To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

[MiddayMass]

She has 0 connections in Canada. She isn’t particularly academic and uni is her idea of hell but works in hospitality and thrives in that role. The restaurant she works at offered her a manager on duty promotion not long after she started because of how on the ball she is.

All her friends went off to uni in September and I think she’s feeling like it’s time to make a drastic change in her own life too. Which I understand. I thought maybe she’d move into a house share with other young people or something.

Today over dinner she revealed that Canada do a 2 year ‘Working Holiday’ visa for certain countries. You don’t need to be a professional or have a degree, you can go over and work in hospitality just fine. As long as you have somewhere to live, a couple of grand in the bank (she has savings) and health insurance you’re fine. She’s says she’s been looking into it and has already signed up with an agency and has paid fees to go and work on a ski resort this Winter with live-in accommodation. She’s insisted it’s all legit and that she has done all of her research.

To be honest, I smiled about it to her face but I’m scared shitless. Do such jobs actually exist? I’m worried it’s dodgy. She will have no connections in Canada. She insists that the agency has in-country support and that she’s in a Facebook group with other girls her own age who are going to the same town, and that they all plan to meet up once they are there etc. There’s even talk of some of them maybe getting a flat-share as she doesn’t want to be in the hotel accommodation for the full 2 years. She honestly doesn’t seem worried at all. I’m not sure why she chose Canada specifically. Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

DH isn’t happy either and says he’ll be worried about her, and has suggested that we try and talk her out of it. I don’t want to do that as she is an adult but I am terrified. How would you feel? I never really left my home town or travelled. At DD’s age I was pregnant with her brother and living in a flat 5 minutes away from my parents and so the idea of jetting off to another continent alone at that age is unthinkable to me. I’m not saying I’d rather she was pregnant at 19 living in a grotty flat, I just mean it’s all so foreign to me because I was in such a different situation at her age so I don’t know if my fear is rational or not.

Nobody in our circle has done anything like this which is why I’m so taken aback. For some reason I just assumed she’d stay here forever like most people.

Sounds like my - and obviously her too - idea of pure hell. Good on her for wanting to broaden her horizons a bit further than the small, insular town where she grew up. There's a big world out there and it never ceases to amaze me how many people have zero interest in seeing any of it.

This is on DD's radar too for next year when she turns 19. She currently wants to take a gap year and work as a ski instructor in Whistler. There are so many young people there who do the same thing and either work for Whistler mountain or go into hospitality.

One main advantage for us is that we've been going to Whistler for years and she has been through the ski school system. We also have friends there and so she'll have people to go to in an emergency. I'm saying that, all the young people we've chatted to over the years have loved their experiences.

Good luck to your DD! Now is the time to do it. They're crying out for staff in Whistler.

All these people telling you not to worry wouldn't be breezy if it were their own teenager moving across the planet. They'd be shitting themselves too. However, the risks compared to the benefits are small, so you are right to let her go.

There's a lot you can do to mitigate the risks

As she will be responsible for herself, she needs a crash course in personal safety drills for all scenarios. unpleasant as this is, start with the Suzy Lamplugh trust and then websites for travellers. There are probably courses she can attend on personal safety and self-defence too.

I think that once you can see she has her "street-smarts", you and your husband will be happier to let her go.

I went through BUNAC to Vancouver for a year post university. One of the best years of my life. Earned twice what I did in the UK, lived in a 1 bed downtown flat, skied/snowboarded through winter, hiked and cycled through the summer. Travelled around Canada, North USA and then East coast USA. Came home the fittest, healthiest and most interesting I had ever been! Met loads of people in the same boat. The best thing about it is she won’t be tied to that job like an employment visa, she can work for a season - take a few months off to travel/be on holiday, get a different job, move locations. The flexibility is amazing! I’m so chuffed the scheme still exists!

Why would canada be less safe than the UK, @CinnamonJellyBeans?

Personal safety awareness if important everywhere, and I doubt the small ex-mining town they live in is crime free.

You have to let her go and support her. She might end up resenting you and your husband if you try to stop her.
I did and went to NZ and Australia. Its a brilliant opportunity and Canada will be safer than a lot of other countries.

[quote CakesOfVersailles]**@Kuachui

You must not frequent Shepherd's bush! Crawling with Australians (and New Zealanders). About 35 thousand people came to the UK every year under 2 year working holiday visas before covid. Kiwis call it an 'OE' (overseas experience).

To be fair, when I was in the UK despite trying to meet locals most people I met were Kiwi, Aussie or South African.

@MiddayMass Just think, if she stays the full two years you have the perfect excuse for your first overseas holiday. Go visit your DD in Canada![/quote]
Heh, anywhere in London when I lived there. I do think it’s maybe less popular than 20 years ago. The global financial crisis put me off returning to the UK as it made it a lot harder to get the jobs we could walk into previously. In Australia we weren’t really affected by the GFC and our currency was really strong and those years (2007-2012) I chose instead to spend a month each year in the US and you couldn’t turn around in California without bumping into Aussies enjoying how far our dollar went 😂 So @Kuachui might’ve missed the hey day, we’re probably thinner on the ground nowadays. And we’ve had two years of not being allowed to leave the country.

OP she’ll have a wonderful time and make life long friends. And you can go visit her! Her dad sounds like he enjoyed a very quiet life but doesn’t mean his daughter has to. Each to their own. I think settling down so young sounds stifling. Maybe you guys can travel and he’ll get a whole new perspective seeing how beautiful Canada is and how friendly. Canada is ideal. You can fly to Vancouver in no time if you had to (rural Australia would be a whole other story!)

