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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

585 replies

MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 02:19

She has 0 connections in Canada. She isn’t particularly academic and uni is her idea of hell but works in hospitality and thrives in that role. The restaurant she works at offered her a manager on duty promotion not long after she started because of how on the ball she is.

All her friends went off to uni in September and I think she’s feeling like it’s time to make a drastic change in her own life too. Which I understand. I thought maybe she’d move into a house share with other young people or something.

Today over dinner she revealed that Canada do a 2 year ‘Working Holiday’ visa for certain countries. You don’t need to be a professional or have a degree, you can go over and work in hospitality just fine. As long as you have somewhere to live, a couple of grand in the bank (she has savings) and health insurance you’re fine. She’s says she’s been looking into it and has already signed up with an agency and has paid fees to go and work on a ski resort this Winter with live-in accommodation. She’s insisted it’s all legit and that she has done all of her research.

To be honest, I smiled about it to her face but I’m scared shitless. Do such jobs actually exist? I’m worried it’s dodgy. She will have no connections in Canada. She insists that the agency has in-country support and that she’s in a Facebook group with other girls her own age who are going to the same town, and that they all plan to meet up once they are there etc. There’s even talk of some of them maybe getting a flat-share as she doesn’t want to be in the hotel accommodation for the full 2 years. She honestly doesn’t seem worried at all. I’m not sure why she chose Canada specifically. Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

DH isn’t happy either and says he’ll be worried about her, and has suggested that we try and talk her out of it. I don’t want to do that as she is an adult but I am terrified. How would you feel? I never really left my home town or travelled. At DD’s age I was pregnant with her brother and living in a flat 5 minutes away from my parents and so the idea of jetting off to another continent alone at that age is unthinkable to me. I’m not saying I’d rather she was pregnant at 19 living in a grotty flat, I just mean it’s all so foreign to me because I was in such a different situation at her age so I don’t know if my fear is rational or not.

OP posts:
Nannyamc · 15/11/2021 08:08

My son left for Canada at 20 and came back 12 yrs later.
He and dp had wonderful careers but came back to raise family. We visited at least twice a year its a fantastic safe clean country
Visited Banff and whistler amazing places also rockies
Great lakes . Amazing hospitality she will learn so much. No regrets ever and we had fantastic holidays.

MotherHen0 · 15/11/2021 08:12

I think you have every right to be worried OP. Canada is a long way.

I think it sounds like a great opportunity and I would do your own research so you have a better insite.

I lived in Spain at 19 to work not the same as its nearer it was daunting but I look back and I'm so glad I did it.

mirabelle04 · 15/11/2021 08:14

With all the answers you got I'm sure you're already feeling better about it all now. She's planning it in the best and most comfortable way possible. WHV are great opportunities, she has a little bit of money in her pocket, and she's right that many youngsters do it : she'll be in a good support network before she even leave the UK. This is the best way for her to do this.

When I was your DD's age I took a gap year from uni and left for a 5 months road trip in India. My mom was scared shitless but she couldn't deter me. I could only contact her sporadically once I was there. There was no cellphone or such. And I had basically 200€ to my name. Think that's what could have been ! I made it out ok, it was a great experience. Young people are resourceful and they can grow so much from such a trip.

The best you can do is support your daughter while being 100% honest with her that you're kind of afraid. Tell her you won't talk her out of it and are supportive, but you would feel more at peace if she shared the details of the whole operation with you so you can understand the process. You and your husband can help her get good insurance and such for example. That will help with the anxiety.

CasaBonita · 15/11/2021 08:15

Oh your husband just sounds silly with his illogical ranting! He really does need to pipe down. You clearly have the right attitude about it.

I also went travelling at 20. Best thing I ever did.

Practicebeingpatient · 15/11/2021 08:16

@MiddayMass

Oh goodness, I can’t think about her not coming back. I’ll start blubbing and will wake DH up. She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.
By your own account she is a bright girl with a good head in her shoulders. If that's true she will do well wherever she goes in the world. A degree is not the be all and end all for employment prospects.

This is such a great opportunity for your DD. I wish I'd had the nous and the balls to do it when I was her age.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/11/2021 08:18

I did something similar at 20, went to Calgary as a Nanny for a year. One of the best times of my life. Biggest tip, just make sure she has a return ticket if it all goes wrong.

StoneofDestiny · 15/11/2021 08:20

She will love it. A great opportunity and full of people doing the same thing as she plans to. Can't imagine not travelling and experiencing other places or thinking a deposit upon a house was the only ambition in life.

houselikeashed · 15/11/2021 08:20

haven't read the whole thread, but I would let her go.
If you can, put aside some money for an airfare home for her, so you know she can come home quickly if she needs/wants to.
Or if you can afford it, why not go out there with her and have a little holiday to see for yourself how it is.
I think it's natural to be worried about something that is unknown to yourself. But it sounds fine to me! FaceTime is a wonderful invention!!!

alrightfella · 15/11/2021 08:21

I would be actively encouraging her. You get one life, why waste it hanging around her hometown. She's 19. This could be an amazing experience for her. If it isn't she can come home and try something else.

StoneofDestiny · 15/11/2021 08:21

I should say I had a family member do exactly this and lived it.

CaMePlaitPas · 15/11/2021 08:22

She should do it, it'll be the making of her.

