Men in the female changing rooms!

[ewchoc]

I know this has been done to death, but I'm sat here waiting for my children to come out of their swimming lessons and getting increasingly annoyed at the number of men in the female changing rooms.

Tiny swimming pool attached to a school with two small changing rooms, clearly marked male and female. Every week there are at least one or two men who insist on bringing their daughters (all under 7) into the female side to change before & after lessons. It's just one open space, no cubicles or individual spaces, and my DD (9) is getting more and more anxious having to change in front of these full grown men!

Am I being precious or should I ask them to use the men's? Their attitude is that it's their daughters who are getting changed, so they can't take them into the male side with all the boys!

Oh look, a manly man has arrived to tell us that we women are ridiculous if we have concerns, because NAMALT.

I have literally never heard of a woman going into the men's changing rooms with their dc. That isn't a thing.

Women and girls are entitled to safe and private spaces to change away from male gaze.

Men who think they are ok to use the women's changing facilities are the height of male entitlement.

People saying report to police is ridiculous as no law has been broken.

I suggested possibly reporting to the policy depending on behaviour because this is very unusual behaviour and may indicate that one of these men is a risk to children. There is lots of applicable law here.

I am male and I would take my female child to a female changing room if there was no non gendered changing room. Women come into the mens all the time with their kids.

In 40+ years I've never encountered a woman doing this, for obvious reasons. It's an egregious lie.

He has already seen naked girls body. I'm sure he doesn't want to look at your children. But you are OK with other women looking at your naked children? Don't you see the hypocrisy? You know there are women who like women too, right?

I use MN, in part, because it's interesting to listen to women's perspective. I don't understand why men who hold women in contempt bother posting here.

I suppose one advantage is that if you said this on a mostly male site you'd wouldn't be treated with such tolerance.

@Vanishun

Complain to the Centre (and keep complaining until they do something).

Funny isn't it - they don't want their daughters exposed somehow to other men, but don't give a shit about yours or the other women in there.

Yeah was going to say that, do they not realise that they're men in with little girls who aren't their daughters who don't want and who's parents don't want strange men in there?

@Vanishun

Complain to the Centre (and keep complaining until they do something).

Funny isn't it - they don't want their daughters exposed somehow to other men, but don't give a shit about yours or the other women in there.

Exactly this.

It's not on. Tell them to get out and don't be shy about it.

Morons.

Women come into the mens all the time with their kids.

No they do not. What a complete and utter lie. Your claim about how women are sexual predators as much as men is such bullshit as well.

@donquixotedelamancha your use of the term "egregious lie" has really made my morning! Perfectly put!

You need to talk to the swimming company for clarification on this. I honestly don’t think it’s as clear cut as people are trying to make it out to be. A dressed male with his daughters in the female changing area seems less distressing than two young females in a male changing area where those males are naked.

I suppose one advantage is that if you said this on a mostly male site you'd wouldn't be treated with such tolerance.

@donquixotedelamancha You're dead right, most decent men wouldn't dream of coming into a female changing room with little girls getting undressed in there and wouldn't be long telling this fucker that he's bang out of order!

Women just don't go in the men's usually. That's the reason you get threads on here about whether it's ok for 8/9/10 year old boys to be in the women's and why it is recommended that mums stand outside the men's calling to their sons to make sure they're OK. A women with a boy too young to go into the men's would almost always bring them into the women's. It's simply not true that mums clutter the men's changing-rooms because they don't want their young sons to see naked women.

@FreeBritnee

You need to talk to the swimming company for clarification on this. I honestly don’t think it’s as clear cut as people are trying to make it out to be. A dressed male with his daughters in the female changing area seems less distressing than two young females in a male changing area where those males are naked.

So it's ok for a strange man to be in a room full of little girls getting undressed as long as he has his own clothes on?

Child changes in a changing room according to the sex of the parent.

Women and girls need to have spaces away from men.

I would take this up with the provider ASAP.

So the girls changing room is for..

• mothers and daughters
• mothers and young sons
• unaccompanied girls getting changed alone

Boys changing for..

• fathers and sons
• unaccompanied boys

And some people think its better for fathers to bring young daughters into the women's too... where there is already young boys changing... so they don't need to get changed with forementioned young boys, and instead force all the girls (and young boys) to change round unknown grown men?

