To think that if partner of two years was found to have been unfaithful during the first month of dating, it is a dumpable offence?

[namechangemark3]

Just that.
Would you let it go or dump partner.
Great relationship two years on but if partner had been with another in the first month , while you and partner were dating/ getting to know each other ; what would you do?

It depends on the relationship i guess, I have been with my DH 17 years now ,we got serious very quickly and got married after 6 months!
Two weeks into the relationship I went on a pre booked holiday with a friend ,I didn't cheat because as far as I was concerned I was in a relationship
But some relationships can be very casual at first so I wouldn't necessarily dump Someone if they had been " unfaithful" in the early days .

Yes, dumping time.

Why, 2 years into a happy relationship, is this now an issue?

You’re worrying over something that might not have happened.

@namechangemark3

Maybe I need to let sleeping dogs lie. I couldn't bear to imagine him being intimate with another woman when I stupidly thought we were exclusive.

If he has got any sense, he’ll end the relationship if you ask him. Whatever your expectations were, you hadn’t voiced them, and it’s clear from the responses on this thread that many people would not have expected him to be exclusive at that stage. He had no way of knowing that you were one of the minority who would.

I would end a relationship with someone who suddenly started interrogating me about my sexual history (pre-exclusivity). It’s a massive red flag for insecurity, paranoia and controlling behaviour.

Why are you even thinking about this if you are two years into the best relationship you ever had?
Surely its' all long since water under the bridge if he told you after 3 months that he loved you and you've been happily together ever since?

@namechangemark3

Maybe I need to let sleeping dogs lie. I couldn't bear to imagine him being intimate with another woman when I stupidly thought we were exclusive.

You weren't stupid OP to think that.

Very grey area. It's up to the parties if they can live with it but is early part of relationship....

If everything's good with him now and has been for a long time, I wonder why this worry has come up and is preying on your mind so much at the moment. If your own concern is from the first month, when you hadn't had a discussion about exclusivity, and you trust that he's faithful now, I think most people would try to let it go and not let it ruin what you have now.

However, only you can determine what's a dumpable offence for you, and if it bothers you enough that you aren't happy in the relationship, you don't need anyone else's permission to leave.

*only, not own.

If you were only 'dating' for a month, you were not even in a relationship! So he owed you nothing. You didn't even have a relationship then! NO ONE is exclusive a mere one month in, that simply does not happen and is not realistic. You have no right at all, whatsoever, to be upset. You sound batshit crazy to be honest.

I am not sure what I would do. I would want to dump initially but I don't know if I would. We were exclusive and serious straight away and I was pregnant 2 months in, so maybe if we were more casual I'd find it easier to forgive.

A bit petty to bring it up 2 years later!

You say it ‘wasn’t discussed’ so you just assumed it was exclusive, while he was still dating others? Sounds like you made a quick assumption and he kept his options open a bit longer. Many people date more than one person during the ‘dating’ phase, you’re trying to find out who you’d be compatible with long term?

During the first month of 'dating', you didn't have the exclusive chat.

Definitely not cheating and not even worth a conversation tbh.

Wouldn't bother me at all.
If you had spoken and confirmed you were exclusive that's another, but that wasn't the case so no. I don't think it's worth a dump at all.

Did you think you were exclusive after your first meeting / date? Or have I misinterpreted.

It sounds like you're looking for an excuse to end the relationship. 'What ifs' etc.
You weren't exclusive and it was a month in.

Don't see the issue at all.
If you don't trust him on the basis he went on a date with someone else when you two weren't officially together, and knew each other for a matter of a few weeks, I'd probably end it anyway. For his behalf as he's done nothing wrong.

Huh? You're obsessing over something that might have happened a day after your first date 2 years ago? Make like Elsa. Wouldnt bother me.

Sleeping with someone else in the first month after you've just met someone, barely know them and haven't formally gone exclusive is a non-issue to me.

Obsessing over the possibility of that - not even the fact of it, the hypothetical possibility - two years into an apparently perfectly good relationship? Batshit, a huge red flag, and your partner should run fast.

Yabu
And a bit bonkers as this is a hypothetical situation that you have posted about.

Thanks everyone.