At what age does parenting become easier?

[Lois345]

At what age does parenting become easier? If your answer is never please say it quietly to yourself or just lie in your comment

My DC are 4y8m and 1y2m, so I don't yet have experience of the challenges of parenting children age 5+, but I think there are certain milestones that make things easier:

1. Sleeping through the night. Sleep deprivation is the worst aspect of parenting young children IMO. DC1 started sleeping through properly at 18 months when we introduced a gro clock (before that he'd been waking around 4.30-5.30 and only going back to sleep if fed or held) and that felt like a game changer, although we still felt knackered from the cumulative sleep deprivation and had setbacks when he was ill.

1. When they can use the toilet. And I mean toilet, not potty. When you don't have to change nappies or worry about carting a potty around everywhere, it's so much easier.

1. Funded childcare the term after they turn 3. Once I had this I felt it was ok to put DC in nursery occasionally when I wasn't working, or get a babysitter, etc. When the childcare costs ease you can afford to up the hours and have more time to do other things.

I thought that DC1 starting school would make it easier but it hasn't been easy so far (sorry!) He's struggled a lot with the transition, had disturbed sleep in the run up to starting and also when he went back after half term. Has been tired, emotional, wanting more attention than usual (and he's pretty needy anyway!) We also find it stressful having to do the school run 2 x 5 days a week, with fixed drop off and pick up times (nursery was much less stressful given the flexible times). But I'm hoping we'll all adjust and it will feel easier eventually! Maybe when he can take himself to school (which won't be for years yet!) or if we're lucky we could share school runs with a neighbour or something.

I am looking forward to being able to drop him off at parties and play dates and not having to stay. That'll be a bit of extra breathing space too.

I do worry about him a lot and I'm sure their needs just get more complex as they grow older. But the less physically dependent they get, the easier I'm finding it, so far.

My dc are 8 and 10 now - we have found 5-10 to be thr golden years! I anticipate it getting trickier when they are teens, bit nothing will ever compare to the horror of the non-sleeping baby bit.

Would second the comment about teens sleeping a lot.
It can be very useful!

I think three is a game changer. When my youngest turned three I felt pre-child me started to re-emerge from the fog of the baby years. Mine are 3 and almost 7 and the buggy is gone, so are the nappies, both of them are in school (only preschool for the youngest), both you can have discussions with, both sleep through the night, and they can have a friend over and disappear into their room for a good period of time. My 6yo can make himself breakfast, read a book, sort himself out with bathing and dressing.

@beigebrownblue

Would second the comment about teens sleeping a lot. It can be very useful!

DH and I sometimes go out to the farmer's market or out for brunch at the weekend...and they're still sleeping when we get home.

When they start school! I’ve got 4 - 10,8,3 and 1 and the older two are a breeze now they’re more independent and don’t need naps/early nights/feeding at specific times so they don’t have meltdowns!

Once they start school you have more time so i didnt feel so overwhelmed.

I noticed a gear change when mine reached 3 & 5. It took that long for my pelvis to recover from pregnancy/ birth, but it hit the point when toileting was much easier, the end of the buggy and they could usually say what they needed and not throw themselves on the floor, howl and fail to telepathically communicate their needs. (Oh if only I'd known about the ASD...) I decided not to go back to square 1 at that point!

We're currently on the junior school years and they are pretty good. DS1 can be left alone for limited periods while I'm local and it saves so much aggro being able to leave him happily at home rather than lugging him in and out for the sake of it. I've learned better strategies for working with DS1. DS2 is the friendship troubles guy, and I can't solve that, the pool of boys at his school is too small. They're night owls and I've hit the adult time in the evening issue earlier than average.

I suspect that DS1 and DS2 will present rather different challenges through the secondary years...

My 6 year old is remarkably easier than he was even a year ago.
My 1 yo however...

Make the most of it while they're young- at least you know where they are and what they're doing.
My kids are 23 and 18. It gets easier in regards to being able to leave them home alone while you go out and not having to take them everywhere with you, or find a babysitter if you want a night out. But it's harder emotionally, and also when they start going out and about on their own, or with others in cars etc.
I'm 53 and my mum still worries about me....

Between 4 and the teenager years. They can be reasoned with and you know where they are.

I have a 51/2 year old and one that is 2y8m. The older one is infinitely easier to take out, sleeps, can entertain herself and is just quite fun to be around. I think she got easier from about 4. She was a challenging 3 year old though. We had a lot of door-slamming, screaming, v emotional etc but I think a lot of that was lock-down and being stuck in with a baby. Her challenges now are starting to be more complex and are mainly around friendship issues but we can talk them through and she largely listens to my advice.

The little one still wakes up in the night quite a lot and just has more basic needs. I feel the fog is lifting though and suspect our lives will be significantly easier in 6months time and beyond.

I can deal with anything with a good nights sleep and I think parents with older children often forget how much of a toll disrupted sleep takes on you during the early years.

I'm 50 and I'm finding it much easier these days

It depends on the parent. For mine the problem was definitely me, that went away once I was removed from them. For me I have days where the responsibility is a lot and feels like wading through mud. Other days are far better. I definitely don't recommend teenagers but once they've gone off and come home again they do come back to being civil.

Mine are 6 and 4 and I have to say I absolutely love it. I was so tired with the baby/toddler years that whilst their fun it’s hard to enjoy.

I said to my husband the other say, we have to treasure these years as soon they won’t be after our attention it will be us in a couple of years begging them for a couple of minutes worth of attention.

I think it becomes physically easier as they approach school age, can do things for themselves, sleep through the night, generally toilet trained and able to play independently but a lot depends on DC and your own personality.

It becomes more of a mental thing after that, the responsibility etc.

"I can deal with anything with a good nights sleep and I think parents with older children often forget how much of a toll disrupted sleep takes on you during the early years."

Agree with this. Tbh I find it very annoying to read all the parents of teenagers moaning that they're just as hard work, or harder work, than babies and toddlers. Seems common on mumsnet. If I'm generous it's because they've forgotten how bloody hard it was and if I'm less generous it's because some people just love to be know-it-all's and think they know best and they have it harder because they're several years ahead in their parenting journey.

Parents with big age gaps who have both teenagers and toddlers have said that the toddlers are harder. I'm inclined to believe them, since they're experiencing both at the same time.

I enjoyed the teenage years the best!

You might not want to hear it.
But if you have another once they get a bit older hopefully they'll keep themself occupied.
My oldest is 7 and youngest is 4.

They'll play happily now and it gives me a break too.

There's a step change when you no longer need to get a babysitter.

I find once they start school, it tends to get easier. Mine are 12 and nearly 10 and fairly independent now. Get up, ready for school, own breakfast, walk/bike to school by themselves. And they can do chores and make me a coffee! Being older brings about other problems, of course, but I find this stage a lot less tiring.

Mine are 10 & 6 and this seems the easiest so far! They're both independent enough to get themselves dressed/ready for school etc, and you can have fun at places like theme parks without having to stop for wees or naps, and they can be really good company & have interesting conversations etc

No age is easy, but three is extremely tough IMO. My worst bit was between 18 and 42 months.

So far it's been much improved once each got to secondary, but not quite finished with younger ones and do not want to count chickens!

It wasn't the worst but cos of anything they did, just the most tiring bit

I found 3 a hard age, much worse than ‘terrible’ 2. I’m really enjoying the glory years (5-11ish) where they’re reasonably self sufficient, still do what you tell them to and haven’t hit puberty. Bracing myself for managing two headstrong teenagers and expect it to be simultaneously terrifying and frustrating!