AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

@SoSobored

I honestly have never seen anything like this. Totally fascinating/mind boggling. The whole thread is now Unreasonable! It is totally odd that the OP asks about her childminder and there are 10s of people saying "you should give a 1 year old cake! Maddness

Utter madness. I wonder when the right time is to announce that I also have a toilet brush and invited evening guests to my wedding. Sadly no poem asking for money though.

At 1 my kid had zero interest in cake and fricking loved raspberries. I bet yours couldn't believe how lucky she was to get her birthday berries!

I hope your dd had the choice of cake on her birthday if she wanted it not just raspberries. I know a friend who's got a severe eating disorder due to banned foods as a child.

Really? A 1 year old? Surely there are lots of banned foods at that age. Anyway raspberries are much nicer than cake!

@girlmom21 in that case why have 1st birthday party at all? The baby is too young to enjoy it or know what is happening.

Let's be honest that the party is far more for the adults than the child (and there is nothing wrong with that - we don't need to justify it)

@FallingStar21

You do sound very hypocritical, OP. And you keep repeating that "she's a baby who doesn't understand". At 14 months my DC were noticing food at the table and were very curious about everything, so I find it hard to believe she couldn't see or understand that you were eating something else. Like you, I was careful about my DC's sugar intake when they were young. But unlike you, I chose to make a sugar free 1st birthday cake, which we all shared. Children start seeing and learning from a very young age. You can laugh all you want at other posters, but what you have already set for you daughter is extremely rigid and controlling (also mean and bonkers).

Mean and bonkers for not seeing the need for her small child to eat what is more or less poison to the human body?

Oh but its ok for you to enjoy a piece of her birthday cake.

I think you need to practise what you preach OP.

If you dont want her having sugar, fine. Eat raspberries with her and enjoy them.

what is more or less poison to the human body? confused

Omg this is mad. Too much sugar is unhealthy. A little is not fucking poison.its a source of easy energy/calories, which a growing child will easily use.

@Grabmygran I am tempted to nominate this for classics due to the complete insanity of some responses...🤣

[quote morechocolateneededtoday]@girlmom21 in that case why have 1st birthday party at all? The baby is too young to enjoy it or know what is happening.

Let's be honest that the party is far more for the adults than the child (and there is nothing wrong with that - we don't need to justify it)[/quote]
Well, quite.
1 year olds don't need birthday parties.

But if all the adults insist on seeing a 1 year old on their birthday I think it's in bad taste to all be consuming alcohol.

Nobody's going to sit on the floor with a glass of champagne playing with the baby - who should be the focus of the day.

It makes much more sense to stagger visits and actually interact with the child.

You've done the right thing OP - it's important to find the right childminder for your child. Someone else will think the previous childminder is amazing, but she's not right for your family.

DD slept through her first birthday and I certainly didn't give her any cake. I wouldn't have given any of my DC any of their own first birthday cake! They'd have been two before I let them eat cake.

FIL used to feed the DC donuts, and probably coke. But he also provided free childcare occasionally so I sucked it up. Definitely no donuts at 14 months though!

Fruit is bloody awful for teeth, that’s not to say to avoid it completely but it’s not completely negated by the fact fruit has more nutritional benefits.

That's rubbish. There's no evidence that fruit is bad for teeth at all. Tooth decay occurs as a result of refined sugar - not fruit. We have evolved with fruit and can deal with it. There are studies showing that children eating fruit have less dental decay than those who don't. That also includes raisins by the way.

Things that are bad for teeth are firstly - and by far the most important - genetics, followed by refined sugar and constant snacking.

As a late teen I nannied for some children who weren’t allowed sugar. They were thin and weedy and would have melt downs in the corner shops as they were desperate for sweets. One ended up a drug dealer despite them being a very upper middle class family

I'm going to assume that no sugar really wasn't the problem here!

@DuchessSilver

At 1 my kid had zero interest in cake and fricking loved raspberries. I bet yours couldn't believe how lucky she was to get her birthday berries!

We did raspberries and blueberries on the cake for DDs first... Win win. DD scoffed the berries first and then the bit if cake they were on after lol

@DeepaBeesKit

what is more or less poison to the human body? confused

Omg this is mad. Too much sugar is unhealthy. A little is not fucking poison.its a source of easy energy/calories, which a growing child will easily use.

There's nothing beneficial for the human body in sugar, it is pretty much a poison- not sure why you're so defensive about that. Sure having a bit is fine, but some posters acting like it's cruel and inhumane for a one year old to not have it is really weird. At least with fruit there's also nutrients, vitamins and fibres; can't say a lot of snacks and treats are the same.

YANBU to expect your childminder to respect your wishes. Buying your child a birthday cake they aren’t allowed to eat whilst you eat it instead is baffling. Why have a birthday cake at all in that case?

I think you'd be mad to move her if your baby is happy there. She is telling you the truth when she could have just not told you about the treats. That's says she's very honest ! You could be none the wiser if she didn't say anything

Absolutely tell her. I'd be furious!!!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake You didnt even give her a bite of her own birthday cake alongside her strawberries?

Yeah, this. A bit much not to give her some of her own cake!

I was the same as you with sugary things, but I wouldn’t have not let her have some of her own cake!

I bet yours couldn’t believe how lucky she was to get her birthday berries!

As I’ve said upthread I don’t disagree with not giving the child cake - I would have given it but it’s just up to individual parenting. But comments like this and the one upthread about the birthday girl luckily eating the berries while the family had to struggle through the ‘sugary claggy cake’ are just daft.

You don't like the childminder so you are right to move DD because you're her parent.

However can't say I'd much like a parent who gave their child raspberries and not even a bite of her own cake.

Everyone's different and should do what's best for them 🤷‍♀️

@MsTSwift

As a late teen I nannied for some children who weren’t allowed sugar. They were thin and weedy and would have melt downs in the corner shops as they were desperate for sweets. One ended up a drug dealer despite them being a very upper middle class family.

@MsTSwift please do explain the nutritional benefits of sugar that prevents children growing up thin and weedy. I'm sure as a trained nanny you've probably covered paediatric nutrition?

I can’t believe the pp’s who think a 1 year old baby may suffer for not getting a piece of cake.
Absolutely crazy!
My dd is 30 now and would still prefer a bag of cherries to cake.
And your cm is lazy to offer sugary food when with a bit of effort she could give a healthy and scrumptious alternative.

@Starcaller

I also don't get the 'she doesn't need' it argument. Neither do you or the rest of the family, but you were all quite merrily scoffing her cake!

Indeed!

I simply can't imagine the scene. Everyone eating birthday girl's cake while she's not allowed any! One of the weirdest things I've read in this place.

I’m not sure what is so hard to imagine about the scene? A room with a baby sat in her high chair giggling and eating raspberries and the adults/other children helping themselves to a table of food which included cake. If it helps there were other babies and children there also eating the raspberries.

You're right about the childminder, she should be following your wishes. Anyway, it sounds like your DD doesn't care if the other children get some and she gets fruit or something else healthy, so it shouldn't be a difficult thing to accommodate. I expect it would get harder as she gets older, but it sounds like your particular concern is her not having sugar while she's very little.

If you're happy with the childminder in general and she's settled, I don't think I'd withdraw her without having one last really firm word with the childminder and saying that you are really concerned that she's ignoring your request. On the other hand, I can see that the fact that she's ignoring your requests is concerning in itself, it's a tough one.

Re the birthday cake thing, I do find it slightly unusual to buy a birthday cake for someone who can't eat it, but if she was happy with her raspberries then I don't see why it matters. My DS was also a raspberry fiend at the same age and would have preferred it to cake