AIBU to think husband should be home with me and the kids in the evenings?

[Supermummy88]

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice please. I am a SAHM and have two young children, a 2 year old and a 6 year old. I feel that I really struggle with my 2 year old when it comes to bedtime as he resists sleeping at times and is still up quite a few times at night which is really starting to exhaust me physically and mentally. My 6 year old still wants me to read him a story before bedtime and he also reads a book to me, so I feel like I’m doing 2 bedtime routines at times. My husband works full time and he started going to the gym with my friends husband after work 4 times a week Monday-Thursday from 7pm-9pm. I spoke to him about this and said that I’m starting to struggle in the evenings and would appreciate his help and if he could perhaps go to the gym at 6pm-7pm. He reacted badly and said no, if he can’t go with my friends husband then he’s not going at all, so now he’s stopped going ( apparently friends husband is the only person he enjoys training with so he needs to go when he goes) He’s now saying that if he gets unfit and unwell it’s my fault because I’ve stopped him going to the gym. He’s also started to eat a lot of junk food because he’s saying if he can’t train then he might aswel eat what he wants. Any suggestions on what to do??

Thank you xx

When do YOU get to go the gym?
He's being a twat.Makes my blood boil

It looks like you have three children on your hands, two who are entitled to act like children and one who doesn’t!

I would find his immature behaviour utterly abhorrent on so many levels, but in particular the way in which he is trying to make you take responsibility for his behaviour.

@FindingMeno

I'd be inclined to suggest 2 nights instead of 4 (and could you perhaps go to yoga/ swimming/ kick boxing/ whatever, once or twice a week). When he stops acting like a toddler, obviously.

This. Make sure you ALWAYS take your two nights, even if you don’t feel like it. Go and sit in Costa if you like with a coffee but don’t stay in. Ever.

What @WhatHoMarjorie said!!!!

I agree that he needs to compromise. Both DH and I have taken turns exercising in the evening (when our children were younger, they're teens now so we can leave them!) and neither of us took two hours! It sounds like he's part-exercising/part-socializing four evenings a week - and that's not on with two young children to put to bed.

I think two evenings a week would be more reasonable at the moment, or three evening for a shorter time. Give it a day or so for him to get over his sulking and talk about it. He's being a big baby.

If he did get fat and out of shape, I can't see how it would make him any less attractive.

When you have children, your own wants come second. Tell him to grow the fuck up. He needs to prioritise his family.

You are completely reasonable. He is acting like a toddler. Are you planning on going back to work soon? That’s probably what I’d do, get some money coming in that I didn’t have to rely on him for, start a hobby a few times a week where he looks after the kids at night and stops using you as a permanent full time carer. It’s good for him as well, spend more time with the kids on his own, build up his confidence.

He’s an idiot and childish. When my DH friends group all started having babies they moved their weekly five-aside from 7 to 9pm so they could be there to help at bedtime and that was only on once a week. Acting like actual parents I mean!

I’d get yourself back to work so you’re not beholden to a man child.

Tell him that if he doesn’t see the point in going, then you’ll go, because obviously someone needs to make the most of being out of the house 6-7pm.

Go to the gym 3 times a week, lift weights to fatigue, get strong, get confident, feel amazing about yourself, and then read back the sorry tale you’ve posted above. Somewhere around the end of January.

If he’s still in the house being a twat, you will feel confident to tell him so (and decide his fate).

Good luck OP, and enjoy the gym!

How far away is the gym? If its nearby 2 hours is a lot of training for someone who's just started going.Hes taking the piss

Two nights each in the week, in together on Fridays, out together on Saturday with a babysitter. That's a deal.

He doesn't get four nights out leaving you the bedtime routines! Even a stepfather would do more than that.

If he wanted that much freedom he should have stayed single. Choices bring consequences.

Did your friend not mind her DH going out 7-9pm four nights a week??

I have kids the same age. I can’t even imagine my DH asking this let alone doing it. We’re a team and we give each other equal amount of time off. One person doesn’t get to just suck all the free time out of the week and dodge parenting all together!

Wait! Which one is the 2 year old?

You know this isn’t ok. He knows it isn’t ok. Each have two nights at the gym ( or whatever you want to do with 2,hours 2 nights a week )

Ask him when you get 8 hours/week for exercise and socialising

God, what a child. Tell him when he acts like a petulant brat it makes your fanny close up as it's a complete turn off so he may want to rethink his reaction to you asking him to help out at bedtimes (after already being out of the house all day!)
It sounds to me like now winter is setting in he's glad of the excuse to sack the gym off and start eating what he likes again - and blaming you for it! I'd just laugh and say "don't be ridiculous - you can go to the gym earlier/weekends - but if you want to just give up and become mr.blobby that's up to you" and don't rise to it any further.

Well he isnt part of your team,,,so i wouldnt be staying a SAHM and would be finding myself a job and gaining independence.

When you have children (especially when they are young) you fit exercise around their routine, you don’t just dump everything on your partner. He could go to the gym twice a week with his friend and twice on his own, or go for a run before work instead. I run early before work because I need to be back to do the school run. At weekends the same as the kids have sports to get to. If I go to the gym I go at lunchtime or work out at home. There are always ways to fit it in.

Your DH needs to get his priorities straight and stop cutting off his nose despite his face. Deliberately becoming fat and unfit to make a point is unbelievably childish. I see parents out running with their kids in a double buggy. It might not be ideal but it’s exercise and the kids appear to enjoy it (or are asleep).

Yes, ignore the whining bitch!

What an inconsiderate knob your Husband is.

I’m sorry but going to the gym 4 nights during the working week is excessive and he is absolutely of no help to you at all during these 4 evenings with regard to the children’s bath/bed schedule.

It sounds like he has his evening meal then buggers off.

What a selfish arsehole.

He is deliberately being a knob if he is eating lots of junk food and he has thrown his toys out of the Pram.

Perhaps he goes to the gym 1-2 times during the week and once during the weekend if it suits the family.

Honestly? I’d be looking for a job. Do not be dependent on this ridiculous, selfish arsehole