Derbee · 15/11/2021 08:22

Tbh I’d be having kittens if she said she wanted to go backpacking in Africa and I’m quite glad it’s a ski resort Canada

I think it’s so sad that people are so ignorant about the rest of the world. Africa is an incredible continent, with such beautiful countries to explore. It’s bad enough that you shut yourself off so much from the world, without also trying to put blinkers on your daughter.

CSJobseeker · 15/11/2021 08:23

She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Please tell me you don't say things like this to her? Please tell me you don't constantly drum into her that she has few qualifications so her only hope in life is settling down with a man?

She is clearly able, adventurous, with good work experience, and has a bit of gumption about her. Her future should be so much more than the picture you paint.

sundaydayisnotmyfundayday · 15/11/2021 08:23

I had my first child at 18 so never really had the chance to do this sort of thing. I encourage my children to, dd is 15 and we have already been checking out her options and discussing what savings she will likely need etc. Life is for living.

Fernando072020 · 15/11/2021 08:25

Sorry op but yabu. What an amazing opportunity and experience for your DD. I moved abroad when I was 21, it was a year abroad for uni but a working year and we were left to our own devices. Best thing I ever did. It was one of the best years of my life.

Support DD, she'll be absolutely fine and have a great time!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 15/11/2021 08:26

I think it sounds like an amazing opportunity. Yes you’ll miss her (I have 20 year olds) but please don’t discourage her.

Boysnme · 15/11/2021 08:26

I did this when I was 21. I worked in Vancouver and my friend in Whistler. It was the most amazing experience and whilst at the time I was happy to come home, many years later I wish I’d then gone back.

I did it though Bunac which was expensive but it came with events and support when you got there (I also did this alone initially, my friend joined later at the start of the ski season).

I’m still amazing friends with those that I lived with, one of them has emigrated back there.

It sounds like she’s thought this out and the worst that happens is she doesn’t like it and comes home.

It was 20 years ago now since I did it but it was one of the safest places I’ve travelled to and if my kids show an interest in similar I’ll be directing them here first.

HappyDays40 · 15/11/2021 08:26

Please by all means do your own research but encourage her. You have obviously done a brilliant job instilling a good work ethic and a sense of determination and independence. This could be a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Classicblunder · 15/11/2021 08:27

@CSJobseeker

She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Please tell me you don't say things like this to her? Please tell me you don't constantly drum into her that she has few qualifications so her only hope in life is settling down with a man?

She is clearly able, adventurous, with good work experience, and has a bit of gumption about her. Her future should be so much more than the picture you paint.

I think the OP is talking about the visa requirements
Frazzled2207 · 15/11/2021 08:27

I think it could be the making of her OP.

If it’s BUNAC it’s totally legit.

I’d just want to be sure myself that the health insurance part was sorted so help her navigate that but and also make sure that the visa is sorted correctly.

Def encourage, I think Canada is a great choice, probably one of the safer places she could go.

And start saving up to visit.

When I was a young adult I lived in France, Japan and Poland. Had a great time and was a very important learning experience. Parents weren’t happy at all! Eventually came back, got married had kids and now live a relatively normal life, good job etc !

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/11/2021 08:29

[quote Kuachui]@smoko Is it? :S ive never met a australian in england in all my life literally not 1, once met a kiwi on holiday but thats it... and ive lived all over england including 3 of the biggest cities, am i missing something?[/quote]
I shared places with loads of aussies /kiwis and commonwealth people!

BiscuitLover09876 · 15/11/2021 08:31

I know people who've done this. It's an incredible experience. Can you afford to go and visit her?

CaptainMyCaptain · 15/11/2021 08:31

She will have a brilliant time and come back with memories she will always treasure. If it doesn't work out she can come back anyway.

Don't try and stop her. I wish I had done the same.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 15/11/2021 08:31

@MiddayMass

See, my issues with it come from a place of concern. Irrational I know and I’ll work on it but I can still see the appeal for her and can see why she’s excited for it. DH can’t. I think he’s going to be a pain in the arse with it and I’ll have to try and nip it in the bud.

His speech earlier contained:

‘Waste of money’
‘We’re lucky to live in the U.K. and have everything we need, why would you bother going somewhere else?’
‘It’s probably one of them dodgy jobs where they take your passport upon arrival and make you work for free’ (I was worried about it being dodgy but not to that extent, I was more thinking about the agency maybe being an online scam and her arriving to no job.)
‘Who emigrates alone? You’ll be bored and we will be worried.’
‘Just spend your money on a house deposit here.’

Is your DH always this dull and uninspiring?? Grin
smoko · 15/11/2021 08:31
  • She doesn’t have qualifications past GCSE so I don’t think she’ll have much chance of staying past the 2 years unless she meets somebody and they end up living together and marriage etc.

Wow… what a sad thing to think about your daughter, who is already looking at becoming a hospitality manager due to her work ethic

Her world & destiny is so much bigger than the picture you’ve painted for her in your mind

Having not left your town & settled so young, I can understand that you can’t picture how big life can be

But to deride her that she has no chance of finding employment for longer than 2 years?

My neighbour did the Canada whistler working holiday & didn’t return for 10 years!

The amount of jobs & opportunities there are in the wider world are far more than you can imagine

I hope you don’t encourage your daughter her only hope is ro getting pregnant & score a man as being her biggest hopes for life achievement.

You have painted her father out to ne small minded but this isn’t a nice thing to think about your child.