Men should never, ever be in a female changing room (and vice versa). Utterly outragious that anyone would think this is ok.

However, with kids aged around 7/8 ish there is a tricky period when they are getting too old to come into the female changing rooms but not quite old enough to be trusted to get changed/ safely put stuff in lockers etc and get to the pool in a reasonable time by themselves. If the pool doesn't have mixed facilities it's hard to know what the best thing to do is.

So it's ok for a strange man to be in a room full of little girls getting undressed as long as he has his own clothes on?

If youre genuinely interested in my opinion then yes, I do think that’s preferable, but then I don’t think every male is a paedophile.

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

So the girls changing room is for..

• mothers and daughters
• mothers and young sons
• unaccompanied girls getting changed alone

Boys changing for..

• fathers and sons
• unaccompanied boys

And some people think its better for fathers to bring young daughters into the women's too... where there is already young boys changing... so they don't need to get changed with forementioned young boys, and instead force all the girls (and young boys) to change round unknown grown men?

That depends entirely on the changing facilities. In some facilities there will also be naked adult males and I’m damn sure that would be more distressing for young females than a dressed male in the female changing area.

Why can’t the man take his daughter into a toilet cubicle in the men’s change room?
TBF toilets are often very cramped and not too salubrious... I wouldn't want to get changed in one, so why should a girl? (or a boy).

I'm not sure I know what the solution is, beyond an appropriate sexed parent always being able to take their kid swimming, which is obviously not always possible.
Out of interest, what are people meaning on here when they suggest family changing rooms?

Out of interest, what are people meaning on here when they suggest family changing rooms?

At my pool, there aren’t male and female changing rooms, just rows of individual sizes cubicles and family changing ones which are just a very big version. It works well.

@FreeBritnee

So it's ok for a strange man to be in a room full of little girls getting undressed as long as he has his own clothes on?

If youre genuinely interested in my opinion then yes, I do think that’s preferable, but then I don’t think every male is a paedophile.

And how can you tell which ones are so we just won't allow those men in?

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

So the girls changing room is for..

• mothers and daughters
• mothers and young sons
• unaccompanied girls getting changed alone

Boys changing for..

• fathers and sons
• unaccompanied boys

And some people think its better for fathers to bring young daughters into the women's too... where there is already young boys changing... so they don't need to get changed with forementioned young boys, and instead force all the girls (and young boys) to change round unknown grown men?

Dp took our dds into the male changing rooms when they were little - surely that's the norm? No different to mums taking a young boy into the ladies. Young dc go into the changing room for their parent's gender.

If all the children getting changed are young then the men should definitely take their daughters into the mens.

It's not just about seeing naked men. Most adult women are not comfortable undressing or being naked in front of unrelated men. It is an affront to their privacy and dignity. Why do you think men are not allowed to strip-search or pat-search women in airports, ffs?!

As a society, we do not view young children (boys or girls) below a certain age as having the same demands of privacy to maintain their dignity as adult men and women do. That's why it's fine for young boys to change in the women's changing-room and young girls to change in the men's changing-room. Nor do we think that adults need to be 'guarded against' the sight of undressed children below a certain age.

Clearly there is a difficult area where girls and boys, although not yet approaching puberty, start wanting more privacy and feeling awkward being undressed around the opposite sex. So they may wish to get changed in the correct sex changing-room. If their parents are comfortable sending them in alone, they can go alone. If not, they have to stay with their parent in the opposite sex changing-room. Because, whatever anyone says, the privacy demands of adult men and women who have been through puberty are greater than those of young children and therefore take priority.

And how can you tell which ones are so we just won't allow those men in? hmm

Paedophiles don’t have swag bags unfortunately. They can be in your kids school, within your local police force, related to your kids friends, the local sports coach, even the swimming teacher! Trying to keep men out of one particular place at one particular time is not going to protect your kids from the male gaze.

I did see one mother last night hold a towel up in the corner of the changing area while her daughter got changed. Maybe you could try that.

In some facilities there will also be naked adult males and I’m damn sure that would be more distressing for young females than a dressed male in the female changing area.

You think a woman or girl would feel more vulnerable seeing a a man undress than having to undress in front of a man? I disagree, on a personal level I know I'd feel more uncomfortable having to undress in front of a man than the other way round

Call them out, stand up for your daughters and all the other little girls in there so that they know it is not acceptable for adult men to invade a women only space.