eating disorder in later life,
Should you tell the child minder why you have removed her, yes to avoid this happening with other families in the future.
Again if you don't want to then that's ok to!
Your decisions on how you raise your children

OP I’m totally with you on sugar. I don’t want to fight about it so we don’t offer it to DC. She’s 3 and still thought that the sweeties at Halloween were to give to other children. She’ll find out eventually but why not postpone that day? My dad is constantly lobbying me to give her more sugar and just, WHY?!

We also develop our tastes for sugar & salt when we’re young so to me it makes sense to limit it.

And re cake, literally the child doesn’t care so why doesn’t it matter if she has the cake?

We also served champagne for the grown ups at DS' first birthday...we didn't give him any and he's never mentioned any deep-seated resentment. Still time for him to become a drug dealer though

@Pbbananabagel

Also pdon’t forget, a child’s birthday is also a milestone for the mum - it’s a year since you brought that miracle into the world, you bet your ass the mum deserves cake to celebrate if she wants it!

Too bloody right! I nearly died giving birth to her and I haven’t had a full nights sleep for a year. She’s worth all of it but my god do I deserve some delicious cake

@Happyhappyday mine doesn't yet know about sweeties at Halloween. She just thinks you dress up and are able to buy toys you can't get at other times of the year.

And the ice cream van jingle is just music.....

@georgarina

We also served champagne for the grown ups at DS' first birthday...we didn't give him any and he's never mentioned any deep-seated resentment. Still time for him to become a drug dealer though

This is even more absurd than cake-gate. Why do adults need to consume alcohol at a childrens birthday get-together?

@girlmom21 children's birthday parties are often the only time parents with young children are able to go out and socialise with others.

It is actually common at young children's birthday parties I've been to even before I had my own child for both parents to turn up. It means there are more adults than children so people take it in turns to keep an eye on a few children.

I hate to throw this into the mix but a PP seriously needs to look at the salt content of prawns before giving them to a six-month old baby…

There is absolutely no reason to give a child of that age anything other than fruit. They don’t need it, and if they don’t have it they won’t want it. It is sad how normalised poor childhood nutrition has become that so many people are convinced that a 14 mo should be having cake!

You do sound very hypocritical, OP. And you keep repeating that "she's a baby who doesn't understand". At 14 months my DC were noticing food at the table and were very curious about everything, so I find it hard to believe she couldn't see or understand that you were eating something else. Like you, I was careful about my DC's sugar intake when they were young. But unlike you, I chose to make a sugar free 1st birthday cake, which we all shared.
Children start seeing and learning from a very young age. You can laugh all you want at other posters, but what you have already set for you daughter is extremely rigid and controlling (also mean and bonkers).

@FallingStar21

You do sound very hypocritical, OP. And you keep repeating that "she's a baby who doesn't understand". At 14 months my DC were noticing food at the table and were very curious about everything, so I find it hard to believe she couldn't see or understand that you were eating something else. Like you, I was careful about my DC's sugar intake when they were young. But unlike you, I chose to make a sugar free 1st birthday cake, which we all shared. Children start seeing and learning from a very young age. You can laugh all you want at other posters, but what you have already set for you daughter is extremely rigid and controlling (also mean and bonkers).

Mean and bonkers! But by your own admission you also didn’t give sugar to your DD on her first birthday. Instead you made everyone else eat sugar free cake. Which may have seemed a bit mean and bonkers to your guests.

I think the occasional treat is fine but that's by the by. The fact your childminder is repeatedly ignoring your requests would be a concern for me.

Well as a MN thread about food, this doesn't disappoint 😆

I honestly have never seen anything like this. Totally fascinating/mind boggling. The whole thread is now Unreasonable! It is totally odd that the OP asks about her childminder and there are 10s of people saying "you should give a 1 year old cake! Maddness