AIBU to think husband should be home with me and the kids in the evenings?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice please. I am a SAHM and have two young children, a 2 year old and a 6 year old. I feel that I really struggle with my 2 year old when it comes to bedtime as he resists sleeping at times and is still up quite a few times at night which is really starting to exhaust me physically and mentally. My 6 year old still wants me to read him a story before bedtime and he also reads a book to me, so I feel like I’m doing 2 bedtime routines at times. My husband works full time and he started going to the gym with my friends husband after work 4 times a week Monday-Thursday from 7pm-9pm. I spoke to him about this and said that I’m starting to struggle in the evenings and would appreciate his help and if he could perhaps go to the gym at 6pm-7pm. He reacted badly and said no, if he can’t go with my friends husband then he’s not going at all, so now he’s stopped going ( apparently friends husband is the only person he enjoys training with so he needs to go when he goes) He’s now saying that if he gets unfit and unwell it’s my fault because I’ve stopped him going to the gym. He’s also started to eat a lot of junk food because he’s saying if he can’t train then he might aswel eat what he wants. Any suggestions on what to do??

Thank you xx

He can't go without his little mate?? What is he? 5?

Could NOT live with a bloke like this! What an ar$ehat!

Honestly, being single would be much easier than the man-child you seem to be lumbered with!

@Ileflottante

If he wants to be a fat cunt AND a shit dad, that’s his lookout. But none of it is your fault, despite what he says. Awful man.

Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

@BSideBaby

Are you absolutely sure he's going to the gym OP? He clearly has absolutely no respect for you so I wouldn't necessarily take his word for it.

If he was having an affair, he's unlikely to want to wreck his body with intentional overeating.

Tell him to fuck off to the gym...better off on your own

Sounds like a c**t

He is deluded if he thinks any of this is acceptable

Hes a twat for referring to going to the gym as "training" like there's a purpose beyond it's own choice of leisure activity. He hasnt made the Team in anything so he doesn't have to go and 8 hours a week is overkill.

I’d be looking at getting financial independence (if you don’t already have) and planning an exit. He sounds obnoxious.

Who gives a damn shit if he gets unfit, that’s his funeral not yours. As long as he’s sharing those bedtime routines let him get to 20 stone for all you care

I would be asking him to stand in front of the kids and explain to them by looking them in they eyes and telling them the gym is more important than they will ever be to him...if he can do that then he fuck soff to the gy and stays there forever, Sort him out OP I would not be taking any of his shit,Time fo rhim to man up.

Any suggestions on what to do? Get a job as soon as possible so you have your own money. Have a bank account only you can access and build up money to be able to split. It doesn't sound like he's capable of the changes you need if he thinks he's reasonable.

remind him that when you're divorced and he has 50 % custody he'll be getting even less time in the gym posts like this are idiotic. No one can be forced to parent 50% of the time. It is totally socially acceptable for men just to see their kids 4 days a month and be made out to be a hero. Don't ever count on 50/50 shared care as even if it starts out that way, the likelihood is that will change and you'll be left holding the baby.

@Angryattrackandtrace

Ask him how unfit he thinks he’ll get after the divorce when he’s doing 50% of the care.

Fab answer! 🤣👍🏻

Can he not do 2 days in the week and also go at the weekend? That will also allow you some time in the evening and is a reasonable compromise.

Tell him he's a pillock, a wazzock and a mullock and that he needs to man up, grow some bollocks, and pull his ever-increasing weight or you'll take a mattock to his buttocks.
It's the only language he may understand.

Sounds like you have another toddler rather than a DH. Does your DH not want see his children during the week?

Either he goes out after they are asleep and after he has been a parent (feeding, bathing, reading to the kids and getting them to bed) or he doesn’t go. If he wants to do that the. Tell him you also want four nights a week out of the house.
He is a selfish arsehole.
I’d also be looking for a job

He needs to grow the fuck up.

This gave me the rage - what an abusive, selfish twat he is! He is doing this to train you to do his bidding. If he wants to get fat and unfit that is solely on him. He is a parent too, it is his job to father his children. Stand your grind op.

Selfish, manipulative, lazy.....

Reminds me of my ex who threw a tantrum because he wanted to go on holiday with his mates. We had previously agreed he wouldn't ( shook hands on it and everything). When his friends started planning it, he stomped around the house, slammed doors and everything. Most extraordinary thing I've seen a grown up do.

What would happen if you waited til he got him and you hand him the children and said “I’m going out you sort bedtime”

Then went to the cinema or whatever ?

Well that's a lot of red flags.

Utterly unreasonable and irrational behaviour. Strong sense of disbelief about his 'gym' thing. Does he always shit himself and throw babyish tantrums?