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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want my 19 year old moving to Canada alone?

585 replies

MiddayMass · 15/11/2021 02:19

She has 0 connections in Canada. She isn’t particularly academic and uni is her idea of hell but works in hospitality and thrives in that role. The restaurant she works at offered her a manager on duty promotion not long after she started because of how on the ball she is.

All her friends went off to uni in September and I think she’s feeling like it’s time to make a drastic change in her own life too. Which I understand. I thought maybe she’d move into a house share with other young people or something.

Today over dinner she revealed that Canada do a 2 year ‘Working Holiday’ visa for certain countries. You don’t need to be a professional or have a degree, you can go over and work in hospitality just fine. As long as you have somewhere to live, a couple of grand in the bank (she has savings) and health insurance you’re fine. She’s says she’s been looking into it and has already signed up with an agency and has paid fees to go and work on a ski resort this Winter with live-in accommodation. She’s insisted it’s all legit and that she has done all of her research.

To be honest, I smiled about it to her face but I’m scared shitless. Do such jobs actually exist? I’m worried it’s dodgy. She will have no connections in Canada. She insists that the agency has in-country support and that she’s in a Facebook group with other girls her own age who are going to the same town, and that they all plan to meet up once they are there etc. There’s even talk of some of them maybe getting a flat-share as she doesn’t want to be in the hotel accommodation for the full 2 years. She honestly doesn’t seem worried at all. I’m not sure why she chose Canada specifically. Apparently Europe wasn’t drastic enough, she’s not interested in Asia or Africa, Oceania is too far from home and she ‘wouldn’t be seen dead in the USA in its current state’ so she ended up with Canada.

DH isn’t happy either and says he’ll be worried about her, and has suggested that we try and talk her out of it. I don’t want to do that as she is an adult but I am terrified. How would you feel? I never really left my home town or travelled. At DD’s age I was pregnant with her brother and living in a flat 5 minutes away from my parents and so the idea of jetting off to another continent alone at that age is unthinkable to me. I’m not saying I’d rather she was pregnant at 19 living in a grotty flat, I just mean it’s all so foreign to me because I was in such a different situation at her age so I don’t know if my fear is rational or not.

OP posts:
Daisy829 · 15/11/2021 09:42

Sounds amazing. I would definitely support this. My one regret is not travelling enough before meeting DH

TatianaBis · 15/11/2021 09:44

I think it’s a great idea OP.

Another area she might look into is working on superyachts as either steward (interior) or deck crew (exterior). It’s very hard work, but the pay is excellent and you can combine travel with being paid. Interior crew would contribute to hospitality experience.

I must say I think it’s very sad you never really left your area, but having a baby is a much bigger challenge than working abroad!

RockinHorseShit · 15/11/2021 09:47

All these people telling you not to worry wouldn't be breezy if it were their own teenager moving across the planet. They'd be shitting themselves too.

You're absolutely right ofc, I'd be crapping myself if it were mine too, just as my friend did when hers went off to work in Australia, but at 19, we don't have a say & have to be comfortable with it for their sake as that's trusting that we've brought them up well enough that they can cope on their own, which is all we can ever do as parents. Personally I'd also be bloody grateful that my DD wasn't off backpacking around France on her own at 17, as I was🥴

Veronica25 · 15/11/2021 09:53

What a great experience. Jus research it to make sure it is safe and a serious Company; maybe you can travel with her and stay there the first few weeks to ensure everything is ok and she is settle. I would be nervous but wouldn't stop her either.

Rainbowshit · 15/11/2021 09:57

She'll have an amazing time!! She sounds switched on and sensible. She's an adult so you need to let her make her own w in the world.

Maulstick · 15/11/2021 09:59

maybe you can travel with her and stay there the first few weeks to ensure everything is ok and she is settle.

Seriously? This isn't 'settling in' day in reception class! The DD is nineteen.

AlbasJudgementalCrucifix · 15/11/2021 10:00

maybe you can travel with her and stay there the first few weeks to ensure everything is ok and she is settle.

Fucking hell. Do not do this. For who’s benefit would it be anyway?

CSJobseeker · 15/11/2021 10:01

@Veronica25

What a great experience. Jus research it to make sure it is safe and a serious Company; maybe you can travel with her and stay there the first few weeks to ensure everything is ok and she is settle. I would be nervous but wouldn't stop her either.
Do not do this!

The WHOLE POINT of the DD travelling is to be independent, make her own way, experience the world on her own terms. Do not even think about going with her while she takes those first steps!

Go and visit maybe when she's been out there several months, and she has settled in enough that she'll be able to show you the sights etc.

Nocutenamesleft · 15/11/2021 10:01

Oh. Do it!

I moved to America when I was that age to work in a job I’d be offered.

I hated it. However I am glad I’ve done it! My mum said if I didn’t do it I’d always regret it and she was 100% right

Thisisworsethananticpated · 15/11/2021 10:02

Let her go
I also did a lot of travel and overseas work when younger
I think it’s amazing she is doing this by the way

AlbasJudgementalCrucifix · 15/11/2021 10:02

All these people telling you not to worry wouldn't be breezy if it were their own teenager moving across the planet. They'd be shitting themselves too.

