At what age does parenting become easier?

[Lois345]

At what age does parenting become easier? If your answer is never please say it quietly to yourself or just lie in your comment

@NameChange30

"I can deal with anything with a good nights sleep and I think parents with older children often forget how much of a toll disrupted sleep takes on you during the early years."

Agree with this. Tbh I find it very annoying to read all the parents of teenagers moaning that they're just as hard work, or harder work, than babies and toddlers. Seems common on mumsnet. If I'm generous it's because they've forgotten how bloody hard it was and if I'm less generous it's because some people just love to be know-it-all's and think they know best and they have it harder because they're several years ahead in their parenting journey.

Parents with big age gaps who have both teenagers and toddlers have said that the toddlers are harder. I'm inclined to believe them, since they're experiencing both at the same time.

No we haven't forgotten. Some Teens are hard work, they also can give you their fair share of sleepless nights due to their problems. We've been through all the years before, it's not being a know it all its because we have lived thro it all. Yes toddlers can be hard, so can the endless worry of 15 or 16 year olds being offered drugs and God knows what else.

My mate told me a little while ago that she hardly ever worries about her daughter now.

Her DD will be 40 in April.

I find toddlers hard work. (Mine is a runner and never listens ) I was recently trying to remember when older DS was ‘easier’ and I agree with many of the other posts that it was around 4. His speech was really coming along and that helped massively too. I don’t doubt there are hard ages to come but elder DS is 8 now and it’s only got easier so far.

At 4 with my maddest I was thinking why isn't he easier, he calmed down by 6 and now at 12 is so quiet that there's times he starts messing about and I'm relieved he's still there!!! All ages have huge height and soul destroying lows but however you're doing you're doing better than you think and there'll be a day you suddenly don't feel so wrecked and everything is just much easier!!!

No we haven't forgotten. Some Teens are hard work, they also can give you their fair share of sleepless nights due to their problems. We've been through all the years before, it's not being a know it all its because we have lived thro it all.

Well you probably have to some extent - I always think that the fact that parents of older children insist the early years were all joy compared to their teens is a fantastic example of the fading bias effect (en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fading_affect_bias). Human memory is fallible and it's particularly bad at comparing how things are now to how hard they were at any given point in the past.

@Hardbackwriter

No we haven't forgotten. Some Teens are hard work, they also can give you their fair share of sleepless nights due to their problems. We've been through all the years before, it's not being a know it all its because we have lived thro it all.

Well you probably have to some extent - I always think that the fact that parents of older children insist the early years were all joy compared to their teens is a fantastic example of the fading bias effect (en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fading_affect_bias). Human memory is fallible and it's particularly bad at comparing how things are now to how hard they were at any given point in the past.

No where have I said the early where all joy compared to teens.

Hell, I looked after a friend's baby very briefly yesterday and I'd already forgotten quite how relentless a baby can be, and my youngest isn't 4 yet.

I also find it hard to believe teens will be more expensive than young children, given that childcare alone currently runs me £2k/month.

I'd say around 4/5. My DD is 7, she has the attitude of a teenager and will still have tantrums/meltdowns that are epic, but you can have a conversation with her and she can explain why she's upset once she's calmed down. She's also much less fussy with food.

For me, once the last one potty trained I felt like I came up from underwater. Yes, other stages have had their challenges but nothing like the grinding relentlessness of 2 kids in the 0-3 age range.
They're now 11 and 13 which has its own stresses, but I can go out and leave them

It's hard when they're little and are so dependent, when you have to actively work out how you will fit in any chore etc. At 4 I found them more enjoyable company but you start to lose a bit of control as they go to school etc. Basically there are challenges at every age, but the physical parenting becomes less intense as they get more independent. For me, the teen years have been more emotionally stressful as both mine have had various issues. Youngest now 16 but causing us anxiety over school / college refusal, their mental health etc and the fact you can't control or persuade them in the way you can do when younger. But overall I've appreciated the changes in stages as they've grown up.

I think it depends a bit on the child and the parent but I found 2-3 the hardest so far. I think all my friends found the toddler years pretty tough. I prefer dealing with teenage drama.