Yes such jobs do exist. A friend's son did this two years ago and has just returned. And his Canadian stay coincided with Covid. It has given him great operational and management skills. He ended up managing part of a ski resort I think. He was a graduate mind. But OP's daughter sounds like she's switched on with practical experience. Go!
The things you regret in life are the things you don't do, not the things you do.

Your DH is reacting like this because he feels threatened. It feels like an implicit criticism of his own life choices. Many people react negatively to others making different choices because they are insecure about their own, so need to reinforce their own decisions.

Op haven’t too heard of BUNAC ? It’s not just for working in camps. I went to USA alone and had a ball waitressing for a summer. I was 20 and literally had a rucksack and not even a job lined up! Let her go!

My brother did similar in New Zealand, he had a great time

Your daughter sounds amazing, and Canada is a beautiful, safe country, My sister has lived there for over 25 years, with no issues.

@CinnamonJellyBeans

All these people telling you not to worry wouldn't be breezy if it were their own teenager moving across the planet. They'd be shitting themselves too. However, the risks compared to the benefits are small, so you are right to let her go.

There's a lot you can do to mitigate the risks

As she will be responsible for herself, she needs a crash course in personal safety drills for all scenarios. unpleasant as this is, start with the Suzy Lamplugh trust and then websites for travellers. There are probably courses she can attend on personal safety and self-defence too.

I think that once you can see she has her "street-smarts", you and your husband will be happier to let her go.

My son did move halfway across the planet when he was 18. He came back just fine and went to university at 19. And he had just had a diagnosis of epilepsy just before he left so flew off with a bag full of new meds. I wasn't keen at the time. But he said 'Mum I'm doing it anyway'. And who was I to tell him not to?

You should be happy to have raised a smart confident daughter with initiative and curiosity about the world . It sounds like you need to do your own research to support her and also address your own fears about the unknown. I'd be proud of her and I hope she has a great time!

Is anyone else imagining the OP's DH to be just like the husband in Shirley Valentine?

So, just think how exciting it'll be if for once you had it at a quarter past six. It'd make headlines. "World exclusive: Joe eats late."

Of all the countries she could live I struggle to think of a safer one than Canada!
By all means research the agency she is using if you are worried but it sounds like a fantastic idea to me.

It's only natural to be concerned and also dealing with your own feelings about her leaving home. However, she's an adult now, life is for living and she needs to go out, enjoy and even learn from her experiences. Also, member it doesn't have to be forever, especially if it's not working.

The fact she's in touch with other girls is positive. I'm sure they'll all look out for eachother and will want to make friends. Not nearly so far, but my DD is doing a year abroad with uni (she only spent six months at uni before lockdown and stayed here for year two). She was in touch with others before going, a girl met her at the airport. Her flat mate was worried about the airport journey and DD happily turned around and said she'd go and meet her as someone had done it for her. They've welcomed other students into their flat who are on their own. They all help eachother out.

Yes, it'll be a wrench for you, but once she gets there you'll start getting details of what she's doing and especially if she'll send you photos, it'll make all the difference and you'll be really proud of her.

I think that you risk alienating DD if you try and talk her out of it.Canada is a beautiful Country and is one of the safest places in earth! Your DH is understandably worried at his "little girl" spreading her wings .But she is 19 and he cant stop her ! We have relatives there that we have visited and its a lovely country . I would try and be supportive .The world is a big place and she wants to see more of it.

I think it would be prudent for you to do your own research on the agency she is signing up with and also the work permit/ visa situation but other than that, what’s the problem?

I agree with the above. Just make sure the agency is legit.

Sounds brilliant, and she's ready for it! If she hates it, she can come home.

I'd love to know where you live OP. 😀
Your DH sounds like men who work with mine....never set foot outside their town , can't understand people who have aspiration or education.
Good luck to your DD...I hope she never returns to live near such small minded people

I did it albeit in Colorado. Was AMAZING. The best and most fun ever.

I also made a shit tonne of money being young and pretty and getting loads of tips! $250-300/day sometimes.

Change can be scary but don’t let her dad piss on her chips as he will only drive a wedge and create bad feeling.

You are being overprotective and your DH would be unreasonable to try to talk her out of it! It’s not even like she wants to go to a particularly dangerous country — lots of people go to India, South America etc on gap years which is a riskier proposition. Canada is a really safe and cool choice of destination. She needs to spread her wings.

Well don OP for putting your own interests aside and focusing on this as an opportunity for your daughter.

Fwiw I did the same thing at 19, absolutely loved Canada and made lifelong friends. I went on to travel around the world and live in many different countries across several continents. My parents visited me everywhere and had wonderful experiences too.

But to ease your mind a bit I can tell you once I got married and had babies I came right back to live close to my parents and they're very involved in my children's lives. They always supported my adventures and as a result we're very close now.

I think you should look at her drive and determination and common sense and congratulate yourself on a job really well done! Of course you'll worry but wherever she lives you'll worry tbh. Let her go and enjoy her experience. It's her life and you should let her live it as she wants without trying to pressurise her to stay home because of your and DHS worries.

I did the same thing at 18 - best decision ever! Your DH’s outlook on life makes me feel very sad for him. Your daughter will have a great experience and if it doesn’t work out, it’s not forever!