AIBU to remove DD from this childminder?

[Grabmygran]

DD is 14 months old. She gets all excited about fruit and yoghurt so I really don’t see any need to give her anything else sugary. I have told childminder this and she has continued to give her sweet things - e.g a donut, a lemon curd sandwich, a chocolate biscuit. There is always a reason such as ‘oh I didn’t think you’d mind as it was X’s birthday and all the other kids had one’. Every time I have repeated that she isn’t to have anything like that. It’s more the not listening to me that worries me than what she’s eaten. I’m well aware a bit of chocolate won’t harm her but she doesn’t need it! On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake. I’ve sorted out a new childminder and she won’t be going back but have I overreacted?! Should I tell her why I have removed DD?

@notsurewhattheproblemis Yep, perfectly aware that I’m an adult and the OPs daughter is a baby, thank you.

The point of my anecdote was that I think it’s strange to have a birthday for someone who can’t eat that cake, not to say ’this is EXACTLY the same as something that once happened to me!’

Hence beginning ‘it reminds me slightly…’

@TrufflesAndToast

I’m reading this thread utterly slack jawed. Some of the absolutely bonkers stuff people are coming out with….are people really this loony?

THE BABY HASN’T GOT A FUCKING CLUE WHAT CAKE IS AND LOVED HER RASPBERRIES! SHE IS NEITHER SCARRED FOR LIFE NOR SET ON AN INEVITABLE PATH TO DRUG DEALING!

I despair.

This post is everything

@Hope478 & @LowlandLucky just how far back do your childhood memories go? I know I don't remember my first birthday or 2nd for that matter... some people might remember their 3rd?
NO ONE EVER GOT AN EATING DISORDER FROM NOT HAVING A FIRST BIRTHDAY CAKE! 🤣🤣

@Anxiousmummy87

I’m childminder, and that’s a lot of sugar! We have to follow healthy eating at the minute too with the new eyfs. Low sugar etc.

I agree. Not only is this childminder ignoring the Op, she's ignoring the guidance recently published by the DofE. Ofsted are particularly hot on dental health at the moment.

What else is she ignoring?

@Hope478

Shes a baby. What's difficult to understand. She had no fucking clue if was a Tuesday, her birthday or 1856. Do you think she went to bed feeling sorry for herself and upset that she didn't eat cake?

There are plenty of things adults do that babies and children can't do. They're not all going around screaming for alcohol, sex and paying there taxes 😂

@TrufflesAndToast

I’m reading this thread utterly slack jawed. Some of the absolutely bonkers stuff people are coming out with….are people really this loony?

THE BABY HASN’T GOT A FUCKING CLUE WHAT CAKE IS AND LOVED HER RASPBERRIES! SHE IS NEITHER SCARRED FOR LIFE NOR SET ON AN INEVITABLE PATH TO DRUG DEALING!

I despair.

This though.

You also wouldn't plate a baby up with a lamb bhuna and poppadoms or a bacon sandwich fried in lard - why? Because whilst it's utterly delicious, it's not food for babies.

Babies don't need cake. Cake isn't healthy, babies should be fed healthy food for as long as possible!

We adopted for a 'don't ask, don't give' when they were old enough to ask they could try it.

@Nearthelooplease

Loving the suggestions that it was odd to have a cake at all and we should just have served everyone raspberries. Because that wouldn’t be odd either

I think it would have been much less odd!

“Lily is a bit little for cake at the moment so we’re going to have a fruit platter instead because raspberries are her favourite”

vs

“Lily is a bit little for cake still. So we’ll get a chocolate cake for her guests while she has some raspberries”

It reminds me slightly of something that happened to me a few years ago. I’m dairy free (through choice admittedly) so I can’t eat the majority of ‘standard’ cakes. In one job I worked in one of my colleagues brought in a cake for my birthday… that she knew full well I couldn’t/wouldn’t eat. She actually said “I’ve baked a cake for your birthday” and then when I said how kind that was she said “oh it’s got butter in so you can’t eat it, but everyone else can!”.

I still can’t quite believe it now

I would change childminder though. She’s not listening to what you’re telling her.

Ah so you know how my DD feels. I hope you haven’t suffered any eating disorders or started selling drugs as a result.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

On her birthday she happily munched on some raspberries while the rest of us had her cake You didnt even give her a bite of her own birthday cake alongside her strawberries?

This. While I agree that a baby doesn't need to have cake, I would not have eaten one either!! Wed have all had something we could share.

@Yourstupidityexhaustsme - love the username - think it's appropriate for this thread too...🤣 we adopted the same policy too. No drug dealers here as of yet. ☺️

Omg some of the comments... Your child WON'T have an eating disorder because they didn't eat cake on their 1st birthday!
I agree with you, mine is 2.5 and I very rarely give her anything besides fruit and yoghurt. I gave her a bit of homemade cake, and a bite of our things, and a handful of times she's had a chocolate biscuit. Does she miss it? No. She's not bothered at all.
Its not the point. It would totally infuriate me if someone I was paying went against my wishes. She would have to go.

I would genuinely love someone to explain to me their reasoning as to why adults who know that they enjoy cake as a treat should have missed out on that, and exactly how that would benefit the completely oblivious baby.

Genuinely, I’m at a loss yet several posters are adamant this would have been the right thing to do so I must be missing something. Please explain, who would this have been a good thing for?

