AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

@goldfinchfan

Well done OP for your position on not yet giving cake to your baby. My DD was not given any sugar until approaching 2years old......and it was grandparents that kept giving her pieces of chocolate. DD is now over 40 years old. She is not particularly sweettoothed. She enjoys her food. What I noticed most is that she was far healthier than many children of her age. She did not get the colds and bugs most do. Sugar is a health destroyer. So the longer children don't have it then the healthier they can be. I envy her as I find going without sugar really difficult. Once you ahve a taste for it you get hooked. It is really like a drug and kicks off an addiction.

Also I used to make our own cakes because then the cakes are far less sweet. I find shop bought cakes too sweet and sickly.
My daughter doesn't really like cakes. She prefers chocolate for a treat.
Keep strong. You are doing the right thing for your DD.

Home made cake is definitely less sweet. This is why lunchtime puddings at nurseries are made on site. Most home made cake has less significantly less sugar per portion than a single petit filous.

@Grabmygran
"I only ever eat cake in front of older DD when she’s allowed some too."
And the rest of the time you slope off behind a cupboard door/ into the loo to scoff whatever you like...🤣
(That's what I do anyway...!)

@WheelieBinPrincess

I’m sorry but now I can’t get over the image of her eating a bowl of raspberries while you all tuck into her birthday cake 😂

That does seem a bit extreme. Stepmum was extremely anti sugar and sweets, so they became so valuable to me as a child. A bit of birthday cake won’t harm a child. Once they go to school and go to parties, policing sugar is impossible.

Not unreasonable. It smacks of CM feeling she knows better and not valuing or respecting your choices. That would bother me.

Bloody hell there are so many bonkers posts on here, I didn't give my own son any sweets or items with added sugar in when he was a baby and he got water or milk to drink. He's 37 now and doesn't have a single filling.
He doesn't have a sweet tooth either and is a great cook, he cooks everything from scratch.
I'd rather than than him having no teeth like so many of the people his own age do around here. Stuffing your kids with sugar is not treating them it's just giving them a lifetime of poor health.
Why don't you give them a cigarette as a "treat" too and be done with it.

[quote notsurewhattheproblemis]@TrufflesAndToast sadly it seems so from their thread. People saying 'oh but fruit and yoghurt have sugar, so they are no better' make me despair - fruit and (some) yoghurt also have lots GOOD in them, cake and sweets are empty nutritionally.[/quote]
Fruit is bloody awful for teeth, that’s not to say to avoid it completely but it’s not completely negated by the fact fruit has more nutritional benefits.

There was some talk a few years ago about removing fruit from the ‘five a day’ message since the (natural) sugar content and the acidity issues for teeth causes problems when people think eating five portions of fruit is really healthy. We should be eating five portions of vegetables really…

Tbh if you dig down enough in to most food groups you’ll find a list of pros and cons. The best route is balance and moderation but it’s become massively skewed by our obsessions with following fads which don’t really facilitate learning moderation.

I'd rather than than him having no teeth like so many of the people his own age do around here.

Where do you live that's full of 37 year olds with no teeth?!

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake You didnt even give her a bite of her own birthday cake alongside her strawberries?

Agreed. YABU for being a bit over precious personally. But I understand why you've moved her due to the CM not listening.

@Pbbananabagel

For some reason OP, I’ve found that some people take your making a choice about sugar for your kids as implying you are judging them for choosing differently. My sister has been the same with me. I made my baby an oat and fruit sugarless cake for his birthday and we ate a separate birthday cake. Had his first ever piece of sugary cake on his second birthday, we occasionally bake cakes now and he has had the odd bit of kinder chocolate or the like on special occasions. He doesn’t miss a thing. First time I gave him chocolate he took a bite.. then handed it back and continued eating his favourite food - a sandwich. The American health board people are now recommending children don’t eat sugary treats or cake until 2 yrs of age and it won’t be long till the nhs follow suit. I agree your CM should be following what you want to do and providing appropriate snack alternatives- your daughter is 14 months old. Nuff said!

I gave my DS his first bite of dark chocolate at 6 months because he wanted it. He got his first bite of cake on his 1st birthday - I made it myself using real ingrediants including sugar. I’m always happy for him to eat any good quality food he wants and there are no restrictions on what he eats just how much. Now almost 2, his favourite food is still prawn dumplings (same as it was when he was 6 mths old) and he will throw everything aside for it. Healthy eating is about building and demonstrating healthy habits - not banning something for your child while you scoff it in front of them.

[quote notsurewhattheproblemis]@Grabmygran
"I only ever eat cake in front of older DD when she’s allowed some too."
And the rest of the time you slope off behind a cupboard door/ into the loo to scoff whatever you like...🤣
(That's what I do anyway...!) [/quote]
Yep!

@Hardbackwriter

I'd rather than than him having no teeth like so many of the people his own age do around here.

Where do you live that's full of 37 year olds with no teeth?!

Somewhere with a high level of crystal meth usage I imagine!

This thread is the nuts!

