AIBU to think husband should be home with me and the kids in the evenings?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice please. I am a SAHM and have two young children, a 2 year old and a 6 year old. I feel that I really struggle with my 2 year old when it comes to bedtime as he resists sleeping at times and is still up quite a few times at night which is really starting to exhaust me physically and mentally. My 6 year old still wants me to read him a story before bedtime and he also reads a book to me, so I feel like I’m doing 2 bedtime routines at times. My husband works full time and he started going to the gym with my friends husband after work 4 times a week Monday-Thursday from 7pm-9pm. I spoke to him about this and said that I’m starting to struggle in the evenings and would appreciate his help and if he could perhaps go to the gym at 6pm-7pm. He reacted badly and said no, if he can’t go with my friends husband then he’s not going at all, so now he’s stopped going ( apparently friends husband is the only person he enjoys training with so he needs to go when he goes) He’s now saying that if he gets unfit and unwell it’s my fault because I’ve stopped him going to the gym. He’s also started to eat a lot of junk food because he’s saying if he can’t train then he might aswel eat what he wants. Any suggestions on what to do??

Thank you xx

Tell him to grow up and to try doing some parenting. Of course he shouldn't get to skip out on doing anything four nights a week. Let him sulk and eat his junk food.

Bloody hell, he's deliberately being a complete arsehole.

What’s he doing at the gym for 8 hours a week? Let him eat shite - that’s his choice and he’s acting like a dick. Sounds like he’s tried to check out of bedtime to me. He can go to they gym at a different time he’s choosing not to and that not your problem OP.

Tell him to get a grip of himself. You can both alternate doing the bedtime so that he can go and spend 2hrs at the gym with his friend every other evening.

The eating of junk food and comments he has made are childish and designed to make you say that its ok, he can go to the gym 4 evenings a week.

and when you aren't doing the bedtime routine then make sure you spend some time either relaxing or whatever you would like to do for you.

Divorce? Of course he can't be out every week night, when do you get a break? One or two nights and not the whole evening sure that can.be discussed, but what it's every night or nothing and you're a dragon?!

He eats junk food regularly and makes himself (likely) unhealthy. That’s what you “do”.

He’s being a twerp. He could go to the gym once a week or twice max maybe but 4 at those times is totally unreasonable.

Jesus Christ. YANBU. Another man that thinks they can do whatever they want while their wife will keep the home fires burning. Don't let him make you doubt yourself, he does not need to be out of the house during bedtime four times a week.

He’s now saying that if he gets unfit and unwell it’s my fault because I’ve stopped him going to the gym. He’s also started to eat a lot of junk food because he’s saying if he can’t train then he might aswel eat what he wants.

What an absolute idiot. He has the logic of a toddler. No real advice as it would just sound flippant, hopefully someone else will be able to help. I just couldn't be arsed with him.

I'd be inclined to suggest 2 nights instead of 4 (and could you perhaps go to yoga/ swimming/ kick boxing/ whatever, once or twice a week).
When he stops acting like a toddler, obviously.

2 hours is a long while to be working out. Ignore him OP. Take up an evening hobby and leave him to sort the kids once a week.

Maybe he’d like to move in with your friends dh seen as he spends so much time with him.

Ask him how unfit he thinks he’ll get after the divorce when he’s doing 50% of the care.

Wow he has been pushing his luck hasn't he! I'm sure if he was flexible and could be an adult and go by himself he could arrange to go a few times a week after bedtime, or a run before work or something. He is trying to fully opt out of parenting, let him have his tantrum and eat junk food, it's only himself he is spiting. Does he do much with the children on weekends, do you get a lie in?

Let him get on with it. If he wants to eat junk food then that's his choice. He's pathetic trying to guilt trip you into saying it's okay to abandon you again!!
Is he seeing to the kids on an evening now he isn't skiving off four nights a week.

Was he definitely going to the gym?

He sounds like a knob

Utterly childish behaviour. Selfish git.

Say he continues with his tantrum and stuffs himself with junk, and his weight gain is commented on, is he going to respond with

“DW won’t let me go to the gym for 2 hours, 4 evenings a week, so I’ve just taken to stuffing my face with crap to show her the error of her ways”

He’s going to sound like the biggest clown going.

Tell him to stop being an arsehole or a toddler having a strop. One toddler is quite enough! He needs to pull himself together and be an actual parent.

Where are your 4 nights off a week? If he can negotiate like a reasonable adult human he might trade you two evenings for 2 evenings of him doing bedtime with both children.

Have you asked your friend what her DH thinks of these gym sessions? I mean, is he somehow trying to pressurise your DH to go with him?
Personally, I would let him sulk and eat junk food. His loss when, presumably, he could go to the gym slightly earlier/later in the evening, or before he goes to work.

Can't he run or cycle to work, or use the stairs more, there are ways to keep fit without abandoning ones family

Tell him he can be out of the house 7-9pm four times a week when you can also be out of the house for the same time the other 3 nights doing something you like.

Can you both b responsible for putting one child to bed each. One night you do the 6 year old and he does the 2 year old and then switch. He can then go to the gym after he's done?

Has he always been a selfish infant? What a fuckwit.

There needs to be some compromise. Could he go twice a week, or for one hour instead of two? He could perhaps substitute one of the sessions for a run on a Saturday morning. Could one of the sessions be early morning instead? He is behaving like a petulant child with his "all or nothing" attitude.

I was going to say YABU from the title but 4 times a week for 2 hours is a piss take. He can go at 8pm after he’s helped with bedtime.