I said as much on another thread recently, but I find it only gets harder. BUT the practical stuff doesn't phase me so I find babies and toddlers pretty easy. I seem to manage well on little sleep and I'm good with tantrums and crying and so on.
It's the emotional stuff that I find tricky. When my kids were babies and toddlers, I knew I was being a good Mum because it was all so simple. I find it harder now to know if I'm making the right decisions.

I think there's an OK bi between 4 and 9?
Having said that my 19 year old is currently sobbing in a cab to stay a week for some tlc....

I haven’t read the whole thread but my first thought was, “It doesn’t get easier, the difficulties just change in nature.”

I’m now going to go and read the thread and see if that’s the general consensus

It gets easier in lots of ways as they get older.

It also gets so very much harder in different ways. The emotional strain of parenting teenagers is overwhelming at times. But the practical side, the sleep deprivation and physical exhaustion is all much improved.

Depends on the child but generally I think it's easiest between the ages of 4-11 then hormones kick in and it gets hard again! Once they get to early twenties they are through the other side.
Of course depending on how many DC and age gaps they may pass the baton so it feels like you never hit a calm point 😂

It’s not easier just different types of hard.

I’d swap a week of 4am starts and worrying about the microscopic amount of food DS used to eat for the afternoon of tears I’ve just had.

I would echo what someone else said about babysitters. Once you can leave them on their own for a couple of hours, life is a bit less complicated.

About 4/5? I found age 3 the worst with my first! He skipped the terrible twos and went to full on threenager.

Mine are 6 and almost 2 now and the 6 year old is definitely 10 times easier. The hardest thing I find is the constant entertaining.

@stalkersaga

Hell, I looked after a friend's baby very briefly yesterday and I'd already forgotten quite how relentless a baby can be, and my youngest isn't 4 yet.

I also find it hard to believe teens will be more expensive than young children, given that childcare alone currently runs me £2k/month.

£2K a month in childcare.☹️

I suppose we teen parents are thinking of sports equipment, driving lessons (car insurance), more expensive clothes, etc. it definitely adds up. But not to £2K.

3 teenagers that argue and think I'm sent from the pits of hell to ruin their lives.
Give me the toddler years any day.
It doesn't get easier - the problems just change.
At 3 it can be tantrums, at 15 it's teenage tantrums, plus social media, the fight for independence and exam stress. Shall I continue?

8-11 seem like easy years, then strap yourself in because when the teenage years come, you won't know whether you're coming or going!

"I can deal with anything with a good nights sleep and I think parents with older children often forget how much of a toll disrupted sleep takes on you during the early years." and.....
@NameChange30 - " If I'm generous it's because they've forgotten how bloody hard it was and if I'm less generous it's because some people just love to be know-it-all's and think they know best and they have it harder because they're several years ahead in their parenting journey."

I'm not a know it all (but I am a women that has teens but I also work with kids under 2yrs).
You seem to forget that often a woman with teens not only has the challenge of teens but also aging parents (more than a woman aged 35 for example), plus the joys of fading hormones and menopause.

So rather than labelling us as "know it all" consider the bigger picture and challenges. Trust me, worrying about little Johnny's first report at nursery and if he'll refuse veg at dinner is completely different to social media bullying, sexual consent, eating disorders and exams whilst worrying about a fading parent and managing your own menopause symptoms. You'll be there one day too - good luck.

@Bogofftosomewherehot
Thanks for that patronising shite

Your post has really pissed me off actually.

The irony of saying "consider the bigger picture and challenges" while dismissing the challenges of parenting a baby/toddler as "worrying about little Johnny's first report at nursery and if he'll refuse veg at dinner"

Some mothers have to cope with birth trauma, lasting physical injuries, mental health issues including PND/PNA (sometimes so severe that they are suicidal), some babies are seriously ill, some babies and children have reflux, allergies, disabilities and special needs - many of which go undiagnosed for years.

It's not a competition and all parents have their challenges but you can stop pretending you understand the bigger and I don't.

the bigger picture