OP my DS is 22 months. At 1 year old we were restricted by covid on numbers but managed a small celebration outside with our bubble and had a lovely cake. DC had never had cake and was still at the weaning stage of mostly having milk. His favourite thing to eat at the time was yoghurt and strawberries. So he had that and was pleased as punch and we had cake.

Now at 22 months he is more interested in what we're eating so if we are having something that is 'treat like' he can have a small bowl to himself depending on what it is. But he has only had chocolate once! I make flapjacks and coconut biscuits and all sorts that he adores but they are occasional and I absolutely wouldn't have given them to him at 1.

YANBU as the childminded didn't listen to your preferences.

I hope my DC doesn't turn out a drug addicted waif with an eating disorder as some posters have suggested!

Once they go to school and go to parties, policing sugar is impossible.

I'm slightly shocked by these posts. It's easy to see why we have poor teeth and diabetes.

Never heard of this idea that sugar should be introduced to a small child otherwise they'll get hooked on it later. Or the idea that eating cake in front of a child who doesn't have a concept of cake (but does love their raspberries) is weird. It would be weird to take away the raspberries and give cake. They don't even know it's their birthday! The whole thing is cracked.

The op is on a great roll here. She should stay on it as long as possible for health reasons and to develop a sensitive palette that continues to discern the sugars in fruit and some vegetables. Her baby is growing fast. The priority is consuming lots and lots of nutritious foods, but developing a healthy relationship with processed sugar. That is not a problem for today.

There was some talk a few years ago about removing fruit from the ‘five a day’ message since the (natural) sugar content and the acidity issues for teeth causes problems when people think eating five portions of fruit is really healthy. We should be eating five portions of vegetables really…

We should be ending our meals with dairy (or an equivalent) brushing / flossing our teeth twice a day and avoiding juice. That’s the dental message we should be taking on. Not giving up fruit.

not

It's funny how people think you're being cruel by not giving your child sugary shite they seem to think the child is missing out somehow

I'm just really impressed now I've realised that this isn't your PFB, OP. DS1 was allowed cake for the very first time on his first birthday, but 9 month old DS2 has, erm, sampled a few sweet treats already...

@Grabmygran my DD does have an eating disorder and of all the possible reasons we've explored - not having cake on her 1st birthday has never emerged as a possibility.... I'll ring her therapist now...

In all seriousness, I wish posters on here wouldn't throw ED's around lightly - they are the mental health issue with the highest mortality rate - not to be used to chide a poster's decision making about a 1 year old.

I think you've made the right choice re childminders and am sorry for the bonkers-ness of this thread. #teamraspberries

I agree that its more the not listening and respecting your wishes that was the issue, with childcare you should always go with your gut, and in this case seemed right to find someone else. I also don't know why some are so outraged by the idea of not giving a very young child sugary shite

Creating a “good” or “bad” mindset around food is really unhealthy. We should be taught to eat in moderation from all food groups - including those which are less nutritionally valuable.
If your child doesn’t like something then fair enough but I wouldn’t ban sugar - youre introducing damaging concepts that way.
That said, as a baby it doesn’t matter - just when she’s older I mean

@Ozanj I did go to the effort of writing that fruit isn’t something to be avoided, I just wanted to make the point that fruit isn’t an inert, totally healthy option depending on what your aim is. But then wasn’t it milk (specifically milk at bedtimes) that was identified as a major cause of tooth decay in young children in recent years?

My personal rule for food/drinks now is if you really enjoy it, it probably needs to be consumed in moderation!

@Ozanj I agree with you completely, it is about teaching balance and moderation. Now that my child is old enough to explore food and make choices. Before he was old enough to consciously make choices? I did the best I could to ensure everything he ate was as nutritious as possible including cake and treats.

[quote myrtleWilson]@Grabmygran my DD does have an eating disorder and of all the possible reasons we've explored - not having cake on her 1st birthday has never emerged as a possibility.... I'll ring her therapist now...

In all seriousness, I wish posters on here wouldn't throw ED's around lightly - they are the mental health issue with the highest mortality rate - not to be used to chide a poster's decision making about a 1 year old.

I think you've made the right choice re childminders and am sorry for the bonkers-ness of this thread. #teamraspberries[/quote]
I love #teamraspberries

Sorry to hear about your daughter. I hope she makes a good recovery!

Depends if she was a good childminder or not. I personally wouldn't have cared about the sweet stuff and they definitely got cake on their birthday. Try to balance health with letting your child fit in as they age, demanding your child doesn't have things that the others are eating won't make you popular

It's obvious why so many DC become obese looking at this thread! What 1yo needs cake and biscuits?! I did the exact same as you OP, the same with the birthday cake too. As long as they didn't know any better I didn't give it to them - why would I?!

I also had the same issue with the childminder funnily enough. I remember the first day I went to pick my DC up and my youngest, who was 13 months at the time, had a face covered in chocolate from a biscuit - I was horrified it was just so unnecessary at that age. I didn't say anything as they only went one day per week and I desperately needed that day as there was no alternative childcare available but if they had gone there more often I definitely would have said something. It's mostly used to bribe/shut them up - which is how you really do end up with food issues, and is just lazy. YANBU