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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think husband should be home with me and the kids in the evenings?

146 replies

Supermummy88 · 16/11/2021 19:09

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice please. I am a SAHM and have two young children, a 2 year old and a 6 year old. I feel that I really struggle with my 2 year old when it comes to bedtime as he resists sleeping at times and is still up quite a few times at night which is really starting to exhaust me physically and mentally. My 6 year old still wants me to read him a story before bedtime and he also reads a book to me, so I feel like I’m doing 2 bedtime routines at times. My husband works full time and he started going to the gym with my friends husband after work 4 times a week Monday-Thursday from 7pm-9pm. I spoke to him about this and said that I’m starting to struggle in the evenings and would appreciate his help and if he could perhaps go to the gym at 6pm-7pm. He reacted badly and said no, if he can’t go with my friends husband then he’s not going at all, so now he’s stopped going ( apparently friends husband is the only person he enjoys training with so he needs to go when he goes) He’s now saying that if he gets unfit and unwell it’s my fault because I’ve stopped him going to the gym. He’s also started to eat a lot of junk food because he’s saying if he can’t train then he might aswel eat what he wants. Any suggestions on what to do??

Thank you xx

OP posts:
CambsAlways · 16/11/2021 20:03

Is he really going to the gym? It’s disgusting that he’s putting the gym before his children basically he needs to grow the fuck up, I’m sure he can go couple times a week, he sounds a right idiot, he sounds very immature, saying it’s your fault, sorry love but his attitude stinks

Ellie56 · 16/11/2021 20:05

So instead of going to the gym, he is now sitting stuffing his face with crap instead of looking after his children?

Tell him to stop being an arsehole and actually do some parenting. Sounds like you're doing it all.

As PPs have suggested there are plenty of compromises that could be made, and you need time out too!

CinstonWhurchill · 16/11/2021 20:05

What self enrichment opportunities do you take for yourself Op?

HairyScaryMonster · 16/11/2021 20:06

We'll he's a manipulative bastard if ever there was one! If he can cut down to twice a week, do bedtime himself once or twice a week and offer a lie in on the weekend if you're not already getting one, I'd say that's much fairer. It's knackering being a parent to a 2yo. Can your 6yo read to you at a different time? After dinner before bedtime routine?

PrincessNutella · 16/11/2021 20:06

How convenient for him that he wants to avoid the most exhausting time of day for you.

Dogdogdogdoneit · 16/11/2021 20:08

He sounds like an idiot

Do you also get 4x 2 hour exercise sessions per week? Things should be equal

He’s not unreasonable to want to go to the gym or have time to himself but 4x 2 hour sessions per week is unreasonable when you have 2 young kids at home

Parker231 · 16/11/2021 20:09

Why do you get your nights out?

CinstonWhurchill · 16/11/2021 20:16

"@PrincessNutella How convenient for him that he wants to avoid the most exhausting time of day for you."

Op could also book enrichment activities for herself at this time. Childcare could be put in place during this time.

PoppyMonth · 16/11/2021 20:16

What a baby.

Can't you reach a compromise? Maybe he could go twice a week and once at the weekend?

Newbabynewhouse · 16/11/2021 20:17

LTB... yes ive said it 😅

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 16/11/2021 20:17

sulky little tantrummy twat.

so many lazy men who want to do the bare minimum when it comes to parenting.

let him get fat.

That sums it up for me. And remind him that when you're divorced and he has 50 % custody he'll be getting even less time in the gym.

I think every woman should peruse the relationship board on here before considering having children because so many men seem to be complete dickheads these days.

tallduckandhandsome · 16/11/2021 20:20

He wants you to cave. Don't.

lanthanum · 16/11/2021 20:21

At that age, early evening is precisely when you most need him home.

Tell him to come home at 6, and go to the gym once the kids are in bed. Get together with your friend and see whether you can present a unified front on getting them to go later. If not, suggest he joins his friend at 8pm.

Four nights a week is also pushing it - it doesn't leave enough nights for you to have a similar amount of time doing something for yourself, undisturbed, and you might want a night or two spare to be able to spend with each other, too.