@starfishmummy when should I have started this policy? At 6 months old she ate puréed carrots for dinner. Should we all have eaten the same?

AIBU is actually full of loonies sometimes😂

A 12 month old baby isn't even going to realise that everyone's eating cake whilst she's eating her favourite fruit😂 nor will she remember this day either.
People are talking about the OP 'forbidding food' and setting DD up to have an unhealthy relationship with food.
SHE WAS 12 MONTHS OLD NOT 12 YEARS OLD!!!!

You people always go so crazy when someone does something remotely outside of the norm

Is it outside of the norm not to give a baby cake?

@TrufflesAndToast

Is it outside of the norm not to give a baby cake?

Well according to this thread it is!

When my DD turns one she won't be having cake at all, why at such a young age? However I'll happily be tucking into a nice bit of cake. She'll be none the wiser

@TrufflesAndToast

I would genuinely love someone to explain to me their reasoning as to why adults who know that they enjoy cake as a treat should have missed out on that, and exactly how that would benefit the completely oblivious baby.

Genuinely, I’m at a loss yet several posters are adamant this would have been the right thing to do so I must be missing something. Please explain, who would this have been a good thing for?

I don’t think it’s bad to eat separately from the baby. Of course my kids didn’t eat what I ate from age 9 months because I like salty food and that wasn’t appropriate.

It’s the fact that it was a birthday cake, to celebrate the child’s birthday. And everyone ate it but the birthday child. I don’t think it’s wrong as such, just a bit weird. To me a birthday cake is primarily a treat for the birthday child, to share with the family too. I wouldn’t bother buying one if the birthday child couldn’t eat it.

@TrufflesAndToast sadly it seems so from their thread. People saying 'oh but fruit and yoghurt have sugar, so they are no better' make me despair - fruit and (some) yoghurt also have lots GOOD in them, cake and sweets are empty nutritionally.

Well done OP for your position on not yet giving cake to your baby.
My DD was not given any sugar until approaching 2years old......and it was grandparents that kept giving her pieces of chocolate.
DD is now over 40 years old. She is not particularly sweettoothed.
She enjoys her food.
What I noticed most is that she was far healthier than many children of her age.
She did not get the colds and bugs most do.
Sugar is a health destroyer.
So the longer children don't have it then the healthier they can be.
I envy her as I find going without sugar really difficult. Once you ahve a taste for it you get hooked. It is really like a drug and kicks off an addiction.

Also I used to make our own cakes because then the cakes are far less sweet. I find shop bought cakes too sweet and sickly.
My daughter doesn't really like cakes. She prefers chocolate for a treat.
Keep strong. You are doing the right thing for your DD.

@Grabmygran
You must be really worried about your poor deprived, eating disordered, drug dealing baby. :( kids these days!

YANBU obviously. You need to be able to trust the person who cares for your child.

[quote notsurewhattheproblemis]@MsTSwift your comment just made me laugh..! Obviously I'm sorry for the kid that turned into a drug dealer, but I don't think the lack of sweets as a child caused that...😆
Im with @TrufflesAndToast - this thread is insane but mildly entertaining.
I & other adults there drank Prosecco at my youngest's 1st birthday - as we were celebrating getting through a tough year (lockdown etc) as well as bday. Will my DD now turn into an alcoholic as she saw us having AND ENJOYING the Prosecco but I didn't let her have it?! 🙈🤣🤣[/quote]
I missed this but BRILLIANT response

We also have a Mums at my nursery who insist their toddlers don’t get anything except fruit and yoghurt - their kids all throw tantrums when they’re given stuff that’s even slightly different to the others. So in practice this means taking them out of the room to eat by themselves at lunchtime which can mean they eat less.

For some reason OP, I’ve found that some people take your making a choice about sugar for your kids as implying you are judging them for choosing differently.
My sister has been the same with me.
I made my baby an oat and fruit sugarless cake for his birthday and we ate a separate birthday cake. Had his first ever piece of sugary cake on his second birthday, we occasionally bake cakes now and he has had the odd bit of kinder chocolate or the like on special occasions. He doesn’t miss a thing. First time I gave him chocolate he took a bite.. then handed it back and continued eating his favourite food - a sandwich. The American health board people are now recommending children don’t eat sugary treats or cake until 2 yrs of age and it won’t be long till the nhs follow suit. I agree your CM should be following what you want to do and providing appropriate snack alternatives- your daughter is 14 months old. Nuff said!

@LowlandLucky

Why did you bother to buy a birthday cake ? On one hand you are teaching your child that sugar is bad but being 2 faced and having cake yourself. Apply double standards and you will be in for a shed load of trouble in the years ahead

She’s a baby! She does not know! Trust me I’m well aware that you need to lead by example when they are older. I only ever eat cake in front of older DD when she’s allowed some too.

@Grabmygran ignore the comments about your parenting choices. I think we did the same with cake at my son's first birthday!
He didn't notice, didn't want it and didn't need it.

We avoid juice, just give Greek yoghurt and avoid biscuits/cakes etc too. My children are being brought up active and sporty. Hopefully when they are older, they'll be able to make good food choices and exercise moderation, especially with the guidance of other adults e.g. sports leaders/trainers.

Also pdon’t forget, a child’s birthday is also a milestone for the mum - it’s a year since you brought that miracle into the world, you bet your ass the mum deserves cake to celebrate if she wants it!