Yep. I’d be crapping myself. Same as my mother did when I went off to Africa on my own. But The difference is, I’d never try to dissuade my kids from doing this and I’d be behind them the whole way because it’s not about me and how I feel.

CSJobseeker · 15/11/2021 10:03

having a baby is a much bigger challenge than working abroad!

They're not mutually exclusive, you know! Many women travel, work abroad, and have kids.

user474882990 · 15/11/2021 10:03

Don’t push your fears onto her it’s really annoying, she’s 19, lots of folks do similar work experiences, many people move abroad, just let her lead her own life and make her own mistakes

Cherrysoup · 15/11/2021 10:04

Bunac is perfectly legit, show your dh the link. Good for her getting away from an insular small town (not my words!) I applied for a job in Norway which mum wouldn’t let me take at 18. A mate took it, ended up marrying and staying there. I went to France instead. I would have done Bunac but had no skills at the time. It was what a lot of people at school did back in the day. She’ll have a brilliant time.

TatianaBis · 15/11/2021 10:05

@CSJobseeker

having a baby is a much bigger challenge than working abroad!

They're not mutually exclusive, you know! Many women travel, work abroad, and have kids.

Indeed. I didn’t say they were. But OP said she had a baby at her DD’s age.
LittleStorpingInTheSwuff · 15/11/2021 10:06

Totally understand your worry, and I'd feel the same. But I did a similar thing and it was great. Canada felt very safe, and the people are incredibly hospitable. Your DD will probably interact with a lot of fellow travelers and develop her own network. If it turns out to be awful, remember plans can always be changed and home is only ever a plane ride away!

In your shoes I'd book a trip for, say, a month after she lands. So you can see for yourself that she's ok and support as needed on any practical elements.

Redrosesandsunsets · 15/11/2021 10:08

@CSJobseeker actually I love cultural differences. And have travelled for that very experience. Many Brits however go to Canada because it’s a lot like the uk with the same language spoken etc. So my comment was more about that. It’s a very different nation. Forcible adoptions and shipping people to Australia … how long ago was that ?
Native children going missing was happening up to 1990s when native kids were going missing and then recently were found buried in schools. And still not much has been done to address that. It’s a little different to sending people away on ships what a 100 years ago. And by they way the built better lives in doing that. Many escaped poverty and they survived. Their families living in Australia and NZ today. These native kids lives were cut short. They were taken from their families and died mysteriously.
Also look up or google The highway of tears which still sees many native women still go missing on today. It still happens.

RockinHorseShit · 15/11/2021 10:10

maybe you can travel with her and stay there the first few weeks to ensure everything is ok and she is settle.

At 19Confused

Don't be ridiculous

Cailin66 · 15/11/2021 10:14

Well done your daughter, what a fantastic experience for her. My children have been abroad for all of secondary school and two of them are abroad for third level. One of them was supposed to work in America last summer and that was unfortunately scuppered by Covid. Myself and my brothers and sisters all went off to work in America or Germany or France or Spain or the UK at that age. My brother was actually 17 in America the first time he worked there.

daisyjgrey · 15/11/2021 10:14

I never really left my home town or travelled.

This is your problem. Don't project onto her.

Hillary17 · 15/11/2021 10:16

Sounds like a great idea. Let her have her adventure!

delorisvancartier · 15/11/2021 10:20

She will have the time of her life! I left for France on my 19th birthday, didn't know a sole and got on a coach at Dover scared shitless but full of excitement & don't regret a single thing! All my friends went to uni but I like your daughter wasn't academic either and it just wasn't for me. Allow her to spread her wings, of course you will miss her but now is her time to find herself and her place in the world. Good luck to you all Grin

HunkyPunk · 15/11/2021 10:21

In your shoes I'd book a trip for, say, a month after she lands. So you can see for yourself that she's ok and support as needed on any practical elements.

Make that 6 months - let her settle in!
It’s a great opportunity for her, and for you, too, op. I do think it would be a great idea for you and your dh to plan a visit while she’s in Canada. It might give you a taste for travel, and widen your dh’s horizons a bit!

GoingBacktoSchool123 · 15/11/2021 10:22

Whistler is awesome in Winter and Summer.

Have a look at www.whistler.com and see for yourself.

And book yourself a flight to visit a few months after she gets there. You'll have the trip of a lifetime.

stalkersaga · 15/11/2021 10:27

I left for France on my 19th birthday, didn't know a sole and got on a coach at Dover

Methinks there's something fishy about this story.... Wink

Don't go over after a month. The whole purpose of a trip like this is to sort your life out for and by yourself. The last thing you need is your mum parachuting in to fuss and stop you focusing on your local connections and experiences and either taking away your growth by doing things for you, or making your life more difficult by criticising your choices and arrangements. Go after six months.

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