TheseBootsWereMadeForSitting · 16/11/2021 20:23

How childish.

I am sorry but that's deeply unattractive behaviour.

Let me do what I want or I will hurt myself and it will all be your fault.
He may as well shove the word "mummy" on the end.
Ick!

Are you sure he's going to the actual gym and not performing crisp eating bicep curls followed by a few pint glass lifts.

ThorsLeftNut · 16/11/2021 20:24

I don’t throw this around willy nilly on here but I would genuinely leave him.
He’s throwing tantrums because he’s not getting what he wants and now trying to make you out to be the bad person.

Itsjustrenee · 16/11/2021 20:25

What a selfish pig. No one needs to go to the gym for two hours at a time. He should be helping you parent his children.

Sweetpeasaremadeforbees · 16/11/2021 20:26

The thing is, he's not just ducking out of looking after his own children is he? He's using emotional blackmail to (try to) get his own way. Who does that to someone that they supposedly love? clue, a dickhead

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/11/2021 20:27

Your husband is an immature wanker.

Cakeandcardio · 16/11/2021 20:28

Absolutely ridiculous (him, not you!!). Unfortunately being a parent means we don't get to do what we want when we want all of the time. 4 nights a week at the gym is stupid, but not as stupid as he is being. What a silly silly man. Stick to your guns - you know you are not being unreasonable!

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/11/2021 20:32

@Supermummy88

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice please. I am a SAHM and have two young children, a 2 year old and a 6 year old. I feel that I really struggle with my 2 year old when it comes to bedtime as he resists sleeping at times and is still up quite a few times at night which is really starting to exhaust me physically and mentally. My 6 year old still wants me to read him a story before bedtime and he also reads a book to me, so I feel like I’m doing 2 bedtime routines at times. My husband works full time and he started going to the gym with my friends husband after work 4 times a week Monday-Thursday from 7pm-9pm. I spoke to him about this and said that I’m starting to struggle in the evenings and would appreciate his help and if he could perhaps go to the gym at 6pm-7pm. He reacted badly and said no, if he can’t go with my friends husband then he’s not going at all, so now he’s stopped going ( apparently friends husband is the only person he enjoys training with so he needs to go when he goes) He’s now saying that if he gets unfit and unwell it’s my fault because I’ve stopped him going to the gym. He’s also started to eat a lot of junk food because he’s saying if he can’t train then he might aswel eat what he wants. Any suggestions on what to do??

Thank you xx

"He’s now saying that if he gets unfit and unwell it’s my fault because I’ve stopped him going to the gym" You haven't stopped him going to the gym, you've stopped him from abdicating his responsibilities as a father. And really, you haven't even done that either, all you did was ASK him to change his schedule - and he threw his toys out of the pram.

"Any suggestions on what to do??"
My first thought was to take out a massive live insurance policy and feed him to an early death, cash in and live happily ever afterGrin. But really, that would take y e a r s!

It seems to me that he thinks his behaviour will make you back down. (Has he pulled this sort of crap before and you have backed down?) It also seems to me that he wants to live the life of a single man, spending his evenings with his Best Friend Forever doing single-man things. Definitely not wanting to be husband and father and pulling his weight. Has he form for that? Treating you as a skivvy and all round domestic appliance?

PrincessPaws · 16/11/2021 20:33

Tell him to grow up and take some responsibility for parenting his children, and also to stop being a test with the emotional blackmail.

Failing that, compromise - how about he goes twice a week, and you get two nights a week to yourself while he does bedtime with the kids

PrincessPaws · 16/11/2021 20:34

*twat

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 16/11/2021 20:35

He sounds worryingly childish.

Of course he needs to be around to put his children to bed. Either that, or you two take it in turns, so he does bedtime alone 3 or 4 nights a week while you go out or relax in another room.

Riverlee · 16/11/2021 20:36

@Shoxfordian

Was he definitely going to the gym?

He sounds like a knob

Think I’ve been on man too long, because that was my first thought!

He’s checking out of family life. Can you compromise and suggest two nights a week?

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 16/11/2021 20:37

Suggest you give him a dummy and put him down for a nap. Oh wait, he is supposed to be